Blonde on Blonde

Seconds before I first saw Ulrika Jonsson in the flesh I was dreaming about her (in the flesh). Literally. Fearful of missing my early-morning flight to London I'd stayed up all the previous night in Dublin with the result that by the time I arrived at the BBC studios in Wood Lane I was completely knackered, practically hallucinating with sleep deprivation.

Noticing my zombie-like state, a very pleasant receptionist kindly brought me to a dressing room deep in the bowels of the building - last occupied by Boyzone, coincidentally - and told me that Ms. Jonsson would be there in twenty minutes or so. "Make yourself comfortable," she said.

There was a small couch-bed in the corner of the room so I did. Originally I only meant to lie down and rest my weary head for a few moments but, inevitably, fell fast asleep within seconds. I dreamed Swede dreams. When I woke up there was a beautiful blonde standing in the room. I only wish such things happened more often!

"Hi, I'm Ulrika," she smiled, extending a dainty hand.

"I know," I smiled back.

Of course I knew who she was. Everyone knows! Ulrika Jonsson - or Ulrika-ka-ka-ka as Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer excitedly refer to her on their post-modern comedy panel show Shooting Stars - the former TV-am weather girl with the Head & Shoulders hair and blue eyes deeper than the Titanic, has the kind of public profile that lesser TV-presenters would gladly torch their designer wardrobes for. Between presenting Gladiators, guesting on Shooting Stars and regularly appearing in a variety of, em, variety shows, she's clocked up so many on-screen hours over the past eleven years that her perfect Swedish features are probably permanently burnt into the retinas of most of the viewing public at this stage.

Obviously there's a downside to that kind of fame and nobody knows this better than Ulrika. She's grown up in public over the past few years, every twist and turn in her life's fortunes breathlessly documented by the tabloid press. When she married cameraman John Turnbull in 1990 it made the cover of Hello! magazine. In 1993, she had an affair with another cameraman, Phil Piotrowski, and when pictures of the pair kissing appeared in the Daily Mail it almost ruined her marriage. She reconciled with John and in 1994 they had a baby son, Cameron. Then The Sun broke the story of her affair with Hunter, the muscle-bound male bimbo from Gladiators and it was announced that her marriage was over.

More recently she's being dating Aston Villa striker Stan Collymore. I didn't know it at the time but on the day this interview took place, The Mirror had just run a front page headline which read "EXCLUSIVE: ULRIKA DUMPS STAN AFTER HER NIGHT WITH CHRIS EVANS" (though apparently herself and Evans are just friends - and I'd certainly believe that!).

Still, Ulrika Jonsson is a hardened tabloid veteran at this stage and, despite the Mirror story, was in a good mood on the day, describing herself as "really happy, really chilled." Lightly tanned from a recent trip to the West Indies with her son and mother (the holiday was her birthday present to her mother who has just turned 50), she laughed constantly throughout our interview, continually cracked self-depreciating jokes and pulled faces. But then, such good-humoured behaviour can be expected from any beautiful blonde who's willing to gulp down a full pint of lager in one mouthful (as she did recently on Shooting Stars) or bare her tattooed buttocks to an entire nation (Gladiators) on national television.

I liked her. A lot.

OLAF TYARANSEN: What are you up to TV-wise at the moment?

ULRIKA JONSSON: Well, I've just finished - not for television - but we did some live shows of Shooting Stars for five weeks at Hammersmith, just down the road. There were live shows of Shooting Stars and The Fast Show. So we've just finished after doing that for five weeks and then, at the moment, I've got this wonderful Hot Press event to look forward to (laughs), and then on May 9th I've got the Eurovision Song Contest with Terry Wogan, which is a dream come true.

OT: What? Terry Wogan or the Eurovision?

UJ: Both! Ha, ha. No, I love the Eurovision. You know when you're a really little girl - well, maybe not you! - but when you're a little girl that sort of thing is really exciting. And then it just becomes (adopts loud horrified tone) - 'OH GOD, NOT THAT THING AGAIN!' - it's got such a stigma attached to it. But I think it's great, I think it's fantastic. And I've always wanted to do it ever since I was little because of the languages thing and just because of the whole event. It's live, a big challenge.

