The Lunatics Have Taken Over

Honestly, you couldn’t make it up. You really couldn’t. Some months ago John Gormley described Government as an asylum. We hadn’t taken it literally, but over the past seven days, as one bombshell followed another we thought again, did we not?

Every parliament has its edges and democracy wouldn’t be representative if it didn’t feature a bit of roughhouse now and then, a bit of verbal violence, barbed exchanges and alpha brawling. Fair enough. But this is something else. Big Brother ended last year. Not to worry, we’ve got Leinster House.
And so we all looked on... aghast...
People with friends, relations and colleagues around the world knew something was up after Brian Cowen took Leader’s Questions. He was, observers said, in ebullient form, getting in crunching tackles and scoring points at will, cracking jokes and ribs with equal abandon, a bruiser in full flight, a fighter, he said himself, ready for the fray.
The e-mails and texts reflected something else. One German friend reported that it was headlined on German TV. It had gone viral. It probably felt like great gas to those closest to the action, a return to traditional political cut and thrust. But to the proverbial man from Mars, not to mention citizens and bankers of the world, it looked like mayhem. What’s going on?
Look, spare a thought for Cowen. Fianna Fáil were losing the last election until he turned it on. Grandstanding, barnstorming, call it what you will. He pulled it out of the fire for them, snatched victory from the jaws of defeat, won a third term for Bertie Ahern.
His reward? To inherit the mantle just as the plug was pulled, with each and every step on the stairs crumbling just as he stepped on them. The irony! Had he not played such a blinder four years ago, it would now be he who, having had three years to revitalise Fianna Fáil, would be pummelling a ragged and shell-shocked coalition on the ropes…
Tough business. Sometimes even your victories return to haunt you…
As last week – he had just faced down his internal opponents when another victory turned to dust. The bizarre story of the reshuffle-that-wasn’t led in the end, as such things must, to his resignation as leader of Fianna Fáil.
From hero to zero, just like that, he’s toast and we’re at a hinge of history. Not quite up shit creek without a paddle, because frankly we’ve been up shit creek for quite a while now, in a place where nothing will be the same afterwards. But with the Greens joining in the bawling, and the brawling, right now no one knows when the next birthday party is going to be.
Many will fixate on the constitutional peculiarities we now face – the Taoiseach, if he is still Taoiseach at the end of the week, not being leader of the senior party in Government – but this is not the first time it’s happened. John A Costello wasn’t leader of Fine Gael – indeed, he had never served as a Minister – when he became Taoiseach in 1948.
So that’s not an issue and nobody should get too hung up on it. This is but a small stopping point on a longer journey. No, the big issue will be the election and the shape of the new Dáil.
Weirdly, some people seem to think that Fine Gael and Labour should set out their agreed programme in advance – even historian Diarmuid Feiritéar was heard espousing this view – as though the election will be a contest between two potential coalitions, one headed by Fine Gael, the other by Fianna Fáil, rather than an open contest between many parties and diverse views.
Hopefully, the coming election will be a contest of ideas, values, plans and policies and not a beauty or celebrity contest. We’ve had enough X-Factor politics to do us for a lifetime, thanks very much.
In fact, there may be two big battles – between Fine Gael and Labour (to lead the next Government) and between Fianna Fáil and Sinn Féin for what they split over in 1926.
We’ve no idea what’s going to happen. Betting odds have Fine Gael as the biggest party, with maybe 60+ seats, Labour second on 40+ and Fianna Fáil and Sinn Féin fighting it out for third place.
Bejapers, Fine Gael and a much-reduced Fianna Fáil could form a Government! Sure, Fine Gael grandees might argue that Fianna Fáil need to be isolated for a while. But if it were just a matter of compatible world-views, this would be a shoo-in. And so on.
Who knows? And until we know, parties would be better advised to decide what they stand for and want to achieve, and then to stick to their last, at least till a programme for Government is being negotiated.
Neither electors nor historians need worry about parties agreeing a viable programme. They will… once it’s been established how they measure up in the one poll that really matters.