WOODEN ART

IT S THE climax of the show: a deathly silent audience watch as dummy and master, Chuck Wood and David Strassman, argue fiercely.
There s an audible gasp when, in a fit of pique, Strassman throws Wood to the floor and storms off into the wings. Surely this isn t in the script? For what seems like an eternity, the assembled throng stare sympathetically at the forlorn puppet sitting alone, centre stage, a useless collection of levers, wires and wood. Then, without warning, its glass eyes glow a demonic red, the head moves and Chuck Wood begins to speak . . .
It was never like this with Rod Hull and Emu, but then, when it comes to ventriloquism, David Strassman is no end-of-pier gottle of geer merchant who s content to reap cheap laughs from audiences of easily-impressed tots.
While many dismiss ventriloquism as the web-toed, six-fingered, inbred cousin of stand-up comedy, the talented Californian has collaborated with a NASA scientist, no less, in an effort to propel his art into the 21st century. And make no mistake, when you see him conduct three dinosaurs through a ripsnorting rendition of Queen s Bohemian Rhapsody , you realise that, yes, this is art.
Oh, it s art alright, I m nothing like any other ventriloquist you ve ever seen, announces the potted plant sitting a few feet to my left in the foyer of a swanky Dublin hotel.
Turning his gaze from the talking foliage, David Strassman removes the cigarette from his mouth and, with a mischievous gleam in his eye, continues: The problem with most ventriloquists is their presentation. They stand up there and tell corny jokes and do what they can to be funny and cutesy. In my show, I have Chuck, Ted E Bear, Little Ricky, Sid and three dinosaurs. They all have dreams, fears, neuroses and objectives it s very dark. For example, Chuck Wood wants to kill people to get souls so he can become a real boy. He claims he has killed before and that he will kill again, so there s a whole sort of dark, sick element to the show. It s definitely not for kids.
There s little doubt who the star turn of Strassman s wooden cast is, so when I enquire as to Chuck s whereabouts, I m told: He s locked in a suitcase and not very happy about it. But I think if he was here he d probably agree with you, muses Strassman.
Indeed he would. The poisonous, wooden-hearted prima donna has previously gone on the record stating that, Strassman puts his hand up the rears of seven other puppets throughout the show and that s downright infidelity if you ask me. I m the real star of the show and the other puppets are no more than second-rate losers with delusions of grandeur.
I ask Strassman if he is angered by such petulance.
Nah, my job is to keep order, he explains. There s one part in the show where four of us are on stage arguing at the same time someone has to be the voice of reason.
The David Strassman live experience is a truly remarkable one, with no expense spared in the production. Not one to hide his light under a bushel, the ventriloquist describes it with pride.
It s a stunning production, he announces. I ve got lights, and musically, there s everything from techno to Queen to Led Zeppelin to AC/DC . . . we even have some ABBA. It s very progressive . . . it s truly wild, unlike anything you ve ever seen before.
First of all, within the first couple of minutes you forget that it s a ventriloquist s show. It s very dark and twisted: my puppet vomits! He threatens guys in the front row that he s going to kill them. Another character, Ted E Bear, is so vulnerable and neurotic that you can t help feeling sorry for him. So all my characters have traits and characteristics that everyone can relate to. And when the characters relate to each other you forget that they re actually puppets.
There s one part of the show where one of my puppets is yelling shit at me from 10 feet away, and then another puppet yells at him for talking and they have an argument it s wild. In another scene, Chuck calls the devil. He actually conjures up a cellular phone, dials the devil and talks to him in hell. But constantly throughout the show I remind people that they are puppets because if I don t they ll fall into the trap of thinking they re real.
Surely that s the whole idea?
No way! he exclaims. Y see, I have to do it because if I don t, the audience gets sucked into the characters so deeply that if I make any puppet references they tend to go What? . They tend to truly believe that the characters have lives of their own back in my weird house. It s kind of hard to explain, but it ll become obvious if you go to the show. But the ways I remind the audience tend to be kind of subtle, y know. For instance, there s one part where I blindfold Chuck and ask him how many fingers I m holding up. He gives me the correct answer, three. So I ask him how he knows and he says Because you re doing the talking .
One of the highlights of David Strassman s career to date has been a successful performance at the Royal Variety Show, with Prince Charles in attendance.
That was great, laughs Strassman. After the show when we were introduced to Charles, Chuck said Hey, d you ever talk to a dummy before? and Charles replied, Many times! . So Chuck said, Well, it s my first time! .
How did that go down?
Great, I mean what s he gonna do, sue me? The fucking puppet said it (laughs).
So, have there ever been any complaints about Chuck s penchant for profanities?
There s been a few people who ve complained, sighs Strassman. But y know, fuck em. That s my attitude. I once had a lady complain that Chuck had said goddamn in the show. I mean, fuck her! In my show, Chuck talks in colloquialisms in the same way that you or I would talk if we re sitting in a pub. So he says fuck just for the sake of saying it: it s used as we would use it. That s why all my characters have depth and as a result people tend to think they re real. n
David Strassman plays The Opera House, Cork on Sun 19th; Olympia Theatre, Dublin on Mon 20th-Sat 25th; and the Ulster Hall, Belfast on Sun 26th April.