Freshmen, lend me your ears

In 551 BC, a wise man by the name of Confucius advised his loyal followers that “the scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar”. The Government seems to have adopted this ancient philosophy: certainly comforts are few and far between for the students of Ireland.

If Confucius were alive today he would no doubt be delighted to see the mile-long accommodation queues in September, as students all over Ireland head back to college. Perhaps he would enjoy a feast of controversial stir fry (i.e. whatever is cheap, available and can be thrown in a wok) and afterwards lie back in a deflated inflatable chair and bask in a fog of cheap beer and stale smoke. He could philosophically watch the world go by though the windows of the sitting room (the student reality TV) because he certainly wouldn’t be able to afford a TV license. And he could walk to college rather than pay the excessive bus fares that we seem to have been stuck with (besides, it’s good for you!).
Or does all of that seem a tad self-indulgent? It is true that the life of a student is at times frustratingly frugal, but ways to improve this – rather than submit to it as a necessary lifestyle choice – are the subject of this guide. Call it an anti- Confucius way of life!

A PLACE TO REST YOUR HEAD
So you went to war with the points system and came out fighting, survived the post-Leaving Cert parties in one piece, secured the college course and are all set to embrace the student life... With the flag of freedom from parental supervision flying high, the first port of call for many students is to find suitable accommodation away from home.
Every city and town has its own local paper and accommodation listings, and these sources are generally a good starting point in the search. In addition, most colleges will have an accommodation service that deals with all kinds of queries, ensuring that information is available on different types of housing and the benefits of each.
There are several websites that are helpful in securing accommodation, the most reputable being www.daft.ie and www.campus.ie. Check out your student union notice boards and message boards as soon as possible, (these can be useful in securing accommodation as well as other items like second-hand books and laptops). For example, the NUI Galway student website, Student Information News (SIN), provides a facility for students to post messages looking for, or offering, accommodation.
Research the prospective areas that you’re looking at in relation to accessibility to the college, safety (there’s no point in being paranoid, but it is a consideration) and price range. Have a clear idea of what you require and what your budget is.
It is often recommended that first-year students live in ‘digs’, otherwise known as the softly-softly transition into Grown-Up Land. This might not suit some people at all, but there can be an advantage in it, especially if you don’t know how to cook or wash you own clothes! Depending on who you get to stay with, of course, digs can be grand for a few months – and then when you find your feet you can move further afield to the delights of student campus living or even the rented flat!
Living on campus is great for accessibility and security but demand usually far outweighs availability so plan ahead and book early.
Typically, the rented house/flat is a wondrous place where milk is invariably off and carpet is of that cheap, spiky variety with added wine-stain pattern. A lot, however, depends on who you share with.
Horror stories abound of students being ripped off by landlords with the morals of sewer rats. If you know your rights and insist on having them adhered to, then you’re well on the way to a home, sweet home. Never agree to take on a place that you’re not happy with. Check out www.thresehold.ie for a clear statement of your rights, and always insist on a rent book. If you are having accommodation problems, go to the welfare officer in your student union and they should be able to give you some advice.
The key to making the most of student accommodation is to embrace the many benefits of having your own place – ignore the damp and cold and enjoy the freedom of running your own life for a change. Random house parties, lengthy late-night Spinal Tap sessions and grown-up sleepovers (!) with guests of your choice are all part of the experience. And remember, the best way to combat lack of finance for oil/gas is to create some good old-fashioned body heat.

