Fat Chance

Call him Biscuit Boy, call him Crackerman, call him that bloke who sang about Jennifer and Alison, but there’s no mistaking the acerbic wit and wisdom of former Housemartin and Beautiful South mainman, Paul Heaton. Two lines into album opener ’10 Lessons In Love’ and his trademark acidity is already in evidence (“You keep ‘em busy talking/ And they probably won’t notice your weight”), as he provides a 10-step guide to a one-night stand.

With Heaton aided and abetted by two of Joe Strummer’s Mescaleros, Martin Slattery and Scott Shields, Fat Chance could almost be a new Beautiful South album. And just like a BS collection, there are moments of true songwriting greatness, like the opener, where Heaton gets to display his garage gospel talents to the full.

Also notable is ‘The Perfect Couple’, which chronicles a relationship by the songs that they listened to: “When the King sang ‘Always On My Mind’/ It was mine that was always on you”.

I can never make up my mind whether Heaton is a frighteningly astute narrator of 20th/21st century social woes (‘Last Day Blues’) or a crude and bitter man, who revels in the miseries of his fellow humans from his gin-soaked vantage point (‘Man, Girl, Boy, Woman’). But there is no denying the sheer humanity poking through songs like ‘Barstool’ where he and his partner decide to “bring our bruised bodies together and start loving like ordinary fools”. Or ‘The Real Blues’ where he takes potshots at the soul-less shysters peddling second-rate love songs on a radio station near you.

He’s not always on the money, however, and Fat Chance’s lowlights include the twee’ Mitch’, the Heaton-by-numbers of ‘Man’s World’ and the religion-bashing ‘If’. For the most part, though, Ol’ Red Eyes again proves his mettle as one of Britain’s greatest songwriters, with at least three bona fide Heaton classics.