Rat smoothies and pixilated penises

10. If you want to fix some bastard good and proper, a visit to www.interestingprojects.com/cruisemissile will hook you up, no questions asked, with the beardy Kiwi bloke who’s built the world’s first low-cost cruise missile.
“I won’t charge you millions of dollars like the big boys might,” promises master munitions maker Bruce Simpson. “I won’t question your politics or religious beliefs.”
Astonishingly, it’s not a spoof. Sacked from his highly paid New Zealand government research job for publicising his creation, Simpson has gone freelance, with anyone willing to cough up $20,000 plus expenses able to avail of his services.
9. While sadly there’s no Irish representation, the Bad Album Covers site at www.zonicweb.net/badalbmcvrs contains some corking exhibits from Sweden including Volumes 1 and 2 of Larz Kristerz’ Stuff Party.
Having marvelled at their artwork, log on to www.larzkristerz.com to hear them doing their chicken-in-the-basket boogie-woogie thing.
8. Some people are so blooming sensitive! A Cleveland man is suing NBC after taking offence to a Fear Factor contestant being asked to slurp down a freshly prepared rat smoothie.
"It made me throw up” complains paralegal Austin Aitken in his lawsuit.
The stunt went down just as badly with the poor woman who had to feast on the blended rodent.
"It was absolutely the worst thing I’ve ever come into contact with,” shudders Elizabeth Passarelli. “It was hairy and chunky and gritty and chalky. It smelled awful and it tasted even worse.”
You can see the goings-on in graphic detail at www.nbc.com/Fear_Factor/gross/509_rat_stew.shtml.
7. After that, some light relief in the form of www.rnb.hpg.ig.com.br/novinhos.htm, a nifty little site that’s made it its life-work to embarrass rock stars by tracking down childhood snaps of them.
While no one’s pictured lying stark bollock naked on a sheepskin rug, Gene Simmons (brylcreemed side parting), Tommy Lee (ballet tights) and Billie Jo Armstrong (Little Lord Fauntleroy curls) will be concerned by the damage done to their cool as fuck personae.
6. Mary Harney dressed in a rubber mask farting in Michael D. Higgins’ face? The thought would undoubtedly put Michael off his dinner, but that’s one of the terrifying tableaus on www.langerland.com, a satirical site which also boasts a cartoon of Enda Kenny – how do we put this delicately? – rear-ending Bertie Ahern. Grim stuff indeed.
5. A group of enterprising Harvard undergrads have set up the first XXX student magazine.
Billed as “The College Guide To Carnal Knowledge”, Boink has had no difficulty recruiting student models for its debut issue, which has sold over 10,000 copies.
It’s not all hamburger shots though, with editor Alecia Oleyourryk claiming a strong social agenda.
“We will be talking about some serious topics like pregnancy, STDs, abuse and date rape,” she promises on the www.boinkmagazine.com site.
And we’re sure they’ve got loads of great articles about cars.
4. Regular Satanic churchgoers that we are, Caught In The Net is dead impressed with the Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics Of All Time, which can be perused at www.ruthlessreviews.com/top10/10blackmetal.html
We do however take issue with the number one spot going to Satyricon when they’re comprehensively out-plonkered by fellow Norwegian Sons of Odin, Immortal.
3. Caught In The Net’s older readers will enjoy the special edition of ‘70s kids’ show Rainbow, which can be found at rainbow.arch.scriptmania.com/rainbow_tv_episode.html.
A veritable innuendo-fest, it features such marvelous exchanges as:
Geoffrey (to camera): “Hello everybody, today we are talking about playing.”
Bungle: “Playing with each other, Geoffrey?”
Geoffrey: “Yes Bungle, do you have a special friend you like to play with?”
George: “Yesterday we played with our balls. Are we going to play with our friends’ balls today?”
Bungle: “Yes, and we can play with our twangers as well.”
Geoffrey (to camera): “Have you seen Bungle’s twanger?”
Zippy: “Oh I have, I showed him how to pluck with it. I’m the best plucker here.”
And that’s before Jane arrives on the scene with her big pair of maracas.
Further investigation reveals that rather than being on industrial strength hallucinogens that day, the cast were recording a spoof episode for an internal Christmas tape that’s never been aired outside of ITV...until now that is!
2. Prefer a pixilated penis to the boring old battery icon that’s currently on your iPOD? Find out how to do this and other potentially not very bright things to your limited-edition U2 jobbie at www.five.bandwich.org/archives/000044.html.
1. Just when you thought that heavy metal was all parodied out, along come Beatallica and their Fab Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse routine.
A shit hot group of musicians from Milwaulkee, Jaymz, Krk, Kliff and Ringo have genetically spliced their two favourite bands together to produce such works of genius as ‘Sgt. Hetfield’s Motorbreath Pub Band’, ‘A Garage Dayz Night’, ‘Leper Madonna’, ‘Got To Get You Trapped Under The Ice’ and, best of all, ‘I Want To Choke Your Band’. The impersonations are spot on, and available for free download at www.beatallica.com.