Comfortably yum

The latest wheeze of 50-something, Casio-wielding singer-songwriter John Shuttleworth is With My Condiments, a decidedly novel tour which will see the mild-mannered Yorkshire man impart his culinary knowledge to no-doubt grateful audiences. To coincide with the jaunt, the irrepressible Shuttleworth has also released a CD, 4 Rather Tasty Tracks, which features such quality compositions as ‘Serial Cereal Eater’, ‘Tummy Trouble’ and ‘I Can’t Go Back To Savoury Now’.
“The whole idea was very, very loosely inspired by Jamie Oliver,” explains Graham Fellows, the man who created and performs the Shuttleworth character. “John Shuttleworth shows are always based on a very flimsy premise; in the past it’s been everything from home security to saving the planet. I just like a little idea to hang the show on, and then I go off on a tangent from there. With this tour, I thought John would be inspired by spreading the word about how to have a healthy diet.
“But then instantly, it would be fraught with problems. Like, John would think that he could cook a meal onstage, but then he would be told that for health and safety reasons, cooking wasn’t allowed. Also, one of the gags we have is that the organ is at an angle, so any kitchen implements he puts on top of it just slide off the organ onto the keys, producing a rather unpleasant jazz chord.”
Is Graham into cooking generally?
“Not particularly, although Ainsley Harriott is my brother-in-law,” he reveals. “But that’s really a red herring, because it’s my only link with cookery. I cook like anyone else cooks, just to eat and survive. Having said that, my new girlfriend’s mother is a professional domestic science teacher. The food angle is really a springboard for John to talk about other stuff, like the lack of cardboard in a Bounty bar, or why people say “tuna mayo” when “tuna mayonnaise” sounds much better. In fact, he suggests that there should be a swap and that Co. Mayo should be called Co. Mayonnaise.”
Previously, Shuttleworth attempted to enter the Eurovision with the song ‘Pigeons In Flight’.
“He was attempting to replicate the success of Ireland,” reflects Graham. “Mind you, you’ve not done too well recently, have you? I did try and enter John’s song for real in ’97 or ’98. It was the year that Michael Ball entered with ‘One Step At A Time’. But I took the view that John wouldn’t be able to afford the £70 entry fee, so I rang the organisers, as John, and tried to find out if I could just submit the chorus for £25.
“They said no, so then I asked how much it would be for an intro, and at that point they hung up. Then John tried to find Michael Ball, to see if he could persuade him to sing ‘Pigeons In Flight’. It ended up with John doing a wonderful mash-up of ‘One Step At A Time’ and ‘Pigeons In Flight’, which I’m very proud of.”
Graham’s musical talents extend far beyond merely writing spoof Eurovision entries. A native of Manchester, he enjoyed some success during the punk era as Jilted John, whose eponymous hit single (produced by renowned Joy Division collaborator Martin Hannett) resulted in an appearance on Top Of The Pops.
“It all happened quite quickly,” remembers Graham. “I was very young, 19, and I was at drama college. I went to the Manchester Poly Drama School, which is where people like Steve Coogan, Bernard Hill and Julie Walters went. It was a good training ground, and I had a great time. I wrote ‘Jilted John’ in the first year of college, knocking about in the canteen with an old guitar. I got into songwriting at that point, and it tore me career-wise, I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to be an actor or a musician. But now with Shuttleworth and my other characters, it’s quite nice because I can do both.
“To be honest, the gigs I did around that time were really to get an Equity card as much as to get a hit record. It’s strange, back then you’d hear tales of people packing it in because they couldn’t get an Equity card, whereas now, they’re bending over backwards to try and get people to join the union.
“I mean, I wouldn’t have known, say, Joy Division, particularly well. They were like the rivals, because they were on Factory Records, whereas I sort of knew the Rabid Records lot, artists like John Cooper Clarke and Slaughter and The Dogs. The less successful people, really. But a bit more arty in a way. I went back to drama school and carried on acting, although I never really fitted in. I think it was only when I started doing stand-up – or rather sit-down – comedy, that I found what I wanted to do.”
The success of Jilted John did at least partly cause an upturn in Graham’s fortunes as a thespian – on the back of the single’s hit status, he was offered a part on Coronation Street as a suitor to Gail Platt.
“I was on it a couple of times,” reminisces Graham. “The first occasion was probably the most memorable, as it was broadcast on New Year’s Day 1979. I played someone who fancied Gail, who was outside the cinema, waiting for Brian Tilsey to turn up for a date. He didn’t show and I went up to her and said, ‘I’ve been stood up as well, do you fancy coming down the back row with me?’ And she goes, ‘No thank you’. Three or four years later, I got a part for two months on the series, again playing someone who fancied Gail. Les Charlton was his name, and he was a lorry driver.
“I’m actually about to appear in an episode of Hearbeat, playing the father of one of the policemen. I’m this drunk who’s a bit psychotic, and he’s lost his memory and ends up in a mental hospital. It’s nice to do the odd bit of acting, but I haven’t got time to do much. My own characters keep be busy enough!”

John Shuttleworth plays the Bud Light Revue comedy festival at Iveagh Gardens, Dublin on July 29.