100 Voices: Sebastian Barry - on His Story and Finding Your Own Balance #NowWereTalking

In '99, I was at the end of an American book tour. It was a terrible year where my poor brother, who was 13 years younger, had become mentally unwell and had to be briefly sectioned. And Donal McCann died. It was one of those years and I didn't deal with it very well. A book tour is very weakening in every way. I really had a meltdown in San Francisco.

I suppose I - because we're all so ashamed of these conditions - should've rung somebody and said, "Will you come and get me?"Or, "Can I book in somewhere?" But I didn't: I struggled on. I wasn't sleeping. And that level of suffering, no one can tell you unless you've had it yourself.

You can't describe it. It's as if somebody has poured acid into your brain and melted it. All the resources that you used to have, tiny little things like coffee in the morning, nothing works - there's no taste in your mouth. I had that for about seven months.

I did try Prozac for a couple of weeks. I stopped because I started to feel a bit high. I don't really drink, so that was bizarre. I didn't feel very sober, strangely enough. I rang Ivor Browne. He once gloried in the title of chief psychiatrist of Ireland, which I think is wonderful and amusing. And I said, "I'm not functioning at the minute anyway, but this is even worse".

I was in great distress. He was very concerned. I just wanted to be able to do something; for instance, like go walking with the babies, or whatever you're supposed to be doing with the children. And he said, "You work out a lot of your stuff in your work. Come off that Prozac and do the running intensively. And see where that gets you. And see if you can get back to work. And maybe that's your balance again". So, that did work for me. Different things work for different people.

Ivor said when somebody's in crisis it's very important sometimes to make interventions that are highly medical. And also incredibly valuable is a doctor who knows about it and can fine-tune things. But look at the outcome: for people to be restored. And, even if one is a little bit vulnerable the whole bloody time, not to be pitching over that goddamn cliff every so often is an immense advantage.

100 Voices was published in the Hot Press Mental Health Special in conjunction with Lyons Tea and Pieta House as part of the Now We're Talking Campaign. For more please visit hotpress.com/now-were-talking/