Hot Off The Press

SNOOP DOGG IN NEW FOUL LANGUAGE CONTROVERSY
In a move that will doubtless win the approval of the powerful Parents Against Foul Language in Popular Music (PAFLIPM) lobby, the US media giant NBC has banned ‘Drop It Like It’s Snot’, the hit single from the controversial rapper Snoop Dogg (formerly Snoop Doggy Dog).
“We believe that a song like ‘Drop It Like It’s Snot’ is unsuitable for people over the age of 15 and since the majority of Americans are in fact over 50 that makes it totally unsuitable for our audience. I mean it’s alright for kids and people like that – if people is the right word to use for kids – to talk about snot, but they can do that among themselves in their locker rooms and dorms and places like that where there are no adults around.”
The single, which features Colin Farrell on guest vocals, will no longer be played on any NBC station, and word on the industry grapevine is that other networks, including ABC, CBS and Fox are likely to follow suit.
In response, the foul mouthed rapper, whose music is renowned for its copious references to “hos”, “pussy”, “dicks”, “cocks” and “bros” has accused NBC of misunderstanding the message of the song.
“What I’m trying to do is to educate the kids to the dangers of snot,” he told Hot Off The Press. “In a word I want them to say ‘No’ to snot. I think we all could do with a bit less snot in our lives.”
RTE refused to comment on whether or not it intended to ban the song in Irelanmd. “We don’t intend to play it, but that doesn’t mean it’s been banned,” a spokesman commented.

STREET LINGO INCLUDED IN NEW EDITION OF OXFORD DICTIONARY
The compilers of the Oxford English dictionary have announced that contemporary youth culture phrases are to be included in the 2005 edition of the best-selling reference book.
Phrases such as “Harass my mother” (to phone one’s dealer), “Touch base with Mandelson” (meet up with some friends for a drink) and “Isolate Castro” (exclude an annoying person from conversation) are to be listed in a “contemporary phraseology” section in the tome’s appendix.
The decision has drawn fire from academics who insist that the move represents a further “dumbing down” of modern culture. “Certainly, young people today have their modes of discourse,” commented Professor Myles Tungsten of UCD. “But is that really something we should legitimise and encourage? Should I really have to put up with my daughter traipsing around the house, vacuously intoning nonsensical phrases such as “Get shit-faced with Djemba-Djemba” and “Decentralise my forehead”? Language is coming apart at the seams and all we’re doing is standing around, stuffing our faces with Jaffa Cakes and watching Off the Rails.”
However, youth culture activists have hit back, accusing Tungsten and his colleagues of being “out of touch.” “He really needs to deregulate his thighs and assault the pope with an Uzi,” commented Niall Marriage, ironically one of Tungsten’s students at UCD. “Otherwise, he’s gonna get flummoxed by Dunphy and end up nonce-down in a shit-pile.”

ROBBIE WHO?
In a sensational move likely to rock the music industry to its foundations, Sony have announced plans to delete Robbie Williams. In a surprise announcement to the stock exchange this morning the record company says it aims to permanently erase the former Take That star, and all mention of him in history. As from early next year, nobody will remember who Williams was or the songs he sang. Williams fell out of favour with record company bosses after they ploughed $900 billion into the star’s last album; a sum they think may have been just a little too much. Sources indicate that the singer will be granted a new passport and relocated to north Scotland. By the summer of 2006 he will be known as Gordon Farrington, a bagpipes salesman married to Bernadette with a strong interest in taxidermy.