5 Reasons Why Man United's Louis van Gaal Is Punk

... and here's why:

1. NEVER MIND THE BOLLOCKS


Mr. van Gaal has an exhibitionist side to him that rivals Jim Morrison, Iggy Pop and assorted Chili Peppers. He goes socks-free, let's put it that way.
Always eager to make sure his players know exactly who's 'Top Dog', the 62-year old has apparently gone to great lengths (ahem) to prove just how big his cojones are. Literally.
Did he have the balls to drop some of Bayern's superstars? The likes of Philipp Lahm, Arjen Robben, Bastian Schweinsteiger and Toni got their graphic answer at one team meeting.
"He demonstrated this literally," Toni has said of his former coach dropping his trousers. "I have never experienced anything like it, it was totally crazy. Luckily I didn't see a lot, because I wasn't in the front row."

2. A FRONTMAN'S CHARISMA IN FRONT OF A CROWD


There's no doubting van Gaal's ability to make a great speech. For evidence, check out his address to Bayern Munich fans after their league and cup double in 2010. Despite wearing a Bavarian shirt that looks like it belongs on a picnic table, he still commands respect and gets the blood pumping. A rare German rally that all of Europe can enjoy, at one point he roars: "I am a party animal!" We believe him.

3. SELF-BELIEF TO THE POINT OF BLASPHEMY


John Lennon reckoned The Beatles were bigger than Jesus. Van Gaal can go one better. After his time in Germany ended in acrimony, Bayern director Uli Hoeness reckoned that: “Van Gaal’s problem is not that he’s God, but he’s God’s very own father. Louis was already there before the world even existed. The world does not work they way he looks at it.”

Talking himself up when he was appointed Bayern manager, van Gaal also unwittingly summed up the punk ethos:
"I am what I am; self-confident, arrogant, dominant, honest, industrious, innovative."

Back in 1991, he told Ajax: "Congratulations on signing the best coach in the world." He backed it up with three league wins in a row and their first European Cup since the '70s.

In general, he gives good sneering quote.

On hearing that his old friend Hugo Burst had penned a book on him, O, Louis, he deadpanned:

"Congratulations. It will sell good. Anything with my head on it will sell good."

Exactly what John Lydon thought when he signed up for those butter ads, we imagine.

4. HE'S DOWN WITH THE KIDS, MAN


United executive co-chairman Joel Glazer Ed Woodward – think of him as "The Man" in this scenario, as van Gaal will inevitably stick it to him if things go sour – stated yesterday that the thinking behind his appointment was his incredible track record in nurturing and promoting youth talent.

"I am delighted that Louis will be our next manager," Glazer said. "He has an outstanding pedigree as a coach, both as a man who motivates his teams to win trophies and as someone who believes in giving young players a chance to prove their worth."

You can say that again. His tremendous Champions League-winning Ajax side included home-grown players such as Edgar Davids, the De Boer twins, Marc Overmars, Clarence Seedorf, Edwin van der Sar and Patrick Kluivert. He was also the man who gave Xavi his first chance at Barca.

Not only that, van Gaal took the likes of Mourinho and Guardiola under his coaching wing, which turned out pretty well for those two. No pressure, Giggsy.

5. HE'S GOT THE LOOK (DODGY SARTORIAL DECISIONS INCLUDED)


More controlled than the bug-eyed lead Sex Pistol Lydon, van Gaal's gaze is even more intimidating. Just check out the death stare at 4.20:

In terms of dress sense, van Gaal wasn't always the understatedly quiffed, suited and booted gent of the game he is today.

No, no, no – and indeed, just plain no:

Sure, he might have been closer to Richard Carpenter than Richard Hell when punk was in its heyday, but it all falls under the wide umbrella of "rock" and that willingness to look so very ridiculous is very punk indeed.
Or maybe it's just a Dutch thing. Regardless, he either looks like a bassist or a pimp. Perhaps both. Plus, if you make a plural out of his nickname "The Iron Tulip", you have a perfect punk band moniker.