Laughing all the way to the bonk

Former Lancashire county cricket player Richard Green has issued a heartfelt appeal for people to log on to his www.pleasemakethiswork.com website.
Pourquoi? you ask in a dodgy French accent. Well, as soon as it registers its five millionth hit, Green’s rather fetching girlfriend, Katie Greenwood, has agreed to participate in a threesome with him (cue jokes about “googlies”, “being caught in the slips”, “away swingers”, “baggy green”, “bouncers”, “caught behind”, “drawing the stumps”, “full toss” and, well, you get our comedic drift).
To make it all above board and legal, Katie has signed a contract in which she promises to, “Allow my boyfriend to have full and oral sexual relations with myself and a girl of his choice.”
Sadly, it only allows for “natural sex acts and not kinky or unusual practices.”
We, the Caught In The Net family, must not let this lovely man down.
Ditto Corrie Edmunds whose sister is so peed off with her complaining about her love life – or lack thereof – that she’s set up www.datemysister.co.uk
The homepage includes a testimonial from her Uncle Roger – fnarr fnarr – who says, “When I’m with Corrie I never fail to have a good time, we often laugh ourselves silly.”
We bet you do Rodge, we bet you do.
Meanwhile, the Judge Julies among you will want to check out www.jared-morris.com/blog/petty.mp3, which pours petrol on the Tom Petty v Red Hot Chili Peppers plagiarism row by splicing their respective ‘Mary Jane’s Last Dance’ and ‘Dani California’ tunes together.
The latest word from Team Petty is that the toothsome twanger is in consultation mode with his legal people. With the Chilis all down to their last hundred million, let’s hope there’s no case to answer.
Which just leaves time for quick visits to www.helpmegetrandomwithladysovereign.com (American fan raises $10,000 on line to date the London rapper-ess); www.jeannetteeggenschwiler.ch (Viewers petition Swiss TV station to sack heavily pregnant weather girl); and www.spraysaints.com (shit hot Irish graffiti magazine).