OT: Was it different doing Shooting Stars live?

UJ: Well, the live show we all prefer to do I think, because you can feed off the audience and you're creating a different atmosphere. And also we're forced to do different things, we don't just sit there recording. Obviously we have no access to show footage of things so we have to improvise sketches and do singing and dancing numbers or whatever. Actually, they all predominantly tend to make me look a fool but that's what I'm being paid to do, for that job anyway. I really, really love it.

OT: You really seem to be moving into comedy a lot more these days.

UJ: Um . . . yeah, I think . . . (pauses). Well, you always think you're funny, don't you? I mean, I'm a laugh. I mean, I like having a laugh and I think I am a laugh but . . . (pauses). It's like, even when people say "beautiful blonde", I don't take myself very seriously in that respect but I do love having a laugh, I love being naughty and I love doing unpredictable things. And to have the chance to do that professionally as well is just really such a bonus. But I've learnt so much from the years I've spent with Vic and Bob. The first year - three years ago now - I just sort of sat in awe going "Wow! How does this work?" You know, laughing because they're so funny but not really understanding how comedy works. But I've now spent so much time in those circles, with them and other comics and other people, that I've learnt so much. It's just so exciting and so inspiring.

OT: Would you ever consider doing stand-up?

UJ: Oh, Jesus Christ, no! What a tough thing! I'd never do it! Never! If I was very, very pissed maybe. I think if I was pissed I'd probably be marvellous.

OT: Can you still down a pint of beer in seven seconds?

UJ: I think I've done it in eight but that's about it. It's not a pleasure. I've come out after five weeks of being on stage with them with an horrendous beer gut (pats perfectly flat stomach). You know, it's just awful! Gives me terrible wind too!

OT: Do you party hard generally?

UJ: Not often but when I do I tend to really go for it! I don't know, I don't deliberately - I don't think "Oh, tonight I'm gonna get really pissed" or "Tonight I'm really gonna go for it." I like it best when it's unexpected and things evolve. So you're having lunch that turns into dinner that turns into breakfast, that sort of thing. And the truth is that I never really did that when I was 20 because I was working so hard. I was working early morning till teatime or whatever. Now I've sort of discovered this whole new world that was out there all the time while I was working but that I wasn't allowed to access. And I am now!

OT: What was your wake-up time for TVAM?

UJ: I used to get up at 3.30 every morning! And to do that for three-and-a-half years really fucks you up. Not psychologically - other things fuck me up psychologically. But no, it just really messes your body up. So it's really such a luxury now to be able to sleep past 7am or 7.30. I have a little son so of course I'm awake early anyway but it's nothing compared to the TVAM days.

OT: What does your son think of your career?

UJ: Well he's only three-and-a-half so I think he just takes it for granted that mummy can be on the telly or that mummy can be in a magazine. I mean, at that age, he doesn't say, "Oh, Sammy's mummy and daddy aren't on the telly!" At three-and-a-half it's no big deal to him.

OT: Do you see yourself primarily as a TV presenter?

UJ: Yeah, I guess fundamentally I do. I don't really feel that you need to have titles or whatever. I think that when you have actresses who do singing or you have singers who do a bit of acting or TV presenters who start to act or whatever - I guess you could say we're all entertainers. Maybe I shouldn't say that but . . . (pauses). I guess I do entertain people 'cos people enjoy watching the show, otherwise I presume that they wouldn't bother. So I guess in a way I'm an entertainer. But I'm not a comedienne or anything like that. I don't really feel the need for that kind of title anyway. But it's odd when it says "Occupation?" on a form. What do I put down? "Mad"? "Crazy"? I dunno!

OT: Was this all part of some great masterplan or did your career just sort of fall into place?

