WHAP! (Read 'Em 'N' Weep)

WITH THE Spank, sorry, Bank Holiday Weekend upon us, we thought you d be interested in a magazine that enables you to get the most out of your leisure time.
Currently celebrating its fifth birthday, Whap! is the dispenser of sexy tips n tricks to make your man worship and obey you!
Whatever about books, the American bi-monthly is easily judged by its cover which shows a stern-faced lady beating her hubby with a wooden spoon.
Women new to the flagellation game will be interested to hear that, You already own the most popular spanking implement: your open hand. The only drawback about giving hand spankings is that your palm might end up as pink as your husband s bottom. Therefore, many wives opt for a commonly found household object. Wooden spoons and hairbrushes are traditional favourites. TV remote controls and portable telephone are more contemporary choices and ones you can use to emphasise a point.
In response to the needs of the Amish community, the mag has come up with its own Whap! Marriage Counsellor Hairbrush which, with its solid beechwood and genuine boar bristles, will sort out any marital problems.
Persistent naughtiness may require one of the ingenious devices available mail-order from Arthur Hamilton, Inc of New York.
It won t just be his legs that turn to jelly when you get to work with their medical-quality enema equipment and select line of insertable devices.
Like all good publications, there s a Whap! reviews section which includes critiques of such page-turners as The Technology of Orgasm: Hysteria, the Vibrator, and Women s Sexual Satisfaction by Rachel P. Maines.
The final word goes to an East Coast reader who has this advice: No woman should engage in cunnilingus without paying strict attention to cleanliness. You really need to address hygiene concerns first, because men s mouths are filthy. Washing his mouth out with soap and hot water is a smart precaution.
You can try before you buy by logging on to www.whapmag.com or send $20 for four issues to P.O. Box 69491, Los Angeles, CA 90069. We did enquire but, unfortunately, there are no discounts for members of the clergy.
Stuart Clark