The Smartest Dummy In The Room

It’s long been said that the primary reason guys pick up guitars is to get girls. With that in mind, does picking up a dummy and hitting the stage work just as well? “I think it’s kinda the opposite,’ laughs Jeff Dunham, the undisputed king of ventrilo-comedy. “If you want people to leave you alone you should get a dummy! I wouldn’t recommend it. If you’re going to pick up chicks, get a guitar! I always had girlfriends, but it must have been a unique girl who either put up with, or was drawn to, a guy with a doll.”

For those ladies drawn to that ‘guy with a doll’, did the onstage act ever invade the bedroom? “Haha, girlfriends along the way – and my ex-wife – used to get that question a lot! ‘Does he make things talk in the bedroom?’ I made that joke in my show, that voices would come from places where... there shouldn’t be voices!”
Dunham’s voice is coming down the phoneline all the way from LA. But surely a long-distance chat is cheating for a ventriloquist. “Nah, I’m not cheating. Honestly, I’m not moving my lips one little bit at all!” We believe him – he’s a dab hand at this quirky art of his and has been hugely responsible for taking the antiquated craft of ventriloquy into the modern ages. He’s also added a little edge and a lot of humour to the once-corny form of entertainment. Now, he’s reaping the rewards. A genuinely massive star Stateside, he’s been dubbed ‘America’s favourite comedian’ and ranks just below Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock on the list of comedy’s top-earners. Thanks to clips of routines with his Achmed The Dead Terrorist dummy going viral, Dunham’s cracked it in Europe as well. It meant he could visit Irish shores several years ago, performing in the Olympia Theatre. “It was great,” he says of the show. “Obviously, being a US comedian going to Ireland or anywhere in Europe, you wonder how you’re going to be accepted. If people are going to laugh. With YouTube, the world has become a very small place. 90% of the people there knew what they were getting themselves into, they knew the material and the characters...” A considered pause. “I don’t know if I should admit this... I like The Corrs!” He will later claim that this is his attempt at sucking up to Irish readers. Nice try Jeff.
Did he consider coming out with a leprechaun dummy? “That’s a great idea! That’s really funny, he’d already be the right size. Now that you mention it, there was a guy who had a ‘ventriloquist dummy’ that was actually just a real life midget. He’d bring him out with lines drawn on his face. Then halfway through the act the midget would get up and run away!” For the time being, Jeff is content to stick with his inanimate props. Still, that doesn’t explain how he got into ventriloquism in the first place. “Well I was an only child. I was no good at sports or any of the typical things that make kids popular. I just happened to find this unique art that I could be good at. I’d get in front of the class and spend two minutes on the book report and the other ten minutes picking on my classmates, the lunch ladies, the principal! I guess there was an element of cool that followed me through to high school. I didn’t get beaten up, maybe because I was saying those things that no other kid could say.”
That is still part of the appeal for Jeff. Through his cast of wooden characters, he can get away with material that many comedians wouldn’t dare touch – be it Achmed threatening to kill the audience, or grumpy retiree Walter espousing his ultra-conservative views. The only surprise is that he hasn’t popped up with a disgraced Wall Street banker puppet. “You’re coming up with some good ones here, that’s really funny! Leprechauns, disgraced Wall Street bankers... maybe it should be the disgraced Wall Street banker who’s a leprechaun?” Brief creative spitballing session concluded, Dunham continues the point: “A straight stand-up can only go so far. If he goes too far, he gets into trouble. What I’m doing onstage is pretty much arguing with myself. I can say something that’s controversial and then immediately argue back at the ‘person’ who said it. Sometimes the critics say, ‘Oh, he’s a racist, he does this, he does that...’ My point is, like a good television sitcom or movie, I’ve created these characters that think and say certain things in any given situation. It doesn’t mean I believe what they say. It’s a play on stage.” And if a heckler gets suitably riled up, they can direct their ire towards the two-foot puppet perched on his lap. Jeff is just an innocent bystander. As it transpires, the one flaw he can find in playing enormodomes filled with thousands of people is that he loses that audience participation. “The one thing I do really miss is being able to talk to people in the front row. That was one of the charms of doing the small clubs – talking to some guy in the audience about what he does for a living.
“But that’s the only thing I really miss. How can you argue with those thousands and thousands of people? Jay Leno was once asked when was he was going to take a vacation and he replied with: ‘Let me get this straight. I walk onstage, I tell jokes, thousands of people applaud and laugh. I get a standing ovation and walk off stage and get handed a big cheque. What’s the problem here?!’”
The closest thing Dunham gets to a vacation these days is his annual summer trip to the Vent Haven International Ventriloquists’ ConVENTion. It must make for quite the gathering. We really do have to ask... “Hahaha, those are my two favourite questions today: do you recommend dummies if guys want to score chicks and do you go to the awkward ventriloquist convention! We still have that every single summer and it is odd. Not just a little bit odd, it’s really odd! This year’s was our biggest one ever. We had 525 people there, all ventriloquists, and the vast majority of them walk around the hotel carrying their dummies and talking to each other. It’s a bit strange but I’ve been going since I was a kid.”
Do kids ever approach Jeff today, inspired to start throwing their voice? “Yeah, that happens,” he says. “That’s one of the products that we’ll be coming out with around Christmas time. One of the new characters is Little Jeff, this ‘very ugly dummy’ – which of course looks like me. So we’re bringing that out and it’ll come with a DVD that teaches ventriloquism. Hopefully the kids can get into that. For kids that have nothing to do, if they’re not good at soccer, pick up a doll... and maybe you’ll get chicks!”

Jeff Dunham’s new live DVD Controlled Chaos is out November 4.