UJ: No, not at all! Acting was the thing I was going to go in for. And I guess at some stage I'll have a proper try at acting but the whole wonderful thing about being in the business that I'm in is that you can crossover and do all sorts of different things. But no, I always had a feeling that I'd be doing something. I never really thought about success, I never sort of thought "I'm gonna be famous!" That wasn't my goal. I just knew that I'd be doing something in entertainment, that I would die if I was doing something else. In entertainment or the arts - that was all I thought about. I never thought "Oh, I'm so ambitious, I want this, this and this."

My career is something that's happened very gradually anyway. I've been in this business for nearly eleven years now, so it's been steady, it's been really nice. It's not been like WHOOSH! (shoots hand skywards) up there from the word go. And that was the aim, to build something up gradually.

OT: Do you not find the wonderful world of television a little, eh, vacuous and empty sometimes?

UJ: Well, I sometimes think that what I do isn't a proper job and all that sort of stuff but I find that it's providing a service for some people. So I know that it's needed. Having said that, if I wasn't doing it then somebody else would be there. I don't feel that what I'm doing is groundbreaking or revolutionary or even serious. I don't pretend that it's any more important than it is. At the same time, television is tremendously important. It's important to me and it's important to those people who enjoy it and get off on it. But no, I mean you have serious musicians and actors and writers. And then you have TV presenters (laughs).

OT: You're not writing a novel in your spare time or anything then?

UJ: No. I do write though. I write an awful lot and ever since I was very young I've always written. I always find that when I'm having a bit of a "moment" with my head - I go through quite heavy times with my head - then I'm always writing, because it's the one and only thing that enables me to channel my thoughts.

OT: Do you write prose or poetry?

UJ: I used to do poetry actually. I haven't done it for ages. I wrote it when I was about 15, 16 and then I went through a spell when I was about 19, 20. It's mostly not nice stuff actually. It's heavy shit! I read over it and I think "Oh my God, that's quite frightening."

OT: Do you want to recite a sample verse for me?

UJ: No. Oh my God, no! I can't even think now. Oh, it's heavy stuff and you'd probably go "Oh my God, she really is a freak" if I told you any. You'll see it when I publish it. And I will do because some of the stuff is quite interesting. I look back at that now and wonder what was going on in my head at the time.

OT: What kind of a teenager were you?

UJ: I found being a teenager very difficult. I found being 20 very difficult. I find being 30 very difficult (laughs). No seriously, I love being 30. 30 is the best! Well, I say that now, I don't know about being 40 or 50. But being the age I am now is really good. My sister's living in my house at the moment and she's 10 years younger than me. I just look at her and think "Ah, 20". You think everything's gonna be so easy at 20, the world will be at your feet. When I was 20 I never thought I'd get married but I knew I was gonna have kids or whatever else, get a job and so on. And then shit happens! And it's like "Wow! I didn't expect that!"

OT: When you say "shit happens", I presume you mean your marriage breaking up?

UJ: Yeah. And all the rest of it. But I think that although it's not nice to learn things that way I think it's been really fantastic to be able to feel that there's so much more to me now because of the things that I've gone through. Like, I think I had an odd childhood. In fact, I probably think too much, that's my problem. I think a lot of people just sort of get on with their lives, whereas I kind of try and analyse too much. I analyse a lot of things and I'm very heavy and serious sometimes. But, at the same time, the heavy side of me is sort of counterbalanced by the very bloody hedonistic side, which is kind of like "Yeah, let's just go for it and be completely mad!"

OT: So you're quite reckless at times?

UJ: Well, "reckless" is a nasty word, it's a really strong word. But there's usually no intention in what I do, you know? If you're reckless you intend to be it, don't you? Yeah. No, I don't think I'm like that. Like, if you were to come up with something mad and say "Let's just fucking do it!" then I'd bloody do it! All right, yeah, whatever! Unfortunately I'm often game for things which aren't always the best things for me to be doing but, you know, you could die tomorrow. I mean, I've done my pension plans and all that stuff so that's all in place. But at the end of the day, you only live once - or maybe twice - and you've just got to try things. Live it! Live it as much as you can!

