Mad Hatter: Tony Cantwell

Who would be the last person you would invite to your birthday party?
I’d be fairly open door, but not partial to anyone who laughs at anyone for trying something new.

Who would be the first person you would invite to your birthday party?
My cousin and closest pal Omar – we share a birthday, so inviting him first means HE’S attending MY party.

Favourite saying?
Currently ‘Fuck The Boats’, basically meaning: let’s make it happen!

Favourite record?
So by Peter Gabriel / I’m Still In Love With You by Al Green / Pinkerton by Weezer.

Favourite book?
Maus by Art Spiegelman.

Favourite film?
Terminator 2: Judgement Day.

Favourite author?
Alan Moore.

Favourite actor / actress?
Andy Serkis blows my mind. A chimp, like!

Favourite musician?
The Beatles.

Most embarrassing moment of your life?
When I called my brother’s friend the wrong name, I doubled down on it by saying, “Well, that’s what I call you – in fact I’ve got nicknames for all of you.” I then proceeded to walk around the room, renaming all of my brother’s friends.

Favourite food/drink/stimulant?
Big pot of mussels and a pint of G.

TV programme?
Binging with Babish or Gourmet Makes on Youtube – the best cooking shows on the web.

Favourite TV personality?
Love me some Brad Leone.

Favourite item of clothing?
My Airism boxers from Uniqlo, they’re just so unbelievably soft and comfortable. They make any day a great day. Don’t skimp on soft comfy boxers.

Most desirable date?
Doing a small plates crawl with my wife, reviewing everything as we go and having 90 dinners.

Favourite method of relaxation?
Watching DIY tutorial videos of people fixing Gameboys.

If you weren’t pursuing your present career, what other career might you have chosen?
Magician, but like actually magic.

Biggest thrill?
When something clicks in my brain and I can see how a sketch/song is gonna come together.

Biggest disappointment?
My first meet.

Your concept of heaven?
In the shed with the lads and a bag of cans.

Your concept of hell?
Being broke, late and having no credit.

What would be your dying words?
Congratulations again to Ireland and that’s been the Eurovision, I’ve been your host Tony Cantwell.

Greatest ambition?
Win a Golden Globe Award for Best Television Series.

Period of history you’d most like to have lived in and why?
The ’80s New Romantic era.

If you weren’t a human being, which animal would you have chosen to be?
My spirit animal is a hedgehog. My brother, when he was a Wiccan, did a spell on me, and that night a hedgehog came in the back door.

If you were told that the world was ending tomorrow morning, how would you react/what would you do?
Go on a small plates tour with my wife.

Your nominee for the world’s best-dressed person?
Take Waititi is blowing my mind fashion-wise at the moment.

Favourite term of abuse?
CLIM! The Hardy Bucks boys have been using it for years, but it’s just the most satisfying to say.

Biggest fear?
My Da being annoyed with me.

Humanity’s most useful invention?
Karaoke machine.

Humanity’s most useless invention?
WAR.

• Tony Cantwell plays The Venue Theatre, Ratoath on March 14; Spirit Store, Dundalk (21); and Dráiocht, Blanchardstown (27).