Tackling the silence around suicide

“When you’re in a really dark place you lose sight of everything, even hope. But as someone once described it, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem,” says Alan Jacques.

Jacques can talk with authority on what it feels like to be suicidal. He has suffered from depression and has experienced suicidal thoughts himself. Now, the presenter of the Green & Live show on Limerick’s Live 95FM is driving the Life Support project – a CD of new Irish music in support of Pieta House, the suicide and self-harm prevention centre, which has just been released.
“Last year I lost my job out of the blue,” he recalls. “ I had been very happy there, but the newspaper closed down. It pulled the rug from under me. For a lot of men, a job is a big part of who you are and your identity is tied in with that. I didn’t cope very well. After a while, suicide was no longer an idea, it was something I was planning for. Suicide was my get-out-of-jail card.
“I wasn’t eating or sleeping,” he adds. “I couldn’t function on any level at all. I have a cousin I am close to and I called him one day and he told me I needed to do something about how I was feeling. He’d heard of Pieta House and suggested I give them a call. I did and I got in, to see them, and things improved dramatically straight away.”
Jacques was suffering from depression, and although his family were supportive, he notes that sometimes this is not enough.
“I was looking for help in all the wrong places. At that point I needed professional help. It was an awful time for my family. It’s very hard to understand another person’s pain and what they are going through. Most of us are not qualified to deal with that. People were supportive but it just didn’t reach me. It wasn’t until I went to counselling that things began to change.”
Jacques had tried anti-depressants but it wasn’t the answer for him.
“Anti-depressants are the quick fix but they actually made me feel worse,” he recalls. “I don’t think they are for everyone. I was depressed because of a life event – I wasn’t just depressed. When I went to Pieta House I told them I was on anti-depressants but I wanted to come off them because they weren’t helping. After a couple of sessions I realised that talking was the best cure for me.”
Suicide is worryingly common in Ireland, particularly among men.
“Women seem to cope better with difficult emotions,” he offers. “Suicide certainly seems to be something that affects a lot of men, not just young men anymore. It’s at epidemic proportions at the minute. I think feeling a failure is a big part of it. I felt useless, a complete failure and I never gave myself any credit.”
Having managed to get through the darkest period of his life, Jacques decided he wanted to do something to help those who are wracked by suicidal thoughts. First, he decided to speak openly about his own experiences to help combat the culture of silence around suicide.
“It’s not easy to talk about this,” he says. “You feel vulnerable, but it’s important just to do it. More people should talk about it. No-one is perfect. We all have moments of crisis in our lives. What I learnt from the whole thing is that it is okay not to be okay.”
Jacques also wanted to do something for Pieta House, and came up with the idea of Life Support.
“With the radio show, I knew a lot of Irish artists. I just picked up the phone and started emailing people and they came on board very quickly. I was chancing my arm with some of the bands as I knew they were busy and finishing albums but they were among the first to get back to me.”
The final result is an 18-track album featuring both established and up-and-coming acts including The Coronas, Delorentos, Wallis Bird, The Flaws and We Cut Corners. Fans of Irish music will be pleased that many of the songs are exclusive to Life Support. It makes for an intriguing collection.
“The response across the board was phenomenal. It is an issue that everyone felt was worthwhile and were keen to get involved. It really rekindled my faith in the goodness of people,” says Jacques.
“Someone said to me, ‘You know, Alan, there isn’t an awful lot of money to be made on charity CDs. It’d be better to do a gig to raise money’. But I felt that the CD was more about awareness than anything else. Somebody asked if I was hoping the CD would get to No. 1, but my answer is that if even one really vulnerable person picks up the phone and rings Pieta House and gets help – it’s mission accomplished.”