I mean, a few years ago I was thrown into work really heavily and bigtime and whatever else. And I really exhausted myself. I've always worked myself to illness. And I would say that as of the end of last year it was the first time that I suddenly said, "Right, you've gotta make sure that you have a break or a rest." Because physically and psychologically it's not good for you to just run yourself down. Because I'll do it, I'll do it! I'm keen and enthusiastic and just yes, yes, yes! And then suddenly everybody else is away on holiday and I'm having a nervous breakdown. It's not good.

OT: How do you find the tabloids?

UJ: In a newsagents, like everybody else. Boom! Boom!

OT: You're hilarious!

UJ: Thanks! No, sorry, I'll be serious now (smiles). No, they do their thing and I do mine. I do my thing and then they have something to write about or they create something to write about. I've very much now come to terms with it. I mean, I've always known this part of the thing and I've never hated it. It's upset me at times. They make me nervous at times. At the end of the day I know that I can't beat them, there's nothing I can do about it. They will be there! But I don't go out actively to encourage them. The thing with me is I lead my life and get on with things. I'm not ambitious enough - unfortunately - to think "Oh well, I may as well have an affair 'cos it'll get me in the papers" or whatever. I just think this is what's right for me or this is what I'm gonna do now. And so they then follow up on that. And of course I am wonderful fodder. They've really come home with me!

OT: Are you still dating Stan Collymore?

UJ: Hmmmm . . . (smiles). Why? Have you been reading The Mirror this morning? Fucking dreadful, that was! Ha! No, we're . . . we're in contact with each other but . . . I dunno. Em, I've managed to stay friends with most of the people I've seen (laughs).

OT: Do the men in your life find it difficult generally?

UJ: How do you mean?

OT: Going out with a career girl? I can't imagine it was too easy for someone like Hunter, for example.

UJ: No, completely not! Completely not! Still, I think I've made Hunter a bob or two. Oops! Oh, what a dreadful thing for me to say! (laughs). No, it's a bizarre situation.

But you learn don't you? I think it's difficult for any man to be with a woman who is successful or is doing something at a higher level in her field. It doesn't have to be what I do but obviously I have cameras on my back or in my face or whatever, so that's a different thing. That's a public thing and it's very difficult and I've yet to meet anybody who'll come to terms with that alongside me. I'd say my husband did pretty well but then I'm not married to him anymore. But he was the only one I think who could understand it and go with it. But it is very, very tough.

OT: You like them young don't you?

UJ: Ha! Well, I've worked my way up from 24 to 27, so the next guy really needs to be about 30.

OT: And an athlete?

UJ: No! I've done sportsmen. I've done that bit! I've tried. It's funny, I think because of the Hunter thing it became kind of "Oh, person with big body goes out with blonde person".

OT: Well, Hunter didn't exactly strike me as an intellectual heavyweight.

UJ: I wouldn't say so, no. But I was just looking for some fun. I'd been married for five years when I began dating him. So I wasn't looking for something serious.

OT: Are you going to continue doing Gladiators?

UJ: We're actually due to begin a seventh series. Can you believe that - seven years? There was a stage a few years ago when I thought I wasn't going to do it anymore. I felt I was above it all, I had grown up. But then I thought "I really enjoy this. I love doing it, it comes so easy. I love being there and taking part in it, so why not just do it?" So now I've gone beyond that point, now it's become kind of tradition I think, part of history. I'm making history (smiles). It's relatively harmless.

OT: Your rise to stardom has more or less coincided with the rise of Lad culture. Do you think there's any reason for that?

UJ: Funnily enough I've been having discussions about this with a number of people, about how there's also been this sort of babe culture that's come in. Now I do believe that most of them are in their 20s, whereas I'm in my 30s. So I don't know about the connection.

OT: I noticed you dropped from No 1 to No 36 in the FHM list of women their readers would 'Most Like To Sleep With' this year.

UJ: Yeah, that's very disappointing isn't it? But that's because I'm getting old (laughs). But, more interestingly, I was voted the female that most people - not just men! - would like to sit next to on the tube. Why? Because I'm a fascinating fucking conversationalist, that's why! But it was me and Ian Hislop! I didn't get that bit, to be honest. Ian Hislop!

