Beasties of burden

Ah, the slings and arrows of outrageous hip hop fortune! One minute you’re celebrating your Hello Nasty album selling its tenth million copy, the next you’re being chased by creditors because the label you’ve set up with the proceeds has gone bankrupt. Such is the lot of the Beastie Boys and their Grand Royal empire which, having crumbled, is now being sold off in small chunks at www.bid4assets.com/auction/index.cfm?auctionID=103754&ba=dueDiligence#tabRow
Unfortunately for Mike D, Ad Rock and MCA, the number of people who want to buy 51 lime green Luscious Jackson tanks tops (assorted sizes); 267 cassette copies of the eponymous Moistboyz album; and Buffalo Daughter’s record contract is severely limited.
“Right now, we just want to dispose of the assets,” says the court-appointed trustee. “It’s costing us a fortune. We’ve been paying storage fees on t-shirts and CDs for almost two years.”
There not being much sand in Brooklyn, the Beasties have burried their heads in the recording studio with a new album expected during the summer. One imagines that this time the royalties they accrue from it will go into a nice safe pension fund.
Having regaled you in recent months with portable bidets, sucky beds and nun-shaped dildos, we thought it was high time that Caught In The Net upped its cutesy content. So, without further ado, let us introduce you to the lickle orphan bats that can be found residing at www.athertablelands.com/bats/body.html
Unlike their drug addict koala bear compatriots, they haven’t fallen out of trees because they’re stoned on eucalyptus leaves but – sniff! – have been left behind in the yearly bat migration.
Worrying rather than cute are the Star Trek weddings on offer at www.lasvegas.com/wedding_chapel/hilton_star_trek_wedding_chapel.htm
After saying “I do” – or zlaa-florg in Klingon – on the U.S.S. Enterprise bridge, you can retire to Quark’s Bar for a mug of Romulan Ale and…sorry, we shouldn’t be encouraging this sort of extended adolescent behaviour.
Which just leaves time for quick visits to www.jetsetmodern.com/cars.htm (futuristic prototype cars); www.goldenvoice.com/coachella (The Pixies really are reforming); http://www.retecool.com/sukkel (Ouch!)