Family Values

Somebody who works in the Limerick branch of Eason s told me recently that magazines about the Queen outsell the NME there by two to one.
What does this mean? Well, there are obviously a lot of indie-hating Irish people with a secret penchant for old dears poncing around with crowns on their head. They re not your actual monarchy, I know, but just look at the way the likes of Lord Henry Mountcharles are fawned over by the media here. If anything s guaranteed to get a social diarist moist, it s West Brit nobility.
All of which brings us to Royalty, a magazine that one suspects would love to see a return to the feudal system. Or at the very least, the chopping off of Mohammad Al Fayed s head.
The Duke of Edinburgh has withdrawn his Royal Warrant from top store Harrods after 40 years of patronage, they gleefully report. A Palace spokesman said the decision not to renew the honour was taken because of a decline in the amount of trade between the Duke s household and the store.
I wonder why that is. The glossy photo-spread on pages 14 and 15 illustrates an old royal truism. You may be short, fat and cursed with a wispy beard, but as long as you re the King of Jordan, you ll have no problem finding yourself an absolute stunner of a wife. The only trouble with Queen Rania is that, like that Jezabelle Princess Di, she s a commoner.
As a loyal monarchist, all I have to say is that everyone needs to get over this Diana worship, proffers a nameless reader. She was divorced from Charles, so she was no longer a Princess of Wales in my mind. She was too absorbed in being a saint to the world, which was really only to make herself look good and the Royals look bad. She is dead now, so let s thank God that s all over with and get on with our lives.
Want a penfriend? If so, howsabout Mrs Betty Shuttleworth of Wheeling, Virginia whose hobbies include collecting things on Princess Diana, Sarah Ferguson, Sophie, dolls, cats and old things. I also like to collect angels, teddy bears and fairies. I have an interest in mythological flying things such as gargoyles, postcards. I also enjoy Pen Pals photos, bookmarks, music, reading and writing book. I hope you will write soon and fill my box.
Quite. The shocking news for Mrs. Shuttleworth and her ilk is that, An anarchist group is planning a cheeky demonstration against the Royal Family by
organising a Moon Against The Monarchy . The Movement Against The Monarchy is asking protestors to drop their trousers in front of Buckingham Palace. The message on the movement s website says: Drop em! It s going to be kecks at half-mast for Britain s doomed royals.
Now that s what I call an anus horribilis!
Stuart Clark