But going back to that babe culture thing, there seems to be a lot of young beautiful pretty babe type people on the telly and around the media at the moment. And it seems to be a leading, leading thing and most of them are in bras and knickers on the covers of magazines. Now, I've done FHM, Esquire, Arena or whatever but I never did that sort of thing. I had more pride (laughs). No, I just didn't want to upset people with my body!

OT: Would you consider posing for Playboy?

UJ: I don't think so but, you know, if times were hard, I dunno. I would say that I wouldn't do it but, you know, if they're willing to put in an offer then I'll consider it. Maybe.

OT: Where do you see your career going from here? Where do you think you'll be 20 years from now?

UJ: I would love to believe that I could still be doing what I want to do, which is anything to do with this. And to have explored so many different avenues. Music is another route that I really want to go down at some stage. You know, I can sing - "AAAAAHHHHH" (sings long note). But we'll see what happens.

OT: What kind of music are you into?

UJ: I was brought up with classical music because my grandfather used to sing with the Swedish National Opera and my father was very into it as well. So I have a large collection of classical music at home, but I only call upon it once in a while. Van Morrison is with me constantly, especially when I'm having psychological problems.

OT: How often is that?

UJ: Every day! So I understand him very well (laughs). We understand each other! So I listen to him constantly. And at the moment I'm also listening to Jewel, which is really wonderful. Who else is there? You know you've got 6 CDs in the stereo in your car . . . Who do I have at the moment? Em, I've got Madness, Van and Jewel so that leaves three more. Who are they? Actually I'm just pretending to have forgotten! I really don't want you to know who the other two are! Oh, do you know who I really like? Neil Diamond. Oh, and I love The Verve. Again, my head suits that kind of thing. I listen to lots of Swedish pop music as well.

OT: Do you like The Cardigans?

UJ: I'm not mad about them. They're okay I suppose. No, I really like . . . (lists series of untranscribable names).

OT: Are you well known in Sweden?

UJ: Yeah. They write to me from there a lot - they're all very excited about the Hot Press Awards (laughs). No, they're not. They're very excited about the Eurovision Song Contest though. So that's a thrill. But I don't give a shit actually, because all the stuff they write there gets lost in translation across the fucking channel into the North Sea. They're always getting it wrong. They're just like "Ulrika is going out with Prince Andrew" or something mad.

OT: That was ages ago!

UJ: No, you're thinking of the story about me and Prince Edward. But they're so completely not on the ball that it's a worry. They're a bit Swedish (laughs). But I probably wouldn't get recognised if I went up there. I've done some TV there but it's not on a daily or weekly basis, whereas over here everyone's face is on the telly every Saturday night or every Friday night. I'm on both between Gladiators and Shooting Stars. And every day in The Mirror of course (laughs). Coming out of another party, legs around the back of me head!

OT: What was the worst story the tabloids ever ran about you?

UJ: The worst thing for me was when the fuckers turned up at my dad's funeral really, which was totally uncalled for. They pushed their way into the church and they were outside the church grounds as well, which really wasn't on. But I actually didn't care 'cos I was obviously somewhere else (taps head). But I just thought afterwards that to add to all the nervousness and tension on a day like that was just not on. Oh, and being chased in vans by freelance people who just want to find out where you're going. Or living outside my home. That's pretty bad.

OT: Have things not changed much since Diana's death?

UJ: Well, I actually found that there was a period just after that where there was suddenly so much respect for all of us, you could have run naked through the streets - which I do regularly - and nobody would be bothered. And I think something had to be learned from that but it was a tragic way to go about learning it. But I have probably 1% of what she had - exact. And what I have had at times - being chased in an unmarked van by three guys who look like they're about to beat me up - know the stress and the pressure of just doing that, so what the hell was this woman going through? You can't imagine! It's bound to send you doolally. I'm not saying that she was of course.

But I think that in time they'll all forget and it'll all change again. They've started saying all this stuff, like The Mirror or one of the other tabloids said that if they had a photograph they would phone the agent first and ask if they could use it. Like yeah, I really believe that. You see Frank Sinatra and the Queen Mother walking down the High Street, they're not gonna call Buckingham Palace and ask if they can print it, are they? Actually, that's a bit of an extreme example. But you know what I mean.

