Culture
16 Apr 01

FOUR POSSIBILITIES AND AN ANSWER - The Blow Up Movie Quiz

Can you see the Forrest for the Gump? Can you explain the cultural phenomenon of Steven Seagal in English plain enough for Seagal himself to understand? Did you recognise any of the actors hiding beneath moustaches in Wyatt Earp, Tombstone and Gettysburg? Are you ready for the fourth annual X-mas rated Blow Up Movie Quiz? Oh, well, give it a go anyway. Now we separate the movie buffs from the people who have got something more interesting to do than spend all day hanging around cinemas and reading Hot Press. Answers can be found on page 99 but anyone caught peeking will have to live with the knowledge that they are a dirty, rotten, good for nothing, low down cheat. Good luck. And remember, this quiz is just like a box of chocolates . . . you’ll feel sick when you’ve finished.

1 1994 may yet come to be known as the year of the bus, with Robert DeNiro finally shedding the psychotic mantle of Taxi Driver by casting himself as a kindly bus driver in his directorial debut A Bronx Tale, Keanu Reeves asking the passengers to hold very tight please in the Die Hard-on-a-bus thriller Speed, and, crucially, a succession of buses arriving just in time to stop the poor sods stuck next to Tom Hanks at the bus stop being bored to death in Forrest Gump. Buses also featured in Bhaji On The Beach, Mrs Doubtfire, Getting Even With Dad and Angie. But which film was actually named after a bus?

(a) Lightning Jack

(b)The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

(d) Thirty Two (Short Films About Glenn Gould)

2 They say a Hollywood marriage is one in which they vow to remain faithful until after the honeymoon. Drew Barrymore didn’t even bother with a honeymoon - she proposed to her boyfriend of two months in an alleyway at two in the morning, found a psychic priest in the yellow pages by dialling 1-800-I-MARRY-YOU, tied the knot in the wee small hours of the morning in the groom’s bar, went off on location without him, did a series of high profile interviews about the joys of marriage then instigated divorce proceedings the next time she saw him. Which of the following Hollywood couples did not separate in 1994?

(a) Tom and Roseanne Arnold

(b) Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford

(d) Don Johnson and Melanie Griffiths

(e) Paula Abdul and Emilio Estevez

(f) Kevin and Cindy Costner

3 In True Lies, the most expensive film ever made, that muscle-bound icon of masculinity Arnold Schwarzenegger plays a superspy who has convinced his wife for 16 years (obviously they didn’t get married in Hollywood) that he has another day job. What is it?

(a) Fitness trainer

(b) Genetic scientist

(d) Computer salesman

4True Lies was attacked for its portrayal of Arab villains, to which director James Cameron replied “You gotta make someone the bad guy. It could have just as easily been the Irish.” Gee, thanks. Which other hit film stirred up major controversy in America when it was attacked by politically correct commentators for being racist, reactionary, sexist and homophobic?

(a) The Lion King

(b) Natural Born Killers

(d) Grumpy Old Men

5 Last year it was Harvey Keitel who was cropping up everywhere. This year his mantle fell to another actor, who appeared in four different films, playing the easter bunny, a colour blind psychiatrist, a cop in cycling shorts and a prize fighter. He even rivalled Harv in the full frontal department, letting it all hang out for a few moments of screen glory (not that many people noticed). Who was it?

(a) Gary Oldman

(b) Jim Carrey

(d) Robin Williams

6 Films frequently go through title changes, for a variety of reasons. In 1994 “Cop Tips Waitress $2 Million” was changed just before release to It Could Happen To You (because it was considered more audience friendly), “The Ref” was released in Ireland and the UK during World Cup hysteria as Hostile Hostages (in case audiences thought it was a football film), “Snake Eyes” became Dangerous Games (because nobody knew what the original title meant, including the people who made it, I’ll bet), “Angie, I Says” was changed to Angie (God Knows) and “Unidentified Human Remains And The True Nature of Love” became simply Love And Human Remains (presumably so that it could fit on cinema hoardings). But one film went through 52 different permutations before finally being released with the writer’s original title. Alternative suggestions included “Skulking Around”, “Loitering In Sacred Places”, and “Toffs On Heat”. What was the film?

(a) Four Weddings And A Funeral

(b) What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?

