Rock around the cock

Forget t-shirts and baseball caps, backwards or otherwise. The hot merchandising item this year is a life-like, fully detailed, rock ’n’ roll thrusting cock with robust scrotum.

Or at least that’s what Duran Duran’s Warren Cuccurullo reckons. This a-hunka-hunka-hunka burning American love has allowed California Exotic Novelties to fashion an 8” dildo from his tummy banana.

“The heart pounding rhythms of Warren’s music reflect his explosive personality and aggressive sexual orientation,” reads the blurb at www.calexotics.com. “With an uninhibited life style that has brought him all over the world in search of new and provocative experiences, he wants to share his ‘wild side’ with you.” Nice.

He hasn’t made it across the Atlantic yet, but Jim Goad is the closest thing the US of A has come to producing a new Hunter S. Thompson in aeons.

Having limbered up with the white trash baiting Redneck Manifesto, Goad has struck gold with Shit Magnet: One Man’s Miraculous Ability To Absorb The World’s Guilt.

Written while he was serving two-and-a-half-years for aggravated assault – how’s that for method writing? – its mixture of investigative journalism and blacker than black humour makes it essential reading. Find out more at www.jimgoad.com

The White Stripes “have or haven’t they swapped bodily fluids?” mystery continues with the www.gloriousnoise.com webzine presenting “a copy of Jack and Meg’s 1996 marriage licence.” Rather less romantically, the site has also dug up their divorce certificate. Or is it all a clever hoax?

Readers of Kim Porcelli’s potentially Pulitzer Prize-winning interview with The Streets might remember the bit where he revealed he’d had a severe falling out with two of his former bandmates.

Far from brushing the beef under the carpet, the boy Skinner has allowed one of them, Crispy, to vent his spleen on his www.the-streets.co.uk website.

“You’re a selfish cunt and what hurts more than anything is that you have never given me any of my respect due,” he writes. “He also tried real hard to fuck the one girl I’ve ever truly loved. Watch out for Mike, he’ll take everything you’ve ever hoped for away from you.” Ooops!

The fortnight’s other hot mouse action includes www.counterpunch.org (home of “America’s Best Political Newsletter”), www.realchange.org (“Suicide, murder and filming paid lesbian trysts”) and www.evertonfc.com(The Moyes revolution continues, kids!).