The Empire Strikes Back

Bringing the wild Irishry to heel at last. Will Martin and McDowell succeed where penal laws failed.

As one correspondent wrote to The Irish Times last week, there are outbreaks of rebellion around the country. Not against corruption, not against the dreadful mess that is our health service and not against injustice, or racism, or the fact that under this Government, Ireland is the second most unequal society in the first world.
No, the rebellion was against the still-new law on smoking in the workplace in particular and, I suspect, against the nanny state in general. The epicentre of this short uprising was Eyre Square in Galway and its spearhead was Fibber Magee’s pub.
At one point there was talk of buses being organised around the country to come to Galway to support the rebels, and of course to have a smoke with a pint like in the old days. This would have been a tribal gathering, a hosting like in the old days of Gaelic Ireland when the wild Irishry gathered to make war.
And you know, though I’m not a smoker, it’s hard not to sympathise. All the rough, interesting bits we have are being regulated out and all we’re getting in return is a fucking halo. I’d rather be interesting, thanks.
A friend of mine canvassed in working class west Dublin before the recent local elections. She says that one of the key messages that came back from the voters was ‘there’s too many laws and too little order’.
And you know? It’s hard to argue.
Not since the dark days of the penal laws have we been so engulfed in draconian regulation and control by national Government and local authorities. And to what effect? Are we better? Are we happier? Are our streets even safer?
No, no and no, in that order.
Fifty years ago, even twenty years ago, we had social cohesion in this country. We didn’t have so many laws, but we knew what was what. Things worked. We knew you didn’t piss in the streets and that if you had to, well… you found somewhere quiet where, if possible, you didn’t offend anyone.
So what’s with 2004?
Is it that, with all the riches and all the education we have, we’ve become more savage and primitive and anarchic than we were? Is it that we’ve lost religion? Is it that the very boredom of our lives means that we have to kick over the bottle whenever we can? Or is it a reaction to the increased regulation of our lives?
And isn’t it ironic that a Government that embraces deregulation in business instigates such high levels of regulation of personal freedoms? Is there some kind of inverse relationship here?
And there’s another irony. Nanny state authoritarianism is normally a feature of left-wing Governments and social democratic systems. This is especially true of regulation in the area of public health policies. Sweden is a good example. But here we have a right-of-centre Government whose ideology is set by a small right wing party that believes in… freedom and choice!
Oizzo no. The pendulum has swung way too far towards control. You can’t look crooked but you’re breaking someone’s law. And in the course of all this regulation, the Irish are losing their Irishness. Over-regulation has become a way of life.
And if you want to get some idea of the scale of this and of the priorities, the Department of Health brought in over three hundred inspectors to enforce the workplace smoking ban. Imported from all over, apparently. Sort of like clampers.
Think of the salaries. Then think of the trolley you’ll be lying on if you have to go to an A&E ward. Or the shortage of nurses or… well, you know what I mean.
It’s all for the grand gesture. The politicians have seen how well Noel Dempsey has been remembered for the plastic bag ban and they’re all gung-ho to replicate. Except, of course, you can’t replicate that because it was a once off. Meanwhile, nothing works in health or justice. And they blame us.
The ruling junta have adopted the view held by twenty generations of colonial rulers, that the Irish can’t be allowed any freedom. We need to be kept in check or we’ll turn into animals right there before your eyes.
And also, of course, as I have said before, when it comes to public health, the altar boys are in control. They’re after halos themselves and bejapers, they’ll get halos for us too. They have been smugging and smarming ever since the workplace smoking ban came into effect.
Well, look what de-regulation did for our economy. De-regulation might do wonders for our society too, much as M&M, the head nurses of the nanny state, mightn’t like to hear it.
But for now, if I may quote the great Louis Jordan, I propose to drink to everyone’s health till I ruin my own and to hell with the altar boy begrudgers.