David Nihill - Mad Hatter Q&A: Greatest ambition? "I would like to get stoned and swim in a river of chocolate"

Who would be the last person you would invite to your birthday party?
Benjamin Netanyahu. 

Who would be the first person you would invite to your birthday party?
Paul McGrath. 

Favourite saying?
“Get outta dat garden.” I don’t use it, but I do like it. “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” I don’t say this either, but I do think it.

Favourite record?
Counting Crows - ‘Mr Jones’.

Favourite book?
The Fish That Ate The Whale: The Life And Times Of America’s Banana King by Rich Cohen

Favourite film?
In The Name Of The Father. 

Favourite author?
Currently, Michael Lewis. Malcolm Gladwell or Bill Bryson a lot of the time!

Favourite actor / actress?
Cillian Murphy. 

Favourite musician?
Dermot Kennedy. Is there nothing that man can’t make sound deep and meaningful?

Dermot Kennedy at the Irish Music Month launch at Áras an Uachtaráin. Copyright Miguel Ruiz.

Most embarrassing moment of your life?
As a seven-year-old, I went fishing for tadpoles, peed without surveying my surroundings, and had an argument with an electrical fence. Exactly as painful as it sounds.

Favourite food/drink/stimulant?
Red Bull Ice Cream. I’m okay if there’s no Red Bull in it, although I did recently come across this seldom award-winning combination in Macedonia. More accurate answers: Acai and Mango anything.

Most desirable date?
1916. What better place for a rising. Alternatively: a drink, a beach and a sunset.

Favourite method of relaxation?
Kiteboarding. It doesn’t sound relaxing, but it keeps the mind in the moment and tires you so much, you have no choice but to relax after. It’s like gateway relaxation.

Photo: David Courbit

If you weren’t pursuing your present career, what other career might you have chosen?
In school, I always said a chicken farmer in Southern Yemen (to the deep confusion of career guidance counsellors). I was very keen to be a fireman in Dublin, but the feeling wasn’t mutual.

Biggest thrill?
Dragging a seal decoy made of carpet behind a boat to attract a great white shark, which shockingly worked.

Biggest disappointment?
When I came in the lowest five percentile for spelling ability for my age group in the whole country. Sadly, I wrote Davdi on the test, so it took them a while to figure out which of the seven Davids in my class also identified as an Indian-sounding boy called Davdi.

Your concept of heaven?
A batter sausage soaked in vinegar at 3am.

Your concept of hell?
The after effects of said sausage.

Greatest ambition?
I would like to get stoned and swim in a river of chocolate.

What would be your dying words?
“I know, it wasn’t my best plan”. Alternatively, “Ah bollox, that wasn’t the best plan.”

Period of history you’d most like to have lived in and why?
The ice age, it just sounds cool.

If you weren’t a human being, which animal would you have chosen to be?
A sheep so I’d always have someone warm and similar to follow around, who if I’m sleep deprived I can count (on)… see what I tried to do there. Sorry. I’ll see myself out.

If you were told that the world was ending tomorrow morning, how would you react/what would you do?
I would find out exactly what time and set an alarm, just in case I slept through it.

Your nominee for the world’s best-dressed person?
Homer Simpson. He keeps it simple and consistent. Like Steve Jobs, with less ego.

Favourite term of abuse?
Banana, or for escalating tensions, wanknugget. I may have coined this last little known and underutilised one.

Humanity’s most useless invention?
Selfie stick (unless used as a weapon to beat other people with selfie sticks).

• David Nihill brings his Taking Tangents tour to Dublin’s 3Olympia Theatre on Saturday May 16, 2026.