WISDOM COMETH AT A PRICE…
Aspirationally, the college experience is all about learning and growing as an individual, both academically and socially. It’s very simple – to stay in college and get those little letters after your name, all you need is to pass your exams. This can be done without overwhelmingly affecting your ‘university of life’ experience, which is just as important and underestimated by many.
Academic requirements aside, interpersonal and social skills are essential when looking for a career after college, so get involved with a club or society, do some work experience and make as many new friends as possible. Emerge from college with the desired qualification but have a little extra to offer as well – it’ll be worth it!
Time management and target-setting are important issues in effective studying, but be realistic. There is little point in drawing up an intricate colour-coded timetable of nightly study if it just isn’t a runner to get it done – or if you’re the type that inevitably ends up cramming with the best of them the night before the exam! Try to make as many lectures as possible and take notes in an organised and intelligent way as they will help when it comes to exams, even if they just help you feel more familiar with the material.
Having an interest in what you are studying certainly helps, but there will still be times when the last thing you want to do is read or memorise information. In this case, a reward system often works quite well. Promise yourself something exciting or relaxing when you get a bit of work done, whether it is simply a pint in the college bar or a full scale shopping spree. Basically, blackmail your brain. It’s never failed yet!
The Leaving Cert Experience, which leaves most people with an overworked brain and a bad taste in their mouth, will have taught you to memorise, memorise and then memorise again. And then to underline it and highlight it and memorise it again!
This is not what learning is supposed to be about and hopefully your college experience will introduce you to a different way of approaching it. If you take one useful piece of information from this article, take this: learn to think for yourself in college. Question, argue and debate, mull things over, chew them up, try exploring outside the box. It’s difficult when you have been inside that box for most of your educational life but now is your chance. Who knows, maybe you’ll begin to enjoy studying!
Or maybe not. Maybe you’ll do exactly what the majority of students do and long-finger all the work till the week before your exams. In the eventuality of this occurring, the following guidelines are quite useful.
Use your strong social and networking skills to gain the best set of notes in the class – this may require you to reciprocate with pints but that’s a small price to pay for instant and concise knowledge. Flatter your lecturers and attempt to discover everything you can about the paper. It may not always work, but it’s definitely worth a try. Apply aforementioned reward system to convince your brain that it’s going to have to work really, really hard for a couple of days and stay alert. You’ll be surprised what you can achieve even within a short period of time.
Finally – and this is a wonderful skill that works best for subjects such as Sociology, English or Philosophy – I call it the Exam Waffling Procedure. It is entirely possible to achieve a good grade in an exam without knowing all of the necessary information*. Speaking from experience, indeed, it is possible to pass a Sociology paper without having crammed all the bookish information in! All you need are some ideas of your own about life, a little bit of knowledge about the subject and some serious attitude. Good luck!
*Do not try this without prior knowledge of your waffling ability – not everyone can waffle effectively.

HEY STUDENT
Surviving on a student's meagre income is notoriously hard. However, always a publication to answer the call of civic duty, Hotpress here presents a few handy pointers on how to get by on the tried and trusted tertiary diet of booze, fags and Pot Noodle.

Step 1. Take one can of Amstel beer as brandished by Mr. Nolan. Whilst said lager may reek of bourgeois extravagance bearing its mind its sponsorship of sundry soccer competitions, it can in fact be purchased for the princely sum of E1.39 per can in your local off-licence. Note also the auxiliary cans stashed away in the background.

Step 2. Pour as per demonstration. It's best if you can do this yourself - and preferably sober - as the "shaky hand" effect practised by nervy sophomore students with shredded nerves (usually due to the industrial quantity of cigarettes consumed during first year) can lead to catastrophic results, eg. "You've pissed yourself" type comments from peers keen to display their dazzlingly sophisticated collegiate wit.

Step 3. Most of us are afraid to sit beside that hard bloke in the front seat on the upper deck of the double decker bus, for fear of brushing knees with said gentlemen, thus rendering him susceptible to taunts vis-à-vis his sexual persuasion from his hard-bloke retinue. Similarly, it is eminently preferable to be spoon-fed Pot Noodle by a member of the opposite sex, lest you surrender all hopes of lothario/sex goddess status within your first week.

Step 4. Relax and be merry in the company of your fellow revellers. This is a time to savour and enjoy, although it behoves us to strike a few notes of caution: at no point engage any stoned conspiracy theorists in conversation; do not proposition any member of the faculty; never, ever attempt to make revisions to any Wittgenstein theses due the next morning whilst in a tired and emotional state.

Step 5. That smiling face says it all. You have now entered the realm of the bona fide third-level student, replete with Withnail & I drinking games, Slint vinyl albums and "ironic" love of daytime TV. Bon voyage!