The king is fed

Seeing as Sam Snort stole our copy of Ted Nugent Adventure Outdoor – you’ll get yours you big-langered bollox! – we’re starting this fortnight with another of rock’s heavyweights.

How did The King become the huge star he was when, as the coroner put it, he fell victim to, “A terminal event on the commode”?

The answer can be found at www.cs.purdue.edu/homes/spaf/Yucks, a handy dandy compendium of outrageous but true stories.

Revealed: The Elvis Presley Killer Diet screams the headline and, sure enough, you can almost feel your own arteries hardening as it’s revealed that his total dietary intake averaged 94,000 calories. 84,000 of those were accounted for by dinner, a lardtastic feed comprising of two Fool’s Gold sandwiches – a jar of peanut butter, a jar of strawberry jam and 1lb of crisp-fried bacon on two baguettes. Sometimes deep-fried again if Elvis was particularly in need of sustenance. Other Yuck-y stories you’ll want to peruse include Australia Sex Industry Seeks Bull Penis Export and The Dangers Of Total Body Buttock Grafting.

From there it’s but a mere waddle to the odd Super Furry Animal-related goings on at www.dogshitterwants.com If anybody knows what Big Animal TV is all about, please drop us a line.

Tired of paying Dublin prices for booze? Well, the Thickos Guide To Distilling Alcohol provides a step-by-step guide to making moonshine. You’ll be amazed at what you can do – and how hungover you can get – with sugar, yeast, water, an old bucket and an airing cupboard to contain any explosions that may arise from your illicit behaviour. Your passport to eternal pissment awaits at www.thickos.co.uk

Forget The Hives, our new favourite Swedish band are the mighty Vomitory. Who could refrain from tapping their toe to the likes of ‘Raped In Their Own Blood’, ‘Nailed, Quartered, Consumed’, ‘Revelation Nausea’ and ‘40 Seconds Bloodbath’? All of which, Celtic fans, are produced by one Henrik Larsson.

As for why they cancelled a recent gig in Austria, drummer Tobiaz explains: “Erik had severe pain in his stomach. And I had some serious diarrhea, which caused certain limitations.” There’s more death metalling to be had at www.vomitory.com.