Head case

On any given day, the Hot Press mailbag is a formidable but fairly predictable beast: letters of complaint from poxy power trios, offers of sex in exchange for a good demo review and readers wondering if Stuart Clark’s hair really is like that.

But then, once in a blue moon, a missive of outstanding import and originality lands with a thump on the letters desk and thereafter our little world is never the same again.

Such was the case one day last week, when we opened a bulky package to find a press release and other documents sent to us from America by a man called Randall D. Flynn.

Randall has done many things in his time – including a two-hour one-man show on the life of John Belushi – but surely nothing as jaw-droppingly impressive as his new range of patented drink-dispensing hats.

The self-titled “Mad Randy” - who also informs us, by way of a casual p.s., that he is “considered by some to be America’s Salvador Dali” - is currently seeking financing to start production of his RoFo Substance Dispensing Headgear.

The invention – already officially recognised by the US Patents Office - is designed to allow the wearer to transport any type of beverage in a safe, efficient manner. According to Randy’s official press relaease: “As the RoFo headgear is being worn, a second person can operate the device from the head of the wearer to dispense the beverage. The patented headgear has an easy one-size-fits-all design that keeps the device balanced, stationary and comfortable while worn on the head. Because of the secure seal provided, the wearer can use their hands for other tasks without fear of the device becoming unbalanced or falling off the user’s head. The design also keeps any liquids hot, cold or carbonated while inside the headgear, without affecting the wearer’s head.”

Presumably, the wearer would have to drink the contents before it would do that.

Among the many prototype designs created by Randy are baseball, football, soccer and hockey versions of the headgear. But of particular interest to our readers will be the St Patrick’s Day model, which incorporates green, white and orange colours as well as harp, shamrock and dead snake motifs, into its attractive bowler hat design.

Yet, with all this, the hat remains functional as a liquid dispensing device, thus living up to the official RoFo Headgear slogan: “The only hat that gives good head…of foam”.

If any readers wish to order, invest in or simply find out more about RoFo headgear they can contact Randall Flann at 413 West Mineral Street, Room 7, Milwaukee, WI 53204-1741, USA.

Tell him Hot Press sent you – and warn him that Philip Treacy is getting nervous.