Here comes the mirror man

There are few media players who polarise opinion quite as sharply as Piers Morgan.
To some, he’s the tabloid wunderkind who was just 28 when an admiring Rupert Murdoch made him News Of The World editor, and to others a morally bankrupt sewer rat who doesn’t care how many lives he destroys as long as it makes for good copy.
What no one can dispute is that between 1994 and 2004 his support was desperately sought by Tony Blair, who realised that Morgan was in a position to do him and his New Labour cronies serious damage.
This frequently farcical relationship with Number 10 gets the CSI treatment in The Insider: The Private Diaries Of A Scandalous Decade, a wickedly entertaining account of his tenure at News International and the Daily Mirror, who sacked Piers last year for publishing photos of British soldiers abusing Iraqis that the military insist are hoaxes.
Along with the heavyweight political stuff, Morgan treats us to his typically forthright views on everyone from Naomi Campbell (“A lying, moaning hypocrite”) and Alex Ferguson (“Full of crap”) to Jeremy Clarkson (“A sexist pig”) and Vanessa Feltz (“Absolutely fucking hopeless”).
Then there are the yarns such as the time when Sinéad O’Connor sent him a ‘Karma Police Report’ that said he’d been “found guilty of barefaced lying, cheating, disgusting thoughtlessness, hurting intentionally, being pompously prejudiced, rude and obnoxious, underhand, diabolical, blindly self-serving and self-obsessed, reprehensibly irresponsible and hopelessly spaced out and dangerously unaware.” Phew.
STUART CLARK: I’m amazed you weren’t given life in Karma Prison for that little lot.
PIERS MORGAN: (Laughs) Yeah, it was quite a rap sheet. It was signed ‘Sinéad O’Connor, Karma Police Officer’ and had all my crimes listed and ticked. She made some comments during the first Gulf War praising Saddam Hussein, so The Sun ran with a ‘Sinéad The She-Devil’ cover that she took great exception to. I thought we’d subsequently kissed and made up, but when I asked her to comment on reports that she was back with her husband she sent me this remarkable missive. Even though they change every week, I admire the passion she has in her beliefs and the quality of her insults. Sinéad called me a “crawling, sliming, little gutter maggot”, which is far better than the feeble “You cunt!” Jeremy Clarkson came up with when he publicly assaulted me at an awards ceremony.
If I remember correctly, he didn’t like a crack you made about Mrs. Clarkson.
I considered “Why does your wife always blame me for everything you do?” to be a perfectly valid question, but Jeremy, fuelled by the free bar, felt it was justification to give me three whacks to the head. You can actually see the scar left by his ring on my forehead.
I trust you whacked him straight back.
No, but he’d do well in the future to avoid dark alleyways.
The biggest tabloid story this year is without doubt Pete Doherty and Kate Moss. Would they be getting as much Mirror coverage as they are if you were still editing it?
Sadly, yes. The best way to stop Pete Doherty, who’s a ghastly little man, is to never mention his name again, but unfortunately shagging Kate Moss makes that difficult. In tabloid terms, she’s the story, not him. I used to really love Kate Moss and think she’s incredibly sexy, but I’ve completely changed my mind because any woman who voluntarily goes to bed with that ridiculous desperately-in-need-of-a-bath specimen can’t be taken seriously any more. The whole thing, him and her, is absolutely repulsive.
So you won’t be rushing out to buy a copy of Babyshambles’ Down In Albion album?
Celebrity used to be an acknowledgement of talent, not the verification that you’ve shagged a model or a footballer it is now.
Back in the ‘90s, I met a tabloid journalist who was disappointed that he’d been in Ireland a week and and failed to dig up any dirt on Daniel O’Donnell. Is targeting people like that common practice?
Not in the newspapers I’ve worked for. What happens is that you get a tip saying that “so-and-so is up to no good” or “you should look at this.” You wouldn’t waste time going to check people out on spec, although it suits certain celebrities to believe otherwise.
I was interested to read in your book that, having been tipped off that Paula Yates was having an affair with Michael Hutchence, you negotiated with her and Bob Geldof as to how the resulting story would be presented.
Paula shagging Michael Hutchence was a great scoop for the Mirror, but so was the signed confession we ran on the front-page from Bob and Paula saying that they’d split up but were still best friends. They gave us that in return for the affair angle getting less prominence inside, which was a fair deal. It was all down to their PR, Matthew Freud, recognising the need for damage limitation. You can’t bury a story like that, but you can soften its impact when it first appears.
What was your relationship with Sir Bob like after that?
