Michael Hawkes: "The Catholic Church were not the only ones lying – they were helped by the Irish state"

It was supposed to be the California dream. Unplanned twins, born to an unmarried mother in the repressed Ireland of the late 1950s, were handpicked for adoption by one of the most powerful Catholic clergymen in America and given to his older brother to raise.

Monsignor Benjamin Hawkes was seen as the go-to priest for the stars. In fact he was a bit of a star himself: Robert De Niro’s character in the film True Confessions was modelled on him.

But instead of finding sunshine, surfing and the so-called American dream, that young boy from Dublin, named Michael Hawkes, ended up living the ultimate American nightmare.

His biological mother, who lived on Synge Street, close to the notorious Christian Brothers school and just around the corner from the Olympic Ballroom, where she met the married musician she fell for, decided to give up the twins for fear of being denounced from the pulpit.

Bizarrely, it was Monsignor Hawkes’ who would ultimately be denounced. Several altar boys came forward after his death to report him as a sex predator. Subsequently, his diocese in LA was forced to pay several million dollars to his victims. And in total, the Los Angeles Archdiocese has had to fork out a staggering $1.5billion in compensation, according to a recent report in the LA Times. Michael Hawkes was himself abused by his adoptive uncle. He is now suing the LA diocese – and has hired John Manly, the top lawyer who famously represented victims abused in the major US swim coach scandal.

Mike, who has worked as a graphic artist and a copywriter, is now finally prepared to tell his story. He was, as he puts it, a human trafficking victim, groomed by his depraved uncle. “You know, outside of talking to you, Jason, I haven’t talked a lot about it at all,” he said when we met in LA – with follow-up meetings taking place in Luton and Dublin for a documentary I’m making on him.

This is Irish-American Mike Hawkes’ first major interview.

Jason O’Toole: How did your adoption come about?

My adoption started in Armagh, when a Catholic cardinal came up to celebrate a mass with Archbishop McQuaid. Eamon de Valera was going to be at that mass. At that point in time, Cardinal McIntyre of Los Angeles’ secretary was Monsignor Benjamin Hawkes. Hawkes’ brother wanted to adopt a child. So, Monsignor Hawkes made an enquiry at the mass about the possibility of adopting a child out of Ireland. Initially, my adoptive parents would have liked to adopt one boy. Hawkes looked for one boy, but what was presented to him was a twin boy – me – and a girl. Monsignor Hawkes made all the arrangements, and we were flown out of Ireland after a lot of letters went back and forth, to get his grace, Archbishop McQuaid, to sign-off on it.

Your adoptive parents never met you until you arrived in America. Do you think Hawkes purposely wanted to get you adopted by his brother in order to groom you?

He absolutely had the idea that he wanted a little boy so that he could groom him. I’m not sure that his older brother knew of his proclivities or not. But, nevertheless, I was ushered into this Hawkes’ life.

So, you’re convinced that Monsignor Hawkes pushed the adoption on his brother so he could groom you?

Yeah, yes, I am.

Monsignor Hawkes is a known paedophile, and there have been credible accusations that Archbishop McQuaid was too. Do you think McQuaid knew Hawkes planned to groom you?

They were, I believe, both paedophiles. The bottom line is that McQuaid was in the same line of business as Hawkes. So, yeah, absolutely, I believe that.

Did money change hands?

I believe it did. I do believe that the Catholic Church as a whole – including McQuaid – was taking money and donations from the people who adopted the child, and also from the people that, unfortunately, had to adopt their children out. I mean, it was literally a mafioso ring. It was nothing different than trafficking kids out of countries. They all profited from child trafficking in Ireland. So the Catholic Church was engaged in Mafia-style criminal acts. Their history of criminal behaviour is disgusting – and a disgrace. Dev’s son, who was a doctor, was also involved in those adoptions.

I’d like to know exactly what involvement de Valera and his son had in the transportation of the children across the seas for money. At the time, the Church did not like to hand over more than one child for adoption to families who already had more than one child.

