Mad Hatter: Dr. Ciara Kelly

Who would be the last person you would invite to your birthday party?

Jacob Rees Mogg... Apart from his odious arrogance, I think he looks really sinister, like a Bond villain!

Who would be the first person you would invite to your birthday party?

Helen Mirren... I LOVE her sass.

Favourite saying?

I’d like to say it’s something erudite and profound, but it’s probably “For fuck’s sake.”

Favourite record?

Doolittle by The Pixies or maybe Purple Rain by Prince... I like lots of more recent music too, but those two are like old friends...

Favourite book?

A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry – I literally wept reading it. I don’t think I have ever been as emotionally invested in characters before.

Favourite film?

So many! Casablanca, The Empire Strikes Back, Once Were Warriors, Wild At Heart, La Reine Margot and, very recently, I thought The Favourite was amazing. I also loved A Star Is Born.

Favourite author?

Edna O’Brien, whom I think we as a nation should be very proud of. Also Jane Austen, Tom Robbins, John Irving and Zadie Smith.

Favourite actor/actress?

Hmmm, I do love John Cusack, but lately Bradley Cooper is surprisingly standing out – he was amazing in American Hustle. In terms of actresses, Sharon Horgan is fantastic; I love how funny she is. Rachel Weisz and Emma Stone both deserved Oscars this year too – but ask me again next week and I’d probably say someone different.

Favourite musician?

Argh, this is too hard to pick… Prince, Joni Mitchell, Neil Young, Bowie, Annie Lennox, Paul Weller... am I showing my age? Jason Isbell is also amazing.

Most embarrassing moment of your life?

Without a shadow of a doubt, auditioning for the musical Jekyll & Hyde that I’m acting in, in the Pavillion in Dun Laoghaire in March ... I have literally never known such exquisite mortification.

Favourite food/drink/stimulant?

Tea and coffee... I am an unrepentant, irreformable caffeine addict.

TV programme?

Again I’d like to say something dark and psychologically deep from Scandinavia, but it’s actually Modern Family.

Favourite TV personality?

I do love Dermot Bannon, and Clelia Murphy has been a total all-round entertainer on Dancing With The Stars, but I think it’s probably still Graham Norton.

Favourite item of clothing?

I have a weakness for boots, bags and coats, but of everything I own, my very favorite is a much-bashed, brown leather bag that I will never part with.

Most desirable date?

Dinner in a small, low-lit restaurant with an open fire, with someone sexy and interesting, would cover it nicely.

Favourite method of relaxation?

Sleeping, reading, walking and maybe a glass of wine by the fire.

If you weren’t pursuing your present career, what other career might you have chosen?

Ha! Knowing me and my already varied career path, it could be anything. But actually I would say musical theatre or writing would be the only things, apart from medicine and broadcasting, that appeal...

Biggest thrill?

Going on stage. And finding someone who says stuff no one else says ... I love hearing something from someone I’ve never heard before.

Biggest disappointment?

Perhaps not being brave enough to change things up earlier in my life.

Your concept of heaven?

Don’t believe in heaven, so to me it’s finding happiness in life.

Your concept of hell?

Again, don’t believe in it for a moment... but one of my children dying I think would be the worst thing that could happen. So outliving my children is probably as close to it as I can imagine.

What would be your dying words?

“For fuck’s sake.” Nah, I’d hope they would be, “Goodbye, I love you.”

Greatest ambition?

Writing a book or performing in the West End! Actually, my greatest ambition was to get a radio show, so I’m extremely lucky to have seen it happen.

Period of history you’d most like to have lived in and why?

I quite like the idea of the Roaring Twenties, but it would have had to have been somewhere else like New York or London... Ireland was shit for women in the past, so no time other than now would have been preferable here.

If you weren’t a human being which animal would you have chosen to be?

I actually think about that a lot! I’d love to be a bird, because I would absolutely love to be able to fly!

If you were told that the world was ending tomorrow morning, how would you react/what would you do?

I wouldn’t waste my time reacting badly – I’d tell everyone I love that I love them. I’d stay up all night eating, drinking and… And I’d sit with those I love on a beach or a cliff, and watch the sunrise on the last day and hug them all.

Your nominee for the world’s best-dressed person?

Is it bad that I’ve no idea!

Favourite term of abuse?

Fucking dose! (Also prick, twat, bollocks and cockwomble deserve honorable mentions). To be honest, I curse like a trooper.

Biggest fear?

People I love dying.

Humanity’s most useful invention?

It’s probably the wheel or fire, but I have to give an honourable shout-out to vaccines and the oral contraceptive pill.

Humanity’s most useless invention?

Instagram... Oh, and those designer trousers where one leg is wider than the other! For fuck’s sake.

• Ciara Kelly presents Lunchtime Live on Newstalk from 12-4 p.m. Monday to Friday. Check @ciarakellydoc for updates on her #100daysofwalking.