Dancing Queen

"I decided to enter Miss Alternative Ireland after being at it last year and having such a brilliant time. I picked the name Funtime Gustavo because I have a big thing about Latinos. It’s a great night now that it’s open to literally everybody, including girls. I think a dog actually entered a few years ago. But it’s not just about drag. It’s about theatre. You can dance and mime to records, so it’s about being able to put on a performance too.

It’s a serious event, like a gay Christmas, so I think it’s time RTE televised it. If they can do the Rose of Tralee they should do Miss Alternative Ireland! A lot of straight people go to it and they really enjoy it, so it’s not just for gays and drag queens.
My role models include Sid Vicious and Shirley Temple Bar. I don’t know where Shirley gets all that energy from but I’d sure like to get hold of some of it. They both inspired me along the way.
The atmosphere among the girls backstage was great. Nobody did a diva strop, except for one competitor, who was being real bitchy and demanding a better dressing-room than the one she was given. There’s no need for that kind of carry-on. It’s all for charity after all.
The competition was quite stiff, and I have to say I was a bit scared – if that’s the right word! – of Mary Poppers and Trudi Scrumptious. I thought either of them could win. To be honest, I was shitting breeze-blocks.
For the first section, the daywear section, we did ‘Dancing Fool’. It’s a real forties swing number. For the swimwear section I wore a chest wig, and Panti interrogated me as if I was going through US immigration! It was my first time to speak into a microphone but Panti put me at ease. She’s great that way. I relaxed a bit after that.
Although my character is Puerto Rican, I have to do it in a Cuban accent as that’s the only accent I can do properly. For the evening wear section we did ‘America’ from West Side Story.
When Panti the compere announced my name as the winner I was really shocked. But in a way I thought I deserved it. If I’d lost I wouldn’t have been a bad loser, but I’d have had to see the DVD, to see where I went wrong and to find out why the winner was better than me. But I’d worked so hard, rehearsing every night for weeks with my troupe Doppelgang to get every move just right, I suppose I had to be in with a chance.
On the night, Doppelgang were made up of two fags, two drags, two kings and two queens. We do gigs regularly in Glitz and The George, so we’re used to working together. The troupe were great. Emma Pony made a lovely dress based on the Statue of Liberty for one of the troupe to wear during the evening-wear session and Christian painted her body green. It worked a treat.
Because it’s all for charity, the only prize is the title itself and dinner for two in a restaurant whose name I can’t even pronounce. But one of the coolest things ever happened to me later. After the show I was celebrating in Stringfellow’s night club, and Des Bishop bought me a drink and told me I should be a comedian. Imagine that! Then Brendan Courtney, who was one of the judges, did this lovely bow in front of me when he met me, treating me like a proper queen.
We celebrated right through the night, and next morning I was still going strong when I called in for breakfast in Lovin’ Spoon on North Frederick Street. The couple who own it wouldn’t let me pay. That’s one of the perks of winning I suppose!
I’ll shortly be off to America for some gigs, including Washington and Chicago. The only disappointment is that because I won Miss Alternative Ireland this year, I won’t be able to enter next year. But I’ll definitely be there. I wouldn’t miss it for the world."
In conversation with Jackie Hayden