OT: Are you religious at all?

UJ: I have faith, yeah. Hmmm. It samples bits of lots of things, I think. I mean, I was christened so I am a Christian. I have a lot of time and a lot of respect for religion. I'm absolutely fascinated by it and I'm surrounded by friends who're Muslims, Jews and so on.

OT: Did you have a church wedding?

UJ: Yeah. That was more to do with tradition though, more than anything to do with the Church. So that's where it all falls down for me unfortunately. I didn't have my son christened 'cos I figured that it's up to him to make his own decision when he grows older. It just didn't feel right. I'm not a churchgoer so it would feel a little pretentious for me to maybe go and say "Oh, I so want him christened because I so believe in this particular church or that particular faith." So we kind of abandoned that idea.

But I think it's very, very important to have something. And I often find that people who practice any kind of religion, whatever one it is, have so much more strength. They've always something that they can fall back on. I've at times felt that I haven't had that, which is why I'm trying to find what it is that I want to believe in or I want to be part of. It was like when my father died - what was there for me then? I just didn't quite know what to do. I busied myself organising the funeral but, beyond that, there was nothing. There were no wise words, there was no comfort, there was no kind of anything. Whereas my friend, who's Jewish, took me through what would happen had I been Jewish and I just thought it would have been wonderful to have had that. I dunno, there's something there though. I just have to work out what it is.

OT: How did you vote in the last election?

UJ: I wasn't allowed to vote because I'm Swedish. (sings): "I'm an illegal alien". But weirdly enough I did vote in the election before that. Can I go to prison for that? But if I could have voted I would have voted Labour. And I thought there was gonna be such a major change after Tony came in but I have to say it's all been reasonably positive so far. In all honesty, I don't think anyone could have voted for the Tories - except for the people who did of course! (laughs).

OT: Can you still type 130 words per minute?

UJ: Yeah. Actually, no. My shorthand was 130wpm. I can't actually remember what my typing was but it was fast. Well, one should keep it up, just in case, shouldn't one? You really should keep it up just in case. You never know when you're going to have to fall back on it. That's why I did it to be honest. I did a secretarial course because I was gonna go into acting and I knew that I would possibly be spending 99% of my time out of work. And I'm not proud - I'll type, I'll take in ironing. Oh shit! I'm gonna wind up eating my words now, aren't I? Two years time, when I'm a bag lady . . . (laughs).

OT: Is there much jealousy and backbiting in television?

UJ: I think where there's ambition and certainly where there's limelight, so to speak, there's a tremendous amount of bitching and jealousy, yeah. Actually, I'm fascinated by the gossip because I hear gossip going around about people and I never believe it. So I'm wondering what the hell's going around about me? It must be amazing. Cos I'm always hearing so-and-so's gay, so-and-so's this, so-and-so snogged whoever, and I think "Wow, it's so exciting." Cos I don't have an office to go to, so if someone comes and tells me something I go "Wow!" but I never believe it. Maybe because I wouldn't like them to believe whatever they're hearing about me. But we'll make some gossip in Belfast (laughs).

OT: Are you looking forward to the Hot Press Awards?

UJ: Yeah! Bigtime! I was so ill last year. I was coming down with the flu and I was really terribly unwell. But I obviously still did a better job than Mike Edgar (laughs). But I just loved it, I loved the atmosphere.

OT: I heard you had a thing for Larry Mullen.

UJ: I did, yeah. Is he coming? Great! He was kinda cute. A bit short though, he was wearing these really big shoes (laughs). No, I'm really looking forward to it. We said last year when we said goodbye, "Oh, we'll do it again next year" and I just thought yeah, it'll never happen. Cos everybody always says that. And then I kept bumping into people from Belfast saying "Are you gonna come over again?" And I said "Yeah, I'd really love to." And then I got officially asked and of course I said yes. The thing is, if they'd been really smart they wouldn't have offered to pay me 'cos I'd have done it for nothing. No problem!