I found it interesting in the letters that I sent you, that because my adoptive parents had two children already, they could only adopt one more. So it was on the advisement of Monsignor Hawkes, my to-be uncle, to not refer to me and my sister as Michael and Maureen, but as Mary and Joseph. So, in other words, Jason, they were lying to each other, even within the faith. And they said they wouldn’t give two children to a family, but they did.

You grew up in Saratoga, California, south of San Francisco. Did your adoptive parents treat you okay?

Well, they abused us verbally. And we were told many times: “Frankly, we wish we had never adopted you. You should be happy to have a roof over your head and food on the table. You’re not going to amount to much. You should be happy that you were pulled out of this situation in Ireland where it was just a decrepit life.” I was supposed to have a fabulous life in California, of sunshine and excitement. And it was not that. It was me living in a dark cubicle in my room and having nightmares.

What was your response?

I wanted to get out of the house. So the only way for me to get out of the house was to go to Los Angeles to stay at my uncle’s church called St. Basil’s. But the bottom line is, I wanted to get out of the house because I couldn’t stand the verbal situation that I was in with my parents. But I soon discovered that there was the paedophile that I had to deal with in Los Angeles.

When did your uncle first sexually abuse you?

He didn’t start until I was about 11 years of age.

Can you talk about the first time?

I was sitting on a chair at my parents’ house, and I found it extremely odd when all of a sudden my uncle, the Monsignor, pulled what was called a “wet willy” – which was wetting his finger and sticking it in your ear! As an 11-year-old, I found that a very strange thing for any elder man do to a child. I just couldn’t believe it.

What happened next?

When I started as an altar boy at 12, I was in the sacristy of the church for a 10am mass on a Sunday, and there were other altar boys with me. And Monsignor Hawkes, before he put on his robe, and before we had our cassocks on, he came over to us, pushed us up against a wall, undid our pants and grabbed our privates. He literally just grabbed us, and then he said, “Put your hands towards heaven, point your hands towards heaven” – meaning, you know, looking proper, if you will – in front of the people. “Let’s make this look right.”Before you walked out in front of churchgoers, this priest had the audacity to assault altar boys!

It was mind-boggling. For some reason it was a sexual arousal for him. I have no clue why.

Did he masturbate the altar boys in the rectory?

What he did with the altar boys, including myself, was he grabbed these 11-year-old boys’ genitals. He grabbed mine and this other boy next to me, and he may have masturbated us, but he wasn’t going to get much out of an 11-year-old boy, if you understand what I’m saying. He was grabbing a hold of us. And, you know, a young man’s not going to know what to do.

He’s not going to know what the hell is going on. And then that happened on a continual basis, whenever I had to go down to Los Angeles. And then he assaulted me when I was sitting on a couch in his office. And he said to me, “Go get ready. We’re going to go to dinner. Go take a shower and use my shower.” And when I got out of the shower, and I was drying myself off, I turned around, and he was standing there in his underpants.

What happened?

He walked up to me, and I had absolutely no idea what the hell was going on. And he grabbed me like a bear hug and put his hands on my buttocks and then dragged me over and threw me on the bed. And I just remember looking up at him thinking, “This is not my uncle. This is a monster!”

What did he do to you?

Well, I’m going to be honest. I don’t remember. I’ve had some counselling and the explanation given to me was that it was PTSD. He just threw me on the bed, and I can tell you I don’t know what happened to me next.

Do you think he penetrated you?

I don’t know, but I think so. I’m sure he did. I don’t remember. You know, Jason, I don’t remember the moment after. I don’t remember the day after or the day after that. It was that traumatising. I would have woken up sore. I would have probably had to tell my parents that I was sore. The monster became the monster at that point in time.

Michael Hawkes with his adoptive father, William Hawkes

What was your adoptive parents’ reaction?

