Sex, dating and the internet

My friend Emma wants a man. Not just any man – a boyfriend.
“Just for a change,” she tells me, “I’d like to sleep with the same guy more than once.” In fact, the dear girl wants someone she can shag, snuggle up to at night and read the papers with on lazy Sunday afternoons. Well, isn’t she ambitious!
Emma decided to get the girls – which include our honorary male friend, Gerry – together for a confab to sort out the great man debate. How to find one that suits? That was the Big Question on the agenda.
Emma, it must be said, has not had much difficulty finding men previously. She’s very pretty and a consummate flirt – not the kind of girl to sit at home alone on a Saturday night, and very unlikely to come home empty-handed in the wee hours of Sunday morning either.
Having dismissed the men she meets out and about as “testosterone-fuelled, semi-alcoholic, commitment-phobic losers” – a type which, until recently she seemed quite fond of, but we let that pass – and our various single male friends as unsuitable, we realised that there was only one thing for it: Emma would have to shop online.
Internet dating has taken off massively in the last few years and if the statistics are to be believed, one in ten Irish singles are looking for sex and love online. This number is growing and it is estimated that by 2008, six in ten Irish singles will be only a few mouse clicks away.
The rising popularity of Internet dating means that the stigma attached to joining a lonely-hearts club is fading. More importantly, this means that online sites are filled with what you might risk calling normal people. They may be tired of the pub and club scene, live in small towns or be back on the singles market after being in relationships for years. Chances are, they are not sexual deviants. The sexual deviants – excellent people that they are! – have their own sites, after all.
So what’s it like out there in the electronic jungle? The Internet is often touted as a singles nirvana, but does it live up to the hype? Well, yes and no.
Problem number one is that there is just too much choice. So many men, so little time! When there are supposedly thousands of singles waiting to meet you, it can be easy to dismiss someone who doesn’t seem an ideal match. Why bother with them when someone younger, thinner or richer may just be around the corner?
Problem number two is that you often have a false idea of who you are about to meet. The modus operandi of dating sites is that you’ll get to know someone via email before ever meeting him or her in the flesh. This sounds great, but it would sure help if people were honest. A little tweaking of profiles is to be expected, but photos that are years out of date, or not mentioning the fact that they are married with 2.5 kids, is more than just a little white lie.
Unfortunately, even the most attractive face doesn’t guarantee that there will be any sexual chemistry between two people, and those who write witty, amusing emails are not necessarily as much fun face-to-face. By the same token, people who you’ve discounted because they don’t look their best in 72dpi may well turn out to be real crackers – but you’ll never get to know.
Like the real world, it’s a lot easier to find sex online than it is love. A friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, decided that this was the best approach. He reckons it’s easier than trying to score and no one expects you to call the next day. No mess, no fuss.
Now, the game of seduction, the chase and the tease are important to me, and I wouldn’t give that up willingly. That’s at least half the fun of meeting someone new – all the delicious anticipation. But according to my friend, even if the sex is fairly average, the circumstances under which he finds it makes him feel like he’s doing something dirty and kinky – and that’s the payoff.
Emma decided it was worth a shot, but with the emphasis on dating rather than sex. She joined a number of different sites, so that – in theory at least – she would have access to the cream of the online male community. She wasn’t disappointed – there were plenty of interesting men and her inbox was flooded with mail. All in all, it seemed like a promising start.
To begin with, the dates were not successful. To be fair, most of the blokes were perfectly nice, but just not what she was looking for. Then there was the married man, the racist and the Aussie who wanted an Irish wife so he could stay in the country. One date went particularly well, or so Emma thought, but he never arranged a second meeting and stopped responding to her emails.
So far the jury – Emma, that is – is out. But at least she’s actually going out!
Gerry had warned us, though. He tried Internet dating and some of his dates were absolute disasters as well – a gold digger who spent the evening asking about his financial status; a woman nearly 20 years older than the photo she’d uploaded; an alcoholic who puked outside the pub; women who refused to see him again without giving him a reason and one memorable date with a person who claimed to be female, but Gerry wasn’t convinced. But despite all these traumas, Gerry did meet the woman who is now his girlfriend – and that he says, made it all worthwhile.
When I first came to Dublin I knew nobody and used the Internet to meet up with all kinds of people, for all sorts of different reasons. I made some friends, had some dates, but the most important thing was that it showed me that there were lots of interesting people out there – and that they were plenty interested in me.
It can be tricky, but Internet dating is still a great idea. I’ve never met anyone who was sorry they signed up. It’s fun and gives you access to loads of people you’d most likely never meet otherwise. And you just never know when or where you’ll strike it lucky.
As I did. Without access to the Internet I’d never have met my boyfriend, Thomas. It’s a little complicated, but I met him through a girl, whom a friend of mine met online. And you’ll never guess where this chain started? Why at hotpress.com!