110 Voices:Cian Donohue- On His Own Anxiety And Methods For Dealing With It: #NowWereTalking

I suffer with anxiety, which affects me on a daily basis, but not in ways that would be obvious to others. At my 9-5, I work as a trainer in a tech company, so I am up in front of people all day delivering sessions and being as positive a person, and then the rest of the time I am a musician.

Both roles involve me putting myself in situations where everything I do and every move I make is under intense scrutiny. You’d probably think for someone that suffers with anxiety these are not ideal situations to be in. But I am determined not to let it beat me.

It has most noticeably affected me playing live with Heroes, as getting on stage is a massive ordeal for me. My entire body goes into a state of total fear where muscle function is affected and even my stomach is torturing and threatening me with throwing up.

I have played a vast amount of gigs where I have just wanted to get up mid-song and run. Of course, I have never done that, but I struggle to enjoy playing in front of people.

I sometimes video our performances live with my phone, so I can watch them back and retrospectively enjoy the good moments. Why do I do it, is, I’m sure, what anyone reading this is thinking. Well, for a couple of reasons. I love music, I love creating music and being involved in music has been by far the greatest thing I’ve done in my life and has been hugely therapeutic for me when live performance is not involved.

The band is a family to me now: we’ve been playing together 13 years and I love that aspect of it as well. I also do it because I will not let this thing in my head control me and I will not let it dictate my life.

100 Voices was published in the Hot Press Mental Health Special in conjunction with Lyons Tea and Pieta House as part of the Now We're Talking Campaign. For more please visit hotpress.com/now-were-talking/