Caught In The Net

The centre of Manhattan was brought to a standstill last week when the Improv Everywhere collective staged a spoof rooftop U2 gig across the road from Madison Square Garden where the real Dublin rockers were playing the same night.

Despite bearing scant resemblance to the real thing – The Edge was Korean for Chris’sakes! – they managed to con a thousand New Yorkers who craned their necks to see what was happening five storeys above them.

Unfortunately, the funny side wasn’t seen by the NYPD emergency response unit, which shut the stunt down half-way through ‘Pride (In The Name Of Love)’.

“It was chaos,” reads the detailed account at www.improveverywhere.com. “The cops were telling everyone to get off the roof. Bono was handcuffed. People kept poking their heads in and asking why U2 were being arrested. Once they realized that we posed no immediate threat to them or the community at large, they let us go on a disorderly conduct charge.”

Dr. Atkins can fuck right off with himself! If you want to win the Battle of the Bulge, you need to do what a brave Londoner did and go on the Guinness Diet for a week.

“The final weight loss was 9lbs,” read the medical findings at www.theguinnessdiet.blogspot.com. “Over the week I had 30 cans of Guinness and 20 pub pints. The negatives? Visiting the toilet is not at all pleasant; the hunger pangs only come once or twice a day, but it’s extreme hunger; and your urine resembles Irn Bru.”

Sir, we salute you!

With, sniff, no sign of Brian and Kerry getting back together, their Drumnigh Wood, Portmarnock love nest has been put up for sale for a mere €2.5 million. You can take a virtual walk-round at www2.myhome.ie

A vulgar display of new money? Au contraire, the home cinema and snooker room bear testimony to the couple’s exquisitely under-stated taste.

Which just leaves time for quick visits to www.bravotv.com (The new Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston reality show); www.q102philly.com (Hell hath no fury like Bam Magera’s ex-fiance scorned); and www.franzferdinand.org (A very, very naughty fan site).