(d) The Age Of Innocence

7“Alice At The A.A.” was the working title of When A Man Loves A Woman, so you can hardly blame them for changing it. Film-makers stuck for inspiration (or looking for a hit tie in) all too frequently turn to classic songs, ruining them for everybody else. Which of the following famous songs has not been turned into a movie?

(a) ‘Jumpin’ Jack Flash’

(b) ‘Girls Just Want To Have Fun’

(d) ‘Under The Boardwalk’

(e) ‘Soul Man’

(f) ‘Peggy Sue’

(g) ‘Pretty Woman’

(h) ‘Heartbreak Hotel’

8 The music of Bono and U2 was featured in several films, notably providing the title tracks for Faraway, So Close and In The Name of the Father. But which U2 track was played in the background while a mad, drunken Republican terrorist with a dodgy accent (Tommy Lee Jones) constructed a bomb out of bits of old bicycles and children’s toys in the extremely dubious thriller, Blown Away?

(a) ‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For’

(b) ‘Sunday Bloody Sunday’

(d) ‘11 O’clock Tick Tock’

9Apparently not satisfied with composer credits, and brushing aside all thoughts of Mick Jagger in Ned Kelly, John Lennon in How I Won The War, Bob Dylan in Pat Garett and Billy The Kid, Johnny Rotten in Order of Death, Bob Geldof in Number One, David Bowie in Just A Gigolo and Sting in, well, anything, Bono is set to become the latest rock star to hit the silver screen, make his acting debut in kilt and scots accent, opposite Liam Neeson in Rob Roy. Which rock star made his film debut this year, by exposing himself full-frontally and pissing onscreen?

(a) Lou Reed in Faraway, So Close

(b) Huey Lewis in Short Cuts

(d) Jimi Hendrix in Woodstock: The Director’s Cut

10 Which famous British celebrity was offered (and seriously considered) the opportunity to make her film debut in the lead role of Ken Russell’s film of the life of Queen Bodicea, famous for riding her chariot into battle with one breast exposed?

(a) Anneka Rice

(b) Margaret Thatcher

(d) Sam Fox

11The wages of sin can apparently be quite lucrative if you have a good agent. Tonya Harding was banned from competitive skating for her role in the attack on her olympic rival Nancy Kerrigan, but launched herself as a screen tough gal in the starring role of straight-to-video crime thriller Breakaway. Meanwhile, John Wayne Bobbit, whose penis was severed by his abused wife, came back from the operating table as a porn star. What was his debut hardcore video called?

(a) John Wayne Bobbit Uncut

(b) Bobbit: You Can’t Keep A Good Man Down

(d) Free Willy

12While the Irish censor was busy banning films like Bad Lieutenant, Natural Born Killers and Dangerous Games, another controversial film, featuring a devastating scene of penile amputation, was allowed to be shown for the first time in Ireland. What was it?

(a) Golden Balls

(b) Last Tango In Paris

(d) How To Be A Woman And Not Die In The Attempt

13 Hollywood continued re-making French movies with American stars (although they made an exception in the case of Mon Pere, Ce Heros, which was remade with its original French star, Gerard Depardieu, as My Father, The Hero). Which one of the following films was a remake of a little seen French film called La Totale?

(a) Total Recall

(b) Romeo Is Bleeding

(d) True Lies

14“What does it take to change the essence of a man?” Steven Seagal philosophically enquires in On Deadly Ground, before apparently concluding that it takes a good kicking at the very least and laying into some poor bit part player. During the course of the movie, he breaks people’s necks, shoots just about everyone else in the film, blows up a helicopter and destroys an oil refinery. What’s his excuse for all this mayhem and destruction?

(a) He was having a bad day.

(b) His mother had been killed by falling into an oil well.

(d) He was told to do it in a mystic dream by a white polar bear.

15 There was, as usual, plenty of crap spoken in the movies, but Steven Seagal aside, in which film does the star literally talk out of his bottom?

(a) Forrest Gump

(b) Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

(d) Look Who's Talking Now

16And finally, match the quote with the film.

Quotes -

(a) “Boy, sometimes you can just smell a tremendously shitty day on the way, can’t you?”

(b) “I am God!”

(d) “The planet is dying!”