Quite convivial, which is great because I’m a big admirer of his humanitarian work. I was always closer to Paula who, whilst a Sun columnist, would quietly ring me up at the Mirror with stories about Bob and the divorce. She could be a little minx when she wanted to be!
I did think watching her infamous Have I Got News For You? performance that here was a woman who could dish it but not take it.
As somebody who also died a terrible death on that show I have every sympathy with her. I took a view, like Paula did, to have a go back which plays right into their hands. Anything funny you say gets edited out leaving you looking completely ridiculous.
Were you surprised when Ian Hislop and Paul Merton’s barbs later turned inwards on Angus Deayton?
Sure, Deayton’s drug-fuelled adultery was incompatible with his lofty moral perch on the show but that didn’t excuse the treacherous way Hislop went after him. I know that Angus has never forgiven him, or indeed Merton, for being so spiteful and pompous. To destroy a friend and colleague’s career like that was pretty bloody low.
And prompted you to give the Private Eye editor a taste of his own medicine.
(Laughs) Yeah, we staged a ‘Gnome Go Home’ protest at a Hislop book signing, which irked him no end.
Is there evasive action celebrities can take to stay out of the newspapers?
Be like Bono and not use your kids as props; not take loads of drugs; not routinely cheat on your wife; and not be seen brawling and fighting coming out of nightclubs. I think it’s admirable that while most rock stars are being very rich, greedy and selfish, he’s out there trying to save the planet.
There was of course one member of U2 who deviated from the rules you just outlined.
And ended up going out with Naomi Campbell, the poor sod! Adam Clayton deserves a fucking medal for putting up with that deeply unlovely woman.
Who sued you and the Mirror for invasion of privacy after you printed a photograph of her leaving a Narcotics Anonymous meeting in London. Your take on which was, “This is a very good day for lying drug-abusing prima donnas who want to have their cake with the media, and the right to then shamelessly guzzle it with their Cristal champagne.”
(Laughs) Yes, I put it rather well!
A story that the tabloids always appeared to downplay was Northern Ireland. Was it deemed to be not ‘sexy’ enough or were there other considerations?
It was a very big story when the IRA bombed Canary Wharf with me in it! There was a sickening thud and then the whole building shook. I was very pissed off because my brother’s done three tours of Northern Ireland as a soldier and got loads of medals, and I didn’t even get mentioned in dispatches despite being blown off my chair. Joking apart, Northern Ireland did become less of a story when the peace process kicked in and there stopped being major incidents. On top of that, having got into enormous trouble during the ‘80s with its ‘Troops Out’ front-page, the Mirror was determined not to trip up again by being partisan in either way. We were always keen to not rock the boat and be impartial.
Given the slick PR machine they possess, did you ever get a call from Sinn Féin suggesting a cosy briefing lunch with Gerry ‘n’ Martin?
No, I was never approached by or got to meet anyone from Sinn Féin. I’ve no idea whether my predecessor, David Montgomery, did but with him being Unionist I’d say it’s unlikely! I always felt that engaging in Northern Ireland politics was a hostage to fortune and to be avoided unless you were totally sure of your stuff. John Hume I did know and admired greatly, but most of my perspective came from the British politicians who were out there like Peter Mandelson and Mo Mowlam.
Compare and contrast the two of them for me.
Mo was up front, in your face, aggressive, confrontational, funny, charming and all the rest of it. Mandelson, on the other hand, was much more Machiavellian and into the dark arts of spinning. You also got the sense that he loved living in a castle! Mo saw it as Mandy nicking her job, and never forgave him.
Whatever about being branded a “crawling, sliming, little gutter maggot” by Sinéad O’Connor, there must have been times when people were seriously angry with you?
That charming bunch of right-wing thugs, Combat 18, promised to slit my throat when we offered a £50,000 reward for information leading to the arrest of the Stephen Lawrence accused. I had to have my own team of bodyguards for a few weeks, but that’s the only time I’ve taken a physical threat seriously. As for verbal abuse, I hardly ever get anybody being unpleasant. They take the piss, sure, but that’s why I love living in England. I read these interviews with bloody celebrities and think, “For god’s sake, enjoy your fast cars, your mansions, your glamorous women and the rest of it, and stop whining because it’s pathetic.”
Who are the whingiest stars you’ve encountered?
Catherine Zeta-Jones selling her wedding for a million quid and then bleating about privacy when someone else got pictures and, of course, the serial-whinger herself Naomi Campbell.
Have you ever had a more surreal moment than, at Mohammed El-Fayed’s instigation, receiving a phone call from Michael Jackson?
