What's on... Xmas TV and radio

Big films on the small screen...

ZOOLANDER
(9.00, SUNDAY DECEMBER 12, TV3)
Derek Zoolander has been the dominant male model in the industry for three years thanks to his patented “look”, Blue Steel. On the night of the VH1 Fashion Awards, what should be his fourth trophy goes to an upstart model named Hansel. Adding to the insult, a story a story in Time magazine brands him an idiot. Derek decides to retire and seek out his roots. Meanwhile, the new Prime Minister of Malaysia has a secret coalition of fashion designers by promising to raise the minimum wage, effectively ending their supply of cheap labour in sweatshops. Uproarious comedy starring the comedic dream-team of Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson.

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY
(11.30, WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 8, TG4)
Stanley Kubrick’s sci-fi masterpiece enjoys another outing on TG4. Referenced in many a movie, book, music video and TV commercial since, it remains a landmark in cinema history. Just be thankful that the rumoured Pink Floyd prog-a-thon score never actually materialised.

THE HONEYMOONERS
(9.00, WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 15)
The Honeymooners stars Jonathan Byrne and Alex Reid, and tells the story of a jilted groom and waitress who make an unlikely alliance and find themselves adrift in the depths of rural Ireland. Together they begin a hilarious and chaotic adventure that will change both their lives. International TV premiere.

ALMOST FAMOUS
(8.30, FRIDAY DECEMBER 17, TV3)
Writer and director Cameron Crowe’s experiences as a teenage rock journalist – he was a regular contributor to Rolling Stone while still in school – inspired this coming of age story about a 15-year-old boy hitting the road with an up-and-coming rock band in the early 1970s. Frank, funny and surprisingly sweet – not to mention featuring a superb cameo from Phillip Seymour Hoffman as legendary rock journo Lester Bangs – Almost Famous is a supremely entertaining look at ‘70s rock culture.

SHAUN OF THE DEAD
(SKY MOVIES FROM DECEMBER 15)
Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg’s unexpectedly huge cult smash was the cheekiest, goriest and funniest British hit for ages, and the perfect antidote to the Richard Curtis school of “Let’s stick Hugh Grant in it” uselessness. Pegg stars as Shaun, the disconsolate suburbanite who’s lost his girlfriend and has the even more pressing concern of legions of zombies to contend with. With undead hordes roaming the streets, Shaun grabs his cricket bat and springs into action to gather his loved ones in the safest place he knows: the pub.

THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST
(SKY MOVIES FROM DECEMBER 15)
Ultra-controversial it have may been, but Mel Gibson’s take on the final hours of Christ’s life is an undeniably powerful and provocative experience. From the treachery of Judas to the tortuous journey to Golgotha, the director’s version of events is brave, stark and unflinchingly graphic. Look out for cameo appearances from Johnny Knoxville as Methuselah and Nick Valensi as Moses.

21 GRAMS
(SKY MOVIES FROM DECEMBER 15)
Director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu’s follow-up to Amores Perros was a tour-de-force drama of love, loss, despair and redemption. With a superb cast (including Benicio Del Toro, Sean Penn and Naomi Watts) and an ingeniously structured script that managed to evoke a near Shakespearean pathos, 21 Grams was undeniably one of the most striking and affecting films of the year.

Music on the box...

KEITH JARRETT
(CHANNEL 4)
Keith Jarrett is one of the jazz world’s few ‘superstars’ – his concerts sell out almost immediately wherever he plays and he has remained one of the most influential jazz pianists for forty years. This unique documentary features fascinating conversations with Jarrett and his various collaborates, as well as outstanding footage of recordings and concerts dating back to the 1950s – with Miles Davis and the Charles Lloyd quartet, as well as Jarrett’s own trios, quartets and solo concerts.

JONATHAN ROSS PRESENTS 1-2 FU – CONFESSIONS OF A MIDDLE-AGED PUNK
(10.50, DECEMBER 11, BBC3)
Jonathan Ross presents the memoirs of a middle-aged punk in this authored documentary charting the rise and demise of the most nihilistic movement in the history of music. This fascinating programme explores the legacy of punk on music, fashion and art.

DAMIEN RICE
(11.45, DECEMBER 17, BBC2)
Acclaimed singer-songwriter Damien Rice performs in concert, recorded in the intimate environs of the 18th century LSO, St. Luke’s in London. A Mercury Music Prize short-listee, Rice will be playing tracks for his critically adored album O.

TIM LOVEJOY & THE ALLSTARS
(11.00, DECEMBER 22, SKY1)
This programme shows the best moments from Tim Lovejoy’s show since its inception in September 2004. Highlights include the Happy Monday’s first live performance in six years, Noel Gallagher revealing the launch date of his new album and Stan Collymore’s admission that’s he aiming to crack Hollywood.

JUDGEMENT DAY: THE BEST OF THE MTV AWARDS 2004
(9.00, DECEMBER 29, MTV)
All of the big MTV ceremonies from 2004 in a back-to-back marathon, including The MTV Movie Awards, The MTV Music Video Awards and The MTV Europe Music Awards. Includes performances from big-hitters like Franz Ferdinand, the Beastie Boys, Eminem, the Hives, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and many more.

