Opinion: "Masturbation is most definitely for women too"

I was late to the game when it came to cumming, when it came to masturbating and orgasms, compared to most I was late. Sorry, compared to most guys I was late – compared to most girls I was right on time, or compared to some, I was early.

Because it turned out that I was the one pioneering the way, sharing the message, leading the troops, but in terms of society: uh oh. I was late.

There are so many reasons why guys start earlier than girls. I mean, there’s the fact that patriarchal views are built into sex education; and the fact that an in-depth shame still surrounds the idea of women and sex. But there are other things we come up against that are kinda like inbuilt disadvantages. For one, penises literally stand up and say “Hey, fancy a wank?” They get hard and something has to be done about it. For girls, it’s more of a tingle, a little tremble that turns into temptation, but to do what? We are not really sure.

For me, the discovery came in the shape of a diagram. It came to me as a very detailed drawing of a vagina, done by my friend, with a big arrow pointing towards the clitoris. It came as an explanation that that’s what you rub, the clit. So I rubbed. I rubbed and rubbed… and rubbed until I couldn’t rub anymore. Then I went to Ann Summers and bought a tiny bullet vibrator so my hand could have a rest from all the rubbing and that’s when it happened.

The ceiling of my bathroom opened above me and I saw the light. My body convulsed in ways I couldn’t control. I was making sounds I couldn’t silence and I was orgasming like never before. At that moment, I was properly inducted into the world of masturbating and orgasms – to the world of cumming! – and I was never going back.

SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN

I started to tell all my friends: I became the one taking them to Ann Summers and introducing them to the trusted bullet vibrator. I was making up for lost time and wanted to make sure that no-one else waited any longer than they had to for their first orgasm.

The thing is masturbation is like sex: you can go through dry spells and become too busy or tired or distracted to take that moment to pleasure yourself. You can get into a rut and it can be so long since you did it, that you think:

“Was it all that hot?”

“Surely not.”

“I must have been exaggerating.”

And then, all of a sudden, that tingle starts again, unexpectedly. You may be completely unprepared – but this time you are aware and know exactly what is happening. Your vulva is waking up and saying “Hey, fancy a wank?”

So that night you lay in bed, tossing and turning, waiting and wondering:

“Is it really worth it?”

“Maybe I should just get some sleep.”

And then the tingle is too much to handle, it’s more than a tingle, it’s a buzzing, it’s a burning, it’s a blaze, so you do it. You touch and rub and vibrate against your clit and around the fourth orgasm or so you think “Yeah that was fucking worth it.” The fire is lit, and you are back at the start, unable to stop; wanking daily, more than daily, just wanking at every opportunity.

Masturbation is different for everyone: that’s one of the beautiful things about it. For some people it’s as simple as taking five minutes, sticking their hands down their pants and rubbing away. For others, porn is the go-to, finding something from a fantasy to a fetish to turn them on. Some women only orgasm with sex toys and extra stimulation, others find erotica or music to assist them. However you choose to wank, it is scientifically proven that it is good for you.

A BIT OF SELF-CARE

My main reason for loving wanking is that it is a guaranteed orgasm, which, sadly enough, isn’t always the case with sex. It is proven that, while 95% of the time men experience orgasms from sex, women only experience orgasms either 70% (in a committed relationship) or a mere 49% (with casual partners.)

For this reason alone, I wank. That is, I wank because I know that when I start I am going to finish. However, there are many more reasons than that for masturbating.

asturbating and orgasms have huge health benefits – from stress release to aiding sleep. How come? Orgasms are proven to release endorphins and oxytocin. Impressive, huh?

Masturbating can also be great for sex: if you are looking for something new and exciting to do with a partner, why not try mutual masturbation, where you both masturbate, either taking it in turns or at the same time. Watching someone pleasure themselves can be a huge turn-on and it allows you to show your partner how you like to be touched and aroused. Furthermore, mutual masturbation can be a great alternative to sex if you are starting a new relationship and aren’t ready for sex, have an STI or just aren’t into period sex.

Within society generally, women and wanking still don’t go together. It’s not talked about or considered a coming-of-age moment for women like it is for men – but wanking is such an important way to understand yourself, your body and what gives you sexual pleasure.

So, if you are with a partner or going solo, if it’s your first time or you know exactly what works for you, if it’s been a while or just a minute, this weekend I encourage you all to take the time to indulge in a bit of self-care and have a wank.

Trust me, it’s cheaper than the cinema and you’re always guaranteed an Oscar-winning performance.