…and a whopping buffalo bill

It’s six o’clock on Christmas morning. The kids sprint down stairs to open their pressies in front of the tree.

“What’s Santa brought us?” they ask, their little faces flushed with excitement.

“An X-Box with Fifa Soccer 2003?”

No.

“A Lego Harry Potter Hogwarts Castle?”

No, guess again.

“An entire buffalo?”

Yes, which costs just $15,000 to have butchered, portioned and shipped to your front door.
“The skin makes for good slippers and the head is good for mounting,” says the jovial Heartland Buffalo spokeswoman. “You can actually eat dinner and gaze proudly over the fireplace to lock eyes with your supper.”

For those of you who keep score, an entire buffalo yields 20 filet mignon steaks, 40 New York strip steaks, 40 rib eye steaks, two standing rib roasts, 100 pounds of buffalo hot dogs, 100lbs of ground burger, 50lbs of minute steaks, 50lbs of Fajita meat and 40lbs of London broil.

Other novel Christmas gifts listed at www.abcnews.go.com/sections/us/WolfFiles/wolffiles.index.htm include a 500lb barrel of Jack Daniel’s whiskey, straight from the distillery, for a mere $7,500; a $15 million ruby and diamond-encrusted bikini; a portable skating rink for $175; and a human arm and leg for $515, postage and hacking included.

If you’re looking for something a little more fly/dope/urban, why not order one of the Homies! figurine sets which are available from www.villagestreetwear.com. Coming soon: My Little Crack Den, Carjack-In-A-Box and Lewd-ho!

If bikini girls with AK 47’s are more your thing, proceed immediately to www.wargamesfoundry.com They’re already painted but if you want to touch them up, work away.

Which just leaves us time to mention the fantastic Ninja Hamster and Rubber Band Gattling Gun available from www.iwantoneofthose.com and the pictures of a pre-stylist Avril Lavigne which reside at http://hate.apartmentsix.com/archives/00000047.html

Happy holiday surfing!