No, especially not when he expressed an interest in buying Manchester United! Mohammed’s like Max Clifford in that he’s made out by The Daily Mirror to be Mr. Evil, but is actually a very pleasant, easy to deal with bloke who delivers what he promises.
Mohammed owes you another exclusive after the Mirror printed Paul Burrell’s revelations about the Royal Family and their appalling treatment of Diana.
What people forget when criticising Paul Burrell’s actions is that for five years he didn’t say a word about Diana. Then they threatened him with jail for having three boxes of her stuff in his attic. What he had in his head was worth twenty million quid!
What’s been conveniently airbrushed out of newspaper history is that prior to her death most of the redtops were calling her a tart.
A lot of journalists came a cropper over that, yeah. If Diana was a tart it was with a heart, and we never really gave her a hard time in the Mirror.
If you could mix and match from any era, which journalists would you have on your Fantasy Newspaper team?
Kelvin MacKenzie for pure entertainment value; the News Of The World editor Andy Coulson; the editor of The Sun, Rebekah Wade; John Pilger for his investigative reporting; to take care of the populist side of things Tony Parsons; and Christopher Hitchens who’s both very clever and very mischievous. They’d shift a few copies between them!
And would your fantasy newspaper proprietor be Rupert Murdoch?
Yes, I found him pretty good to work for. He was aggressive, very commercial but loved the stories and was supportive of you – normally – when you were in trouble. He has a great aura about him and a phenomenal tabloid mind. There were times talking to him when you felt you were in a newspaper masterclass. Unlike one of my other former bosses, Kelvin MacKenzie, Murdoch never flew into a blind rage and threaten to knock your block off. The people who find him “difficult” are the ones who don’t stand up to him. He’s a tough cookie, but not an unreasonable one.
Did you have any dealings with our own Citizen Kane press baron, Tony O’Reilly?
Newspapers need to be owned by proprietors who’ve lots of money. Letting American banks take control makes things a bit tense when you start hammering George Bush, which is what a good Labour newspaper in Britain should be doing. Ideally, every paper would be owned by a left-wing millionaire, but there aren’t many of them around. Tony’s a very amusing, charming guy who came to the Mirror for lunch one day and had us in stitches with his anecdotes. I like him a lot.
Your own tabloid career was abruptly curtailed last year when The Daily Mirror fired you. What went through your mind when you realised you’d been had over those photos?
I’ve never accepted that we were had. People assumed they were fakes because the regiment we accused said they were. That regiment is now charged with not only abusing prisoners but also murdering them. Combine that with the gruesome photographs, which have been 100% authenticated, and the evidence weighs in our favour. The most important thing is that we stood up and said, “You can’t fight a moral war and beat up the locals.” The Daily Mirror stood by me for two weeks, and then threw me out which, while not very courageous, is their prerogative.
What about the people who say it was a recruitment poster for Al-Qaeda?
My brother was fighting in Basra the day we published it, so I’m not a complete idiot. Most of the British Army guys I know thought it was perfectly justified to expose the abuse that was going on.
Do those British Army guys include your brother?
Yeah, he felt it was totally unacceptable and needed to be put into the public realm. He had to pick up the pieces after that regiment did their naughty stuff in Iraq, so he knows all about what was going on. Having got my scalp the media ought to be a little bit stronger in establishing the truth.
Is tabloid life something you miss?
I certainly miss being able to lambaste Tony Blair for taking us to war on a pack of lies, getting voted back in on another pack of lies and then having the gall to claim that the London suicide bombings had nothing to do with Iraq. I’m sorry mate, but it has everything to do with you killing 100,000 innocent Muslims in Iraq. It’s extraordinary to see a Labour leader sucking up to a right-wing nutcase like George Bush whose re-election is a terrible inditement of his country. I’m afraid the mess we’ve created in Iraq will take many, many decades to sort out.
Your relationship with Tony must have been a bit fractious towards the end?
He was fine, but the power behind the throne, Cherie, disliked me as much as I disliked her.
As the author of many a classic headline, what’s your all-time favourite screamer?
The “Super Cally Go Ballistic Celtic Are Atrocious” one was great because you knew the sub-editor had been waiting years for it to happen. That comes second to the Sunday Mirror one pertaining to the effects of alcohol on the male member, which was “Official – Drink’ll Wrinkle Your Winkle.”
Looking back, what are the three or four things that define Piers Morgan’s glorious career?
If I were subbing down my CV, I’d say the ‘Achtung Surrender!’ cover story in The Sun; the Iraq photos; our man Ryan Paris undercover in Buckingham Palace; and the Paul Burrell revelations which sold more papers than any scoop in Fleet Street history.” There they are, good and bad!