Zero for Conduct

Remember that band you were in when you were 14? Hand me down guitars, bleeding fingers from steel strings, squawking high notes, gaffer tape holding snare skins together, the struggle to make it from G to A minor… Well, Jetplane Landing are that band.

Their debut album was recorded in a garage, virtually everything is out of tune and/or time and they have a really stupid name. To cap it off, they sound like a dodgy version of The Revs (or an even dodgier version of The Revs, depending on your persuasion).

It couldn’t get much worse if it tried. Track number three, ‘Underground Queen’, clunks into motion with one of the worst guitar solos I’ve heard in my life (at precisely 1 minute 3 seconds duration) and the vocals are decorated with that mystery Irish/American accent that only emerges when a microphone is produced.

Zero For Conduct is the epitome of weak, loose, clangy, watery rock music, devoid of substance, melody and kick drums. Not only does it suck, but it doesn’t even swallow.