Sex Appeal: the 17 finalists

We had a feeling that the time was right to introduce a regular sex column into Hot Press, and that the response would reflect that. But there was no guarantee that the people at large would agree with our assessment. And besides were people in Ireland ready to write about sex in an interesting, entertaining, honest and above all open way? We just didn’t know.

But any concerns that we might have harboured proved to be unfounded. The entries flooded in, from all over Ireland and from all over the world – and immediately we could see that they were of an encouragingly high standard. Within a few days of announcing the competition, we knew that we would discover some really genuine talent. And so it proved.

One of the things that we asked entrants to do was to tell us why a sex column was a good idea in Ireland in 2003. Among the most encouraging answers that came through again and again was ‘Why not?’ It is life’s greatest pleasure. People are interested in it. They are fascinated by it. They may even on occasion seem to be obsessed with it. So, dozens of the writers asked rhetorically, why not write about it?

Entrants also talked about the increase in STDs and in teenage pregnancies. They pointed to the need to know more about safe sex. They argued that sex education in Ireland is still woefully inadequate. And they alluded to the fact that many Irish people are still dealing, to one degree or another, with the residue of Catholic guilt that shrouded sex in an aura of sin and remorse. For all of these reasons, they concluded, a sex column is a good idea right now. Information is power. Let’s have more of it.

But there was another more upful and celebratory strand to the response, that was manifest especially in the entries from women. It was revealing to begin with that women writers outnumbered men by about four to one. But they also showed a sense of freedom in their approach, bordering on abandon. Sex is good. We love it. And we don’t give a shit who knows.

We’re not prepared to hide our lights under a bushel any more. Women have as much right to the pursuit of pleasure and satisfaction in the sexual arena as any man. And that means getting down, and sometimes downright dirty, doing the things that women – and generally men too – really like, without inhibition or shame. And if you don’t like it, that’s your problem, sonny Jim!

The entries, lots of them, reflect that unbridled spirit. In the end we decided on a shortlist of seventeen: it’s the age of consent, after all, that moment in everyone’s life from which all – men or women – can legally enjoy the full carnal rush, without fear of being prosecuted. It was tough for the judges to whittle the number down, and many very good entries were omitted. But we’re happy that in the end, we found the brightest and the best.

For the judges, there is now the even more difficult task of identifying the winner. Stay tuned.

Meanwhile, over the next two weeks we will present the top 17 finalists, for your delectation...

Stephanie Mahon: "An evening spent discussing smear tests with a gaggle of girls and one guy recently showed me how open sexuality has crept up on us slowly..."

  Kati Kula: "I haven’t had sex with a Finnish man for years now. Well, I know this is not so patriotic. But the reason for the lack of sex with the Finns might be the amount of sex I have with the Irish..."

Finian Coughlan: "The most beautiful woman I ever went out with was a veterinary nurse called Lisa. We met through a mutual and began with one of those memorable evenings..."

Ann Sexton: "Manners maketh the man, as they say. From your mewling and puking infancy, manners are beaten into you by loving parents..."

Brian Kelly: "I recall in my pubescent years having a fascination with my sister’s wardrobe. For a time in my early teens, I would sneak into her room and rummage through her clothing..."

Suzanne Morgan: "Lately, fornication has replaced procrastination, people are becoming less anal about anal and the typical morning shuffle across O’Connell Bridge is now more of a satisfied strut..."

Lydia Mulvey: "Sex sells everything from soft drinks to softening fabric conditioners. It’s turning the advertising world into a soft porn industry. Turning sex into a commodity..."

Mandy Moran: "Though oral sex, vaginal sex and even anal sex all occupy privelaged positions in society's vernacular, why do I still feel like the humble hand-job is getting the short end of the stick?..."

Ariana Dunne: "For centuries men have been slappin' out their one-eyed snake, bangin' away at their monkeys and chompin' on their sausage rolls. So it's about time ladies got in on the action..."

Grace Garvey: "For the novice, writing an online personal ad is no easy task, I decide to keep mine short and snappy and narrow my requirements down to just two: athletic and well hung..."

Judy Cole: "When a man tells you he "just likes the feel" of silky fabric on his manly parts, that is, in part true..."

Ruth Carroll: "It's virtually impossible for two chemically enhanced strangers to have any sort of good sex..."

Emma J Pearson on autoeroticism: wanking in the workplace, tools of the trade, and tried and tested methods

Jack Britton: "A snap of elastic hinted that she had removed her panties, and, as she mounted my back like a jockey to a horse, my suspicion that there was a scantiness of underwear was confirmed..."

Claire O’Neill: "Only new to the vibrator scene, a friend insisted on buying me a pocket-sized version for my last birthday. I was shocked by the improvements..."

Teresa Beausang: "When I’m hungry, I eat, when I’m horny I… um I turn to Roger; responsive, reliable and blue, incidentally, his surname is Rabbit..."