The best of the rest...

THE MIGHTY BOOSH
(7.00, TUESDAYS THROUGHOUT DECEMBER, BBC2)
Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding’s fearlessly idiosyncratic brand of comedy has blown like a cool breeze through the comedy landscape over the past few years. Their debut sitcom (originally broadcast on the channel that’s home to all that’s innovative in British humour, BBC3), followed a consummately oddball path: half-hour surrealist narratives set in a bizarre animal enclosure called Zoo-niverse, populated by anti-social bears and pugilistic kangaroos. Weird and wonderful.

THE UNSEEN ERIC MORECAMBE
(CHANNEL 4)
For two decades, Eric Morecambe’s study at his home in Harpenden has remained untouched. Now, 20 years after his death, the film-makers behind The Unseen Eric Morecambe have been granted exclusive access to the private world of one of Britain’s best-loved comedians. Inside is an Aladdin’s cave of Eric’s personal memorabilia, from his ventriloquist doll through to scripts, props and photographs. Viewers will be treated to previously unseen home movie footage, including Morecambe’s ‘Father Of The Bride’ speech at his daughter’s wedding, as well as early versions of his sketches on dictaphone.

IMAGINE…BRANDO
(10.35 THURSDAY DECEMBER 16, BBC1)
Regarded by many as the greatest film actor of all time, Marlon Brando’s groundbreaking performances in classics such as Apocalypse Now and The Godfather paved the way for an entire generation of cinema greats. With in-depth analysis from Martin Scorsese, plus interviews with the key protagonists in Brando’s career, including Bud Schulberg, Arthur Penn, Bernardo Bertolucci and Francis Ford Coppola, Alan Yentob’s film sheds new light on many of the popular misconceptions that have shrouded the actor’s work.

LITTLE BRITAIN
(9.30, FRIDAYS THROUGHOUT DECEMBER, BBC1)
David Walliams and Matt Lucas’ comedic masterwork returns for an eagerly anticipated second series. Several new characters have been added to the old favourites, who number among their ranks such ingenious creations as “rubbish transvestite” Emily Howard, Fat Fighter Marjorie Dawes and Daffyd, “the only gay in Llandewi Breffi”. Best of all, though, are the Ye Olde Englande, reactionary pronunciations (“In Britain, we invented the cat”) of narrator Tom Baker.

ARENA – THE SECRET POLICEMAN’S BALL
(9.00, THURSDAY DECEMBER 9, BBC4)
Many of Britain’s finest comedians, including Stephen Fry, the Monty Python cast, Rowan Atkinson, Lenny Henry, Alexei Sayle and Alan Bennett are reunited for the Arena special, marking the 25th anniversary of the legendary Secret Policeman’s Ball in aid of Amnesty International. With a stunning cast of comedians, and produced by the original show’s director, Roger Graef, Remember The Secret Policeman’s Ball? is a compendium of recent British comedy and a record of how humour, and society, have changed in the last 25 years.

NOT ONLY BUT ALWAYS
(CHANNEL 4)
Publicly, the partnership of Peter Cook and Dudley Moore was a riotously funny double act that re-defined the art of comedy for the second half of the 20th century. Privately, the duo’s creative relationship was fraught with tension and resentment. From their first meeting as undergraduates in 1960, through their beginnings on Beyond The Fringe, the drama follows their infamous journey from the glory days of the heady ‘60s to their bitter and rancorous split during the recordings of Derek and Clive. Intelligent and insightful, Not Only But Always is a fascinating portrait of the godfathers of modern comedy.

THE PANEL CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
(RTE 2)
Regular panellists Colin Murphy and Ed Byrne join Dara O’Briain for a special festive edition of the popular improvised comedy show.

SHAMELESS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
(CHANNEL 4)
Forget a traditional Christmas, and prepare for the Gallagher clan to bring their own chaotic brand of festive cheer to the entire Chatsworth Estate. Shameless, the critically acclaimed drama series from award winning writer Paul Abbott returns to Channel 4 in early 2005, and premieres with a 90-minute Christmas Special that’s bigger and more ambitious than anything that’s gone before.

THE REAL DA VINCI CODE
(CHANNEL 4)
Author Dan Brown believes the Holy Grail is neither a cup nor a dish, but a 2000 year old secret, and just about the most important historical artefact in the Western World. To understand how Brown arrives at the extraordinary conclusions reached in his bestselling Da Vinci Code, erstwhile Blackadder star Tony Robinson goes on his own personal grail hunt in this entertaining but thoughtful inquiry. Travelling to the Middle East, France, Spain, Italy and America – and Glastonbury, of course – he gradually strips away the layers of myth to arrive at his own extraordinary conclusion.

