Lost in space

Caught In The Net has said it before and we’ll say it again – you can’t beat a good nutter!

While the standard of Irish barnpots is impressively high, world leaders in the field are our old warmongering chums the Americans. Where else but the US of A would you find www.stopabductions.com and their $35 Thought Screen Helmet?

It may look like a glorified shower-cap but, no, this state-of-the-art head apparel “blocks telepathic communication between aliens and humans. Aliens cannot immobilise people wearing thought screens nor can they control their minds or communicate with them. Since January 2000 aliens have not taken any abductees while they were wearing thought screen helmets using Velostat shielding.”

An irrefutable claim if ever there was. The sceptics among you might like to consider this testimonial from one Jon Locke: “Since trying the helmet, I’ve not been bothered by alien mind control. I have achieved meaningful work and am contributing to society.”

The next click of the mouse brings us to www.newwavephotos.com Although we spurn the term “new wave” like most people spurn a rabid dog, it has to be said that the taker of the 4,826 shots on it, Phillipe Carly, is a bit of a genius. Altered Images, Blondie, Richard Hell, Joy Division, Lou Reed, Spizz Energi, New Order, Rachel Sweet, U2 and The Ramones are just a handful of the famous and not-so-famous artists featured, with all of the pics available for purchase online. Top stuff.

Some people reckon that celebrities are overpaid but, personally, we’re at a loss to understand how the likes of Adam Sandler can get by on a measly $100,000 a gig.

Spare a thought too for Ani DiFranco ($25,000), Basement Jaxx ($10,000), Beck ($75,000), Green Day ($50,000), Jurassic 5 ($25,000), Morrissey ($50,000) and Placebo ($5,000) who are going to have to get day-jobs if things don’t pick up. You can find out who else is asking for what at www.clearchannelcollegeentertainment.com

Which just leaves us time to mention www.limpfish.com (Queen Mum-insulting photoshop tomfoolery), www.sthelenscelebritynews.co.uk (pie ’n’ mash humour) and www.jlols.330.ca/temp/bogeraterjen.jpg (J-Lo picking her nose and scoffing the harvest).