Jason, I never told them. I’ll tell you why. There was another occasion later in life when, in the same apartment, Hawkes said to me, “Go take a shower. We’re going to go to dinner.” Exact same scenario. I was probably 16 at that time, maybe 17. I looked at him and I said, “No, I don’t think so. I’ve already showered. I’m clean. I’m fine.” He turned around in his chair, and I’ll never forget him looking at me, and he said, “If you ever tell anybody, you’re out. I will make your life miserable.” I just said, “I’m not talking about it.” He was very good at instilling fear.

Had your adoptive parents any suspicions?

If they did, in my head, that’s even worse, right? Because quite frankly, if they guessed correctly, then why would a parent of an adopted child send that child to LA to a monster? Why would they do that? It made no sense to me that my parents would have done that. They worshipped him. But they were afraid of him. He ran their life as much as he ran my life.

Did he attempt to abuse you again after you put your foot down?

He said, “Hey, we’re putting together a trip to Hawaii.” And I said, “Okay, great.” He goes, “Why don’t you join us?” I was in college, my first year of college. He says, “Do you have any roommates?” And I said, “Well, I do have a roommate.” And he said, “Why don’t you invite that roommate?” He knew Conrad Hilton, and he would stay at Conrad Hilton’s beach house there in Hawaii. And we would stay at a bungalow on the beach, of the hotel. He came to wake us up one morning and he was rustling us out of bed. And my roommate came to me later and he said, “Mike, is your uncle okay?” And I said, “What happened? What’s going on?” He goes, “Well, when he was trying to wake me up, he was grabbing my testicles!” And you know, this boy was 18. I said, “Oh, I do know that this man has some issues. I apologise.” He goes, “It was the strangest thing. He just grabbed at me. And so I ran out of the bed, into the bathroom.”

How long did it take you to come to terms with the abuse?

I didn’t deal with this until I was probably 40 years of age, in all honesty. Well, I dealt with it by having it suppressed in my mind. Then I was married, and I told my wife what happened. And she was my first confidante on the whole damn thing. And I just thought, I want to get through this. And I tried to go find a place quietly in my mind to go meditate, just to relax and think about it. Because it was a horrible life. It wasn’t just the physical and sexual abuse by this man, who I used to call my uncle. It was also the physical and verbal abuse and mental abuse by his brother and his sister-in-law, too. Meaning, wherever I turned… I don’t know how I came out of it. The bottom line is, there were difficulties in my head whenever you think about being intimate and the hell you go through.

It must’ve been very hard on your wife.

Yes. I think it’s been hard on her. But at the same time, she’s been a soldier in the fight. She’s frankly just not been a very happy camper at all, with Monsignor Hawkes, or my parents. So she got into the fight about the whole mess of why people are allowed to continue in this and are not exposed. They should be exposed.

Michael Hawkes on his wedding day, with wife Susan

Did it ever make you suicidal?

I think there were many, many things that were going on in my youth that made me wonder what “worth” I had. And at one point in time, maybe I didn’t think much of my life at all. I didn’t think I had much going on, to be honest with you. I really didn’t. And I didn’t have any value. I’m not sure that I was suicidal, but there was a lot of depression as a kid. A lot of depression.

What’s your view of how the Irish state acted in all this?

Can I tell you a story: and I’ll tell you exactly why I feel that way. So, we – my wife and I – finally started tracking where I came from, who gave me up, who were my natural born parents. We called in to see a particular nun in Dublin at the orphanage. It was my first time back to Ireland. At this stage, we knew about my mother, but we didn’t know anything about my father. Well, we sat there with her, and she wouldn’t tell us a thing, not a thing.

Did you manage to get anything?

We said to her, “Well, tell us my father’s name.” And she says, “We don’t know his name.” And I said, “You don’t know my father’s name?” Susan then said, “Well, wait a minute, if you don’t know his name, then it was an illegal adoption!” And she said, “No, we have his signature right here.” She pulls that piece of paper out of the folder, and there it says Patrick Ryan. In other words, one minute they’re lying, the next minute they have his signature. That tells me that, throughout the whole process, the Catholic Church was lying. And the Catholic Church were not the only ones lying – they were helped by the Irish state.

