Only A Game

It's two days after Manchester United have dumped Juventus out of the European Runners-Up League and John Aldridge is in a state of emotional turmoil.
"Did you know that my Grandad's from Turin?", he jokes in between sips of Guinness. "One part of me's delighted that an English club has made it through to the final, and the other wishes it was somebody other than United. Denis Irwin and Roy Keane are pals of mine, so when it went to 2-0 I wanted them to get back into it which is unusual for me.
"Traditional rivalry aside, the reason I don't like Man U is that I went there to see Liverpool play in the late 70s, and got ambushed by 40 of their lads who gave me a good hiding. It s not the team s fault, obviously, but that sort of thing makes an impression. The performance against Juve, though, was brilliant and for Roy and Denis sake, I hope they beat Bayern."
As a fellow Evertonian said to me recently, if Aldo didn t exist, Harry Enfield would have to invent him. The suit may be Armani but the attitude and luxuriant moustache is 100% Scouser.
The son of a Merseyside roofing contractor, John William Aldridge was still on the factory floor at British Leyland when in 1979 Newport County offered him his first professional football contract. His mates thought he was mad to give up the £82 a week he was earning as a toolmaker, but he headed off to North Wales and netted 90 goals in 213 games for the Fourth Division club. That took him to First Division Oxford United where, a tad incongruously, he was one of the few people to think that Chairman Robert Maxwell wasn't a complete and utter shit.
Taking half the time to score the same number of goals that he did at County, the 5ft 11in striker became a target for a number of top flight clubs including his beloved Liverpool. A regular on the Kop since 1967, Aldridge was overjoyed at being brought to Anfield by Kenny Dalglish, and equally devastated when two seasons later he was deemed to be surplus to requirements and off-loaded to Spanish mid-tablers Real Sociedad.
Recalling the episode in his newly published autobiography, My Story, Aldo says, "I felt as though the club treated me as a butcher would treat a piece of meat. I was being sold for profit. That hurt. At the moment I'm a victim of reality; the reality that saw Liverpool, the club I loved, treat me like dirt at a time when I was prepared to do almost anything to play for them."
While not without its Big Ronisms "he did us up like a kipper" My Story is far more candid than most of its ghostwritten rivals and may yet find the Tranmere manager having to justify some of his more colourful turns of phrase to the F.A.

"I've had run-ins with them before," he reminisces none too fondly. "I got done £1,000 once for calling a linesman a fucking cheat. Worth every penny it was! I got fined another thousand quid this year when I was caught giving a referee plenty on Sky TV. It s become so bad that they ve started hauling in club mascots. Cyril The Swan s in trouble for celebrating with the players when Swansea scored in the Cup, and there ll doubtless be harsh words said about the argy bargy that went on between the two teddy bears at Bristol City (Actually, it was the City piglet and the Wolves wolf. Know-all Ed).
"People have called me and said, you've been too honest in your book , but I've always worn me heart on me sleeve. I love Liverpool and, having averaged 30 goals a season, thought I did very well for them. They obviously didn t agree and flogged me to Real Sociedad which instantly ended my affinity with the club. All I was to them was a stop-gap while Rushie was in Italy."
There are, of course, different degrees of honesty. Mindful of the effect it might have on discipline at Prenton Park, Aldo has been selective in recounting the boozier side of his career. For instance, there's no mention of him presiding over a lock-in at a Limerick hostelry as himself and a couple of team-mates limbered up for Ireland's Euro 96 qualifier in Liechtenstein.
"God, I remember that. What can I say other than guilty as charged !"
Then there was the time when a certain number 9 fell over in a Leeson Street nightclub and, attempting to stay upright, took a cub reporter by the name of Barry Glendenning to the floor with him.
"Who was with me?"
According to my source, who shall remain nameless, Tony Cascarino and a couple of the Under-21s.
"If it was after an Ireland home game, yeah, it could've been me."
Much has been made of Aldo s displeasure at Mick McCarthy coming in and slapping a no beer ban on the Irish squad.
"Jack realised that going out for a couple not only relaxed us, but developed a camaraderie which carried through on to the pitch," he explains. "He wouldn't let us train very hard on the Monday and Tuesday so come Wednesday, when we were feeling guilty about having a few bevvies, we worked our bollocks off.
