100 Voices: Sarah Houlihan - On suicide and stigma: #NowWereTalking

A loss by suicide is shocking, devastating and one of the most difficult of losses to grieve. The associated stigma can make it difficult for a family to acknowledge the loss and to work through their grief. The shame or embarrassment can lead them to keep it a secret. That was the case following the death of my brother Timmy, a few years ago.

I was only fifteen years old when I lost him, a decorated jockey in the horse racing world, who had already been so successful in his 20 short years. I was very young at the time. I didn’t understand suicide. You are never prepared for death to knock on your door, and my family most certainly was not prepared for what came knocking on our door. I often think about my parents and the sense of isolation they must have felt. People may feel uncomfortable approaching someone whose loved one ended their own life. It is even more isolating for those unable to share the cause of death.

I come from a large family, with six other siblings – five brothers and a sister. I have two younger brothers who at the time of his death were so young you could not even begin to explain to them what had happened. They wouldn’t have understood. We didn’t understand it ourselves. So, as a family we didn’t speak about it. We assumed this is the best way of coping. But in fact it is the worst. We were only creating another problem.

I know first-hand the impact of suicide and I hope that I might help to prevent others from suffering that loss. Nowadays it is scary how common suicide is. Suicide prevention is truly up to us all, reaching out and helping those at risk. You have good days, and you have bad days. Remember there is always someone to talk to – especially on the bad days. It’s ok to not feel ok.

100 Voices was published in the Hot Press Mental Health Special in conjunction with Lyons Tea and Pieta House as part of the Now We're Talking Campaign. For more please visit hotpress.com/now-were-talking/