The dog's bollocks

2004 is the year of Allen Leech. And not just among his immediate friends and family.

There must be at least one or two Leech bandwagon hoppers about the place, if his recent IFTA (Irish Film and Television Awards, don’t you know) nomination for Best Actor is anything to go by. This acknowledgement of Mr. Leech’s thespian excellence comes courtesy of his swish, lipsticked performance as Vincent in Cowboys And Angels, an anachronistically flamboyant Limerick character, even by that film’s decadent standards.
“I had to wear more mascara than Anne Doyle”, the ridiculously young-looking Dublin-born actor tells me, “and I was once on a plane where Anne Doyle got on in a see-through shirt, so I know she wears a lot of make-up. I had to wear so much stuff on my eyes I couldn’t lift both lids at once. I had a great laugh doing it though. He was a cool character, and besides, any excuse to wear a tank top.”
Having gone all native and effeminate in Limerick, Allen looks all set to be the young Irish (and male, obviously) Meryl Streep. For his latest film, the director Paddy (I Went Down) Breathnach’s rambunctious comedy Man About Dog, Allen was required to get all cheeky chappie and master the notoriously difficult Belfast accent.
“It was terrible to begin with”, says Allen, covering his eyes with his hands, and visibly wilting at the recollection. “The first time I attempted that accent Paddy Breathnach and Pearse Elliot, the writer, burst out laughing. Over the course of ten minutes I did a tour of the six counties, and worse, I went all the way to Kerry and rambled around there.
“So the first thing they did when I got the gig was hire Brendan Gunn, the voice-coach. And I stayed in Belfast with Pearse in order to listen to the banter. Paddy thought I needed to have that soft Southern edge beaten out of me.”
Well, everyone concerned must have done a good job, for Allen’s performance in Man About Dog is note perfect. Playing Mo Chara, a forward young whelp from the Ardoyne, Allen leads fellow ne’r-do-wells Scud (Ciaran Nolan) and Paulsy (Tom Murphy) on a chancy expedition to Clonmel, hoping to win a coursing meet with their newly acquired greyhound, Cerberus, and beat Sean McGinley’s villainous bookie in the process.
Along the way, the crew get chased by Pat Shortt’s itinerant clan, sign up to be human guinea-pigs, have sexual encounters with beautiful Russian chicks and all manner of misadventures. It’s a sort of cool, indigenous spin on the Guy Ritchie oeuvre, with a goofy, likable laddish charm. Given Allen’s own natural gifts as a comedian – he’s a bit of a scream, this boy, in case you haven’t gathered – he was more than delighted to land the central role.
“I really liked the snappy script and I loved Mo Chara”, says Allen of his waggish alter-ego. “He’s cool. He’s sort of a schemer, the kind of guy at school that could find out where you could get fake Rolexes, but with a big heart as well. My brother was always a bit of a DelBoy, so it was really fun to pretend to be him. He’s probably going to kill me for saying that.”
Long before possible fratricide became an option, the Leech children hosted only two domestic pets during childhood – a rabbit and a hamster (with the hots for each other, apparently). Consequently, the world of canine sports was every bit as foreign to the actor as the West Belfast dialect.
“It was a mad world,” claims Allen, “especially up North, where they love their dogs. You keep seeing all wildly out of proportion couplings of burly men with these tiny little terriers, and the races did seem enjoyable, except we had to keep looking at a Land Rover with the camera in it.”
For a non-dog-convert, Allen did, however, manage to establish quite a rapport with his co-starring mutt. You might even call it puppy love. Well, if you were a particular kind of pervert, you might.
“We had to do this scene with me and Paulsy asleep in bed beside the greyhound,” explains Allen, “and the dog just wouldn’t lie down. Paddy was wasting loads of film, so the animal trainer, Sue Potter, comes along and says ‘Give me your hand. This is the way to calm a greyhound down.’ So she puts my hand on the dog’s testicles and I had to massage them. We didn’t have the full massage table or anything, but I think the dog was enjoying himself. I could hear his breathing getting deeper, and when I looked around – and I swear this is true – the dog started smiling at me. So Paddy did get his shot, but he owes me big for that one. That is a service I consider above and beyond the call of duty.”
So, any chance he’ll be touching up his mascara and going in Cowboys And Angels guise for the actual IFTA award ceremony? And more importantly, will his new canine friend be accompanying him down the red carpet?
“No, that didn’t work out. We went out a few times, but the dog lives in London, and I don’t do long-distance relationships. I haven’t decided on a designer for my frock yet. I haven’t even decided what colour I’m going to wear. I know green is in for winter, so it’ll be a nice little tight green affair, if I can find something suitable.”
If he were entirely in earnest, I’d say that would be quite a career move. Though what career, I wouldn’t like to think.

Man About Dog is on general release