Why wouldn't you want sex with a younger man?

"Catch them young; treat them rough; tell them nothing.” That’s my mother’s recipe for a happy relationship. Celebrities like Madonna, Cameron Diaz and Demi Moore may have made the trend of older women and younger man more acceptable, but it’s old hat in the Sexton household. My mother is seven years older than my father and my brother married a woman five years his senior.

It was no surprise to my folks then when I came home in my late twenties with a fresh-faced lad of just one-and-twenty accessorising my arm. While a bitter ex-lover had been bandying my name and the words ‘cradle-snatcher’ all over town, my family thought that Adam was lovely. And indeed he was: he was a breath of fresh air.
A report in The Sunday Times noted that number of British women marrying men at least eight years younger has doubled in the last two decades. According to the experts this change has come about because women’s careers, and thus greater spending power, have freed them from the need to marry a breadwinner. The modern woman is apparently more likely to choose a man who fulfils her sexual needs, as she is well able to bring home the bacon, ciabatta and Sauvignon Blanc all by herself.
The Sunday papers also report that increasing numbers of Western women are travelling to developing countries to hook up with younger men. Some of these encounters are little more than straightforward sex-for-cash transactions; others may develop into long-term arrangements. Certainly some of these relationships may be based on economic or practical considerations – sex in return for a visa or an easier lifestyle – but not all of them. Despite the sniggers of cynics, some women claim to have found romantic and sexual satisfaction with their young Lotharios. And is that such an outrageous thought? Not from this woman’s perspective anyway…
What is the attraction of a younger man? There are many, of course, but quite frankly a lot of the time it boils down to one very simple motivation – sex. I don’t know where the old chestnut that women are not aroused by visual stimuli came from, but of course it’s total nonsense. Women like younger men for the same reasons that men like younger women – tight bodies, clear skin, shiny hair and the promise of great sex.
There is an important distinction between a younger man and a toy boy. A few years difference when you are smack bang in the middle of your prime is hardly noticeable. In these cases the relative youth of one partner is neither a bonus nor a hindrance; it hardly rates a mention.
A toy boy is a different proposition indeed. A toy boy is not just younger – he’s young. One of the toy boy’s greatest attractions is that he is a commitment-free zone. For the girl who finds it hard to commit to what she’s doing next weekend, the younger man is a blessing. You see, what many men have not yet seemed to grasp, is that not all women are anxious to get into the fairytale frock and settle down in the suburbs before hitting the big three-0.
For the average party girl, things tend to get a little tricky in the mid-to-late twenties. While her friends are dropping like flies to the matrimonial bug, the man in her life may start to get a little anxious, wondering if her biological clock is about to turn into a time-bomb.
Worse still is the bloke who catches wedding fever himself and starts making not so subtle hints about joint mortgages and the necessity of having children while still in your twenties. Under these circumstances, for anyone who is determined to stay out of the kiddie frying pan for at least a while yet, it may indeed be a smart move to downsize to a younger man.
The second great attraction of a toy boy is his sexual inexperience. A woman in her late teens or early twenties often prefers an older, more experienced lover to the fumbling attempts of her contemporaries. In a sexual relationship, things tend to work better if at least one person knows what they are doing. However, once you have gained enough sexual experience yourself, a lover’s lack of experience is no barrier. In fact, it’s a bonus because being with a younger man gives a woman the opportunity to be in control of the sexual relationship.
Both men and women may be attracted to younger partners because teaching someone about sex is a major turn-on. No matter how much of a stud a younger man may claim to be, the older woman, with several years more sexual experience to her credit, will almost certainly have more than a few tricks to teach him. Best of all, he knows it. Younger men are generally willing to take sexual direction without feeling insulted or concluding that you are difficult to please.
So with all of this in favour of younger men, why don’t more women ditch their partners for toy boys? In fairness, there are at least two sides to every story – and dating a younger man has its drawbacks too. As time passes, the young fella gets older and becomes more mature. Unfortunately the same thing is happening to you. In these cases its not uncommon for your darling younger man to decide that age actually is an issue after all and throw you over for a newer model. No woman wants that – just ask Francesca Annis.
Revelations that her partner of eleven years, Ralph Fiennes had been cheating on her with a woman half her age had the tabloids and broadsheets rubbing their hands in glee. Fiennes is 43 to Annis’ 61 and the other woman, Cornelia Crisan is comparatively a spring chicken at only 31.
Nothing is absolute, but different levels of maturity can make things difficult. My Adam was great fun. He was always up for going out, having a laugh and having sex. He had no emotional baggage, no work stress and no worries. But Adam, despite the glories of his youth and body, was not able to keep me intellectually stimulated. And therein lies a big problem. After a while I realised that our relationship could never be more than a fling. It wasn’t his fault; I knew that I was the problem. Despite my best efforts, I’d grown up. Sexual relationships are not just about sex. If they were, they’d be a lot easier.
These relationships may have their difficulties, but then that’s life, isn’t it? Depending on all of the usual issues – personality, intelligence, sense of humour and so on – a younger man may have much to recommend him. And it would certainly be unfair to dismiss someone simply because they happen to fall into a lower age bracket. In some instances it may, be that the disparity in maturity and experience is the real issue, not age; in others the age difference may just be so great that there is no way around it.
Just this week, a gorgeous blue-eyed boy called John tried to pick me up on the beach. After a few minutes of conversation he decided I was the bomb and was determined not to let me return to Thomas. As I tried to depart, he clung onto my leg and started to wail. I was grateful when his mother rescued me, as young John was only four.
But I was flattered. Nothing is guaranteed to boost the ego of a woman of a certain age more than the knowledge that she is attractive to blokes several years her junior. It’s Botox for the soul.