"Tranmere played Nottingham Forest last year when they were top of the league and, with half the team either injured or suspended, had no chance of getting a result. I more or less forced them to have a few Guinnesses on the Friday night and, you know what?, we drew 2-2."
Aldo makes it clear in My Story that he didn t appreciate being left on the Lansdowne bench as Ireland were grounding out their 0-0 draw against Iceland.
"People have said to me, 'You were only upset because you didn't get to equal Frank Stapleton s goalscoring record', but that had nothing to do with it. A crucial World Cup qualifier was there for the taking and, well, Mick got it wrong tactically. I asked him afterwards why he hadn't brought me on and he said, Oh, I never thought of it. Me deciding to retire from international football after that game doesn t mean that I hate Mick McCarthy. From being at Tranmere, I know the only thing you can do as a manager is go with your instincts."
Against all the odds small crowds, minuscule budget, Peter Johnson etc Aldo the gaffer has succeeded in maintaining Tranmere's First Division status. It's an achievement that hasn't gone unnoticed elsewhere on Merseyside with the Liverpool Post tipping him as an outside bet to take over from Gerard Houllier should he fail in his rebuilding job. If the Anfield call came, would he answer it?
"I don't really want to comment on that," he parries. "I've been in management for three years and I m learning all the time. Baptism of fire or not, Tranmere is a wonderful apprenticeship which I may move on from one day. Until then, my objective is to avoid relegation and, if I'm given a couple of million pounds for players, get us into Premiership. People say that s an impossible dream but Barnsley and Charlton have shown otherwise."
So what would he do if Mohammed El Fayed walked into his office and said, Here's a cheque for £10 million? "Take it and catch a flight to Brazil," he laughs. "No, I'd bring in four or five seasoned pros who d add experience to the great bunch of young lads we've got."
This season Aldridge has suffered the frustration of having to sell rather than buy. Particularly galling was the way in which England Under-21 keeper Steve Simonson was spirited off to neighbours Everton a club whose Chairman, Peter Johnson, just happens to be a major Tranmere shareholder.
"I was fucking fuming," Aldo, er, fumes. "For whatever reason, our own Chairman, Frank Corfe, needed the money for Tranmere and phoned up clubs trying to sell our main asset. I don't know what happened whether Peter was doing him a favour by taking Simo but it was ridiculous that we only got £500,000 upfront, £500,000 in a year s time and £2 million depending on appearances. He hasn't even played for them yet!"
Aldridge's telling of the story in his book is pure soap opera:
"I realised our goalkeeper hadn t turned up for a training session. I immediately contacted him on his mobile telephone.
'Steve, what are you doing? Where are you?'
'I'm on my way to Bellfield to train with Everton.'
'You re what? But you re not an Everton player yet. You still play for Tranmere Rovers. And I don t have a goalkeeper at the moment.'
'Well . . .'
'Get yourself back here at once!'
All of this came just a few months after Aldridge had shown the door to Ivano Bonetti the Italian midfielder who so incensed Grimsby gaffer, Brian Laws, that he chucked a plate of sandwiches at him.
"I know how he felt! A great player, Ivano, but too money-oriented. He may have appeared in a European Cup Final but, when it came to Tranmere, he didn't display the hunger or the spirit that I demand. If I'd let him get away with not bothering his arse in training, it would've rubbed off on the other lads and I couldn t have that. So I called him and his agent in and said, 'Enough's enough.'"
An over-active bank account is one thing, but how would Aldo deal with a player who's stressed or depressed?
"I take it we re talking about Stan Collymore," he says astutely. "Stan is an unbelievable situation which, fortunately, I don t have to deal with. I'm not sure of the ins and outs but my gut feeling is that he's had enough chances. Certainly, if I was John Gregory, I'd be looking to cut my losses. If he really is ill, bloody hell, you'd want him to get sorted.
Here s another psychological teaser for him: Robbie Fowler. Loveable scally or dickhead?
"Loveable scally. I can relate to Robbie because when I was in the First Division, being well-known, I used to get all sorts shouted at me. You've had "John Aldridge is a wanker" yelled at you all afternoon and you score a goal. What do you? Everything the police have told you about not inciting the crowd goes out your head, and you rub their noses in it. Robbie rubbed his own nose in it which was wrong given the situation with drugs. Derby game or not, when you re as high profile as he is, you re expected to set an example. Robbie's problem, really, is that he's too passionate. Harsh as it, I think sitting out the next five games will make him realise that he's got to control his emotions."