Your dad, it turned out, was in a showband, which is how he met your mother?

He was with the band the Olympic Orchestra, at the Olympic Club (That’s the Olympic Ballroom – Ed)

And why did they not stay together?

He was, unfortunately, married back in England. He was living two lives. My biological mother went over to England to hide the pregnancy. She took the ferry over there, stayed for a bit in London, then came back.

What happened next?

Unfortunately, she dropped the babies – my sister and I – off to the Catholic Rescue Society Red Door on Anne Street. My biological father was on the boat with her back to Ireland to help her with the pram and whatever else she may have needed. She didn’t want to see anybody, but she ran into her first cousin’s husband, a very lovely man, and he was shocked to see her with two babies. And he said, “Let me help you, Betty.” When that happened, Patrick, my father, backed off into the shadows of the boat, and when they got off the boat, he just kept going. Betty looked around for him, but he more or less disappeared into the morning. And that was the last time she saw him.

Michael Hawkes' passport

Sadly, you never met your biological parents.

I did not ever meet them, but I did trace them. I know who they were. I visit my mother’s grave whenever I’m in Dublin.

What about other possible siblings?

Yeah, I met a brother. He’s 17 years older than I am. He now knows the full story of my circumstances, and my circumstances with his father. He has been an absolute jewel of an individual, a kind man, just a wonderful, wonderful man.

It doesn’t sound like you were the first boy Monsignor Hawkes trafficked into the US.

He also brought in two boys and their family from Guatemala. He found them a house in LA by the church, and he said to the family, “You can have this house and we’re going to rent it for you. The only thing is, these boys have to work at my church, St. Basil’s, for me on the weekends, and they will stay at St. Basil’s.” So you see what he did? He set up those two boys. They were the two boys that I remember being assaulted with.

Did he ever drug you or the other altar boys?

I can’t confirm that he was giving them drugs, but he was giving them money. He gave money to these two altar boys from Guatemala. I was getting clothes from him when I came down from Los Angeles. What he did was in the grooming process, he bought you things. That was common with groomers, they buy you shiny toys. And he impressed himself upon you and saying, “You know, I’m going to be your father, I’m gonna take care of you.”

Did he ever hit you?

There was an occasion at this hotel that he grabbed me by the collar of my shirt because I ordered some hamburgers or whatever, some extra food, and he said, “I take care of you and you abused the situation. You abused my trust.” And I just look at that story with a little more interest. Meaning – I abused his trust because we ordered some hamburgers and drinks or whatever for the room service! And he, for years, abused my trust! Does that make sense to you? I mean, that’s just a crazy statement to say, “You abused my trust.”

How many boys do you think he assaulted?

I’ve often wondered about that. I know that there were allegations made against him by other boys in Los Angeles that are now 70-year-old men. I’m going to throw out a number of between 10-15.

A couple of them have successfully sued the diocese with over a billion being paid out, according to newspaper reports.

Well, I don’t know how much they received, but I know that the two boys that did sue the archdiocese that I stood next to, those two boys did receive well over a million.

Nothing could repay you in any way for what happened.

No, no, no, no. The bottom line is to clarify what hell the Catholic Church put people through. No money would compensate for what these evil people did for someone’s first 15 or 20 years of life.

How long is this going to drag out?

I don’t know, maybe a couple more years. I’ve John Manly representing me, who is described as the USA’s pre-eminent attorney for representing victims of sexual abuse and assault. He’s been a good friend. And he’s been very helpful. But he’s also been through these things. He’s chased paedophiles all over the place, including the swimming matter – and even a priest in Ireland.

Michael Hawkes with lawyer John Manly

Have you considered taking legal against the Irish state?

We were told that if we did go after them, that they would, in all actuality, countersue us and then we would have to pay their court costs.

Are you looking for an apology from the Irish government – or the state?

Yes. Not only would I like that, I’d like them to acknowledge what they were doing. It was human trafficking – that’s supposed to be illegal in every country.

Do you forgive your uncle?