THE 100 GREATEST TV MOMENTS OF THE YEAR
(CHANNEL 4)
From bubbling soap plots and Stateside dramas to gripping documentaries and grand sporting occasions, The 100 Greatest TV Moments Of The Year is a celebration of the best “bits” of 2004…as voted by the British public. It was the year Janet Jackson revealed rather more than the public could handle with her wardrobe boob at the US Superbowl, while the Pope entertained body-popping break dancers in the Vatican and Patsy Kensit was helicoptered onto the small screen in Emmerdale, while simultaneously living with a scarily horny Mel B in Bo’Selecta.

LIGHT FANTASTIC – THE EDGE OF REASON
(9.00, WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 8, BBC4)
Presenter Simon Scheffer delves into the consequences of people learning to manipulate and use light in this fascinating series. Tonight focuses on the invention of the lens and its revolutionary consequences in art, as painters such as Vermeer used them to paint with great social realism, and in medicine, as scientists including Hooke used them to discover cells.

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? – VIC REEVES
(9.00, TUESDAY DECEMBER 14, BBC2)
Known to millions as a master of surreal comedy, Vic Reeves is the onscreen creation of Jim Moir, a man with a mysterious past. All the ingredients are here for a fascinating journey: Reeves’ grandfather was the son of a butler, sporting spats and a wing collar. One of the most extraordinary scenes in this superb doc occurs when Reeves travels to the house where his grandfather – a possible bigamist – lived, and confesses a surge of emotion on touching an original banister his roguish relative would have touched. All in all, intriguing viewing.

OSCAR WILDE’S ANNIVERSARY TRIBUTE
(RTE 1)
To mark the 150th anniversary of Oscar Wilde, Bill Hughes selects 150 of the author’s finest lines, epigrams and verses and has them recited on camera by 150 actors, writers, performers, musicians and public figures. Recorded in Dublin and New York, the programme features Bono and Larry Mullen, Liam Neeson, Eric Stoltz, Allison Janney, Lili Tomlin and many, many more.

WHAT FRIENDS DID FOR US
(CHANNEL 4)
What Friends Did For Us provides not only an essential history of the smash-hit US comedy, but also examines the cultural impact of a show that has reshaped the world it set out to reflect. This one-off documentary looks at how Friends changed the history of television, its effect on its millions of fans and how it has influenced popular culture over the last decade. And if you’re really lucky, Fun Bobby might just turn up to par-tayyyy…

Christmas radio:

DAVID HOLMES AND THE ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK
(ACROSS THE LINE, FRIDAY DECEMBER 3, BBC RADIO ULSTER)
Tonight sees the innovative BBC show broadcast this superb documentary on Belfast-born groove mechanic, David Holmes. This will be followed by an exclusive interview with Stuart Bailie in the second hour of the show, in which Holmer, freshly returned from his work on the Hollywood film Ocean’s Twelve, talks about his most recent soundtrack adventures and plays exclusive tracks from the film.

UNDER THE WHIP
(SATURDAYS MORNINGS THROUGHOUT DECEMBER, RTE RADIO 1)
Lively current affairs quiz featuring the sharpest political minds in the island trading barbs about the events of the day. The Have I Got News For You boys won’t know what hit them.

JAZZ ALLEY
(SATURDAYS THROUGHOUT DECEMBER, RTE LYRIC FM)
A piano is a piano is a piano. Wrong. Different makes of piano, differences in touch and different approaches to recording make for vast differences between piano sounds. Donald Helme investigates further in this intriguing and entertaining series.

JOSH RITTER AT GREEN ENERGY O4
(8.00, SUNDAY DECEMBER 5, 2FM)
Everybody’s favourite North American singer songwriter performs his first outdoor headliner in Ireland. Recorded in Dublin Castle June 4, this is fully re-mixed from the 48 track digital recording. Josh has bought the full recording and is re-mixing it with a view to releasing it in the future.

INVISIBLE THREAD
(10.00, SUNDAY DECEMBER 5, RTE LYRIC FM)
Senator Martin Mansergh has been a special advisor to successive Fianna Fáil leaders for almost 25 years. He talks to Theo Dorgan about his family’s Anglo-Irish heritage, his experience of the Belfast Agreement negotiations and the on-going rumours that he’s a spy for the British Government!

THE STATE WE’RE IN
(8.00, MONDAY DECEMBER 6, RTE RADIO 1)
In the first installment of The State We’re In, ‘Arts and the People’, Kay Sheehy traces the involvement of the state in the provision of arts events and experiences for the people of Ireland. In the first programme, Brian Kennedy, author of Dreams And Responsiblities (a history of arts provision in Ireland), Colm O Briain, Druid artistic director Garry Hynes, writer Peter Sherican and Padraig Breathnach look at how the arts moved from being perceived as elitist, slightly smutty and Dublin based, to being a vibrant tool of cultural expression.

IRELAND’S SOCCER TOP 20
(7.00, FRIDAY DECEMBER 10, RTE RADIO 1)
Former Liverpool and Republic of Ireland star Ronnie Whelan – who won an astonishing six League titles, two FA Cups, three League Cups and a European Cup with Liverpool in the 1980s – is Colm Keane’s guest on tonight’s edition of Ireland’s Soccer Top 20.