As a veteran Kopite, where does he stand on the boot-room vs. fancy French dannery issue?
"Boot-room, every time. I find it hard watching Houllier and Arsene Wenger because, while they do display emotion, they don t have the passion of a Shankley or a Paisley. Part of it could be that I don't think either of them played at a particularly high level. Me, I get so involved in the game that I do stupid things on the bench. Afterwards I think, you bleeding idiot , but I can't help myself."
It s different now, of course, but when Aldridge first declared for Ireland in 1986, there was much bar-room talk of him being a rent-a-Paddy who had no real pride in the shirt. Was he ever aware of hostility towards him?
"From Ireland? No. The only thing that did happen to me and I forgot to put this in me book is that I got about three letters from National Front-types accusing me of being a traitor. Needless to say, they went straight into the bin."
Along with his 19 goals in 69 games, Aldo will always be remembered for the, er, spirited manner in which he came on against Mexico in Orlando.
"I knew I was going on cos Jack had told me to warm up. We were only 1-0 down so I thought, I'm going to get on here and score the equaliser. When they got their second, Jack decided to make it a double substitution but, although two came off, they only let Jason on. I couldn't believe that they'd cocked up in such a major tournament and, well, I lost me head a bit. I can t remember my exact words to the fourth official, but they definitely included you, fucking and wanker."
"The petty bureaucracy at USA 94 was un-fucking-believable," he continues. "The water thing, in particular, was not only stupid but very dangerous. I only played 20 minutes but, I tell you, I was breathing air through me arse for all of them. I just wonder what the FIFA response would have been if, as a result of that game being played at 12 o clock, someone had keeled over with heat exhaustion."
If David O'Leary and Walter Smith are the yardstick against which such things are measured, it seems bitching about the five-day international rule has replaced golf as the favourite managerial pastime. What s Aldridge's take on the call-up controversy?
"I fell out with the Ireland Under-21 manager, Ian Evans, last year over Alan Mahon. We wanted Alan to play on the Friday night for us, but Evans insisted on him flying over Friday lunch-time for a game that was happening on Tuesday. He never played the following Tuesday which, to me, is bollocks. And ignorant. I don t like the man for doing that not just to me but the lad who lost his Tranmere place as a result.
Regrets? John Aldridge has a few including the fact that he never got to don the famous green-and-white hoops. That's Celtic by the way, not Shamrock Rovers.
"I know Liam Brady would've been interested when I came back from Spain but he didn't know I was available. I'd love to have gone to Celtic maybe not then because the Tranmere move was a good one, but when I left Liverpool. Then again, I d have missed out on scoring two against Barcelona in the Nou Camp. There were 120,000 screaming fans in there to see them get presented with the Spanish Championship trophy and we beat em 3-1. They didn t mind too much because it was us beating Atletico Madrid 2-1 the week before that had handed it to them."
While the other ten chapters are for footballing purists only, My Story's eyewitness account of the Hillsborough tragedy has a resonance that extends far beyond the beautiful game.
"Whenever I think of Hillsborough I'm drawn to the story of young Lee Nichol from Bootle," he writes. "Lee was fourteen but looked about ten. He reminded me of my son, Paul. Lee was in the middle of the crush at Leppings Lane but was still alive when he was pulled out. I went to see him in hospital. He looked a lovely kid. As he lay there in a coma, I whispered words into his ears. I asked the doctor about his chances of recovery. 'He's clinically dead, John,' he said. I hadn't realised how badly he was injured. That ripped into me."
"Yes, time does heal, but if I m still alive on 15 April 2039, the fiftieth anniversary of Hillsborough, I'll still shed tears. That is because I shed tears every year on 15 April. Not out of ritual. Not out of obligation. Not out of duty. But out of a deep sense of grief for the lost and genuine feeling for the loved ones they left behind."
Was Aldo at Anfield for the recent memorial service?
"Yeah, I was," he says quietly. "Like I said in me book, those families won't be able to get on with their lives until they receive justice. I don't know if cover-up s the word but those responsible for 96 people being crushed to death must be identified.
Shanks was wrong. Some things are more important than football."

My Story by John Aldridge is published by Hodder & Stoughton priced £16.99stg