I can’t forgive what he did. I cannot forgive what an abuser did to a child because an abuser takes complete advantage of a child for his own will, for his own desires. He screwed up a lot of lives in Los Angeles.

Your uncle had been described in LA newspapers as the most powerful clergy in the city.

He was an extremely important individual in LA. He ran the purse strings of the largest archdiocese in the United States. So, he was very powerful in Los Angeles. And of course, the Robert De Niro film would have inflated his ego. He told a story of how Robert De Niro came to the church to listen to him preach. And it just makes me sick how De Niro imitated his motions and his voice. Towards the end of his life, Hawkes was still pulling the purse-strings, but they took the power away from him. I actually think the higher-ups were starting to get very suspicious of my uncle.

You think he had an inflated sense of his own importance.

He led a life of grandeur and hype. I’ll never forget this story. He was going to sell some property to Chinese investors, who wanted to buy land in LA. And I remember he came to the house and he had on a gold watch. And my father said to him, “That’s a very nice watch.” And he said, “Yes, it was given to me by the Chinese folks I met with to buy property in LA.” And they had rented out the top of Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas, where the meeting was. And everybody was so impressed by the watch. I wasn’t. I mean, from my understanding, one of the things that a priest is supposed to do is take a vow of poverty. And if he’s supposed to take a vow of poverty, well, then he’s supposed to live that life, right? But he wasn’t gonna live that life.

How did you feel when your uncle held your first-born child?

Creepy. That’s the right word to use. Creepy, yeah. Absolutely creepy. Here he is holding a second generation child, after manipulating the father of that child.

In your memoir, Isle Of Hope, you say that you believe your uncle decided to stop abusing you because he only liked children under a certain age.

I’m just going to be very blunt with you: when I met with a counsellor she said, “There are [perverted] individuals in life, like your uncle, who don’t like boys that have pubic hair, or very little pubic hair, but they wanted to groom them later in life to be able to fully abuse them.” And so then it all began.

Was writing the book therapeutic?

Yes. I’ve read this somewhere, that when someone offends you you’re supposed to write them a letter telling them exactly what they did and how they hurt you – and then you’re supposed to throw the letter away, not even send it to them. I said, “screw that!” and published the book.

What would you say to him if he were still alive?

I would say to him, you attempted to ruin my life. You ruined other boys’ lives. There will be an accounting for you somewhere, some place. But the bottom line is, I was better than you and I got ahead of you. I beat you more or less.

Does it haunt you still?

I think about it. I think about how I was not raised in a normal society with loving parents. Let me come back just to my parents for a second. When we would go visit them, my wife and I, with our children – their grandchildren – they never sat next to them to take a picture. They would never play with them. They didn’t interact with them. And they didn’t care much for them. So it’s very strange to me that I didn’t have that, because I do see other friends of ours that have grandparents that love their grandchildren. Well, he [Hawkes] was the same damn way. And so yeah, that does haunt me, it does, yes.

Do you believe in an eye for an eye?

No, I don’t see the value in it, Jason. I just don’t. I’ll let a higher power deal with whatever’s gonna happen to him and whatever’s gonna happen to them. Oh yeah, it ruined my life. I have picked up the shattered pieces of my life and tried to move forward by building myself up to the person I’d like to be and the person that my wife would like me to be and my children would like me to be. But that’s a lifetime of work. It’s hell.

But you’re doing okay.

Well, I have four children, a good wife, and the bottom line is I have a new life. And he’s not around, he has died. His brother died. His sister-in-law died. I’ve just tried to move on with my own life, away from that whole crowd.

Michael Hawkes with his wife Susan

So what’s your future plans?

Well, my next step is to maintain a relationship with my brother. And my next goal is, frankly, to expose people that cover up paedophilia – and that doesn’t matter if it’s in the church or what organisation. My goal is to speak out against paedophilia, in whatever case that is. Because frankly, honestly, it’s hell. It’s a hellish way to live your life as a victim.

• Michael Hawkes’ memoir Isle Of Hope is available to buy now on Amazon. See also isleofhopeireland.com