- Sex & Drugs
- 26 May 16
"I was asked if I wanted to smoke something from a piece of tin foil. Initially I refused, but eventually agreed. It was consensual of course, just stupid," he says.
“To me, the gay party scene is just that: somewhere to party. I do think the gay party scene is more drug-infused than the ‘straight party scene’, but I think that's only natural having evolved from something that was essentially entirely underground. I have been with guys while high, while drunk and while entirely sober but substances were never the sole factor for any of those encounters.
“Generally, after a night out, there is somewhere to go. Sometimes you are invited, sometimes you find it and sometimes you spend the whole night wandering and end up going home. These range from someone's house to organised underground after-parties. Most have drugs, in some shape or form, but in my opinion they are just a place to keep the night going. A place you may regret the next day only because of the stupid amount of money you spent there.
“Chemsex, on the other hand, is something that I consider to be much quieter in nature. I don't think I have ever said ‘chemsex’ or ‘chems’ out loud as it is something that I have only ever seen online. My first, and last, experience of this was about two years ago. I was drunk, unsurprisingly, and was at the end of the night in Coppers of all places. As many gay men do, I took to Grindr to have a snoop to see who was around. No particular agenda, but was not against the idea of going back to a guy's place.
“I got a message from this guy. Older, maybe mid-late thirties and relatively handsome. Handsome enough to make me agree to let him pick me up and go back to his, and his boyfriend's, place. Chemsex was on his profile, I think, and it may have been mentioned but again, I was drunk. That said, driving to pick people up is not an uncommon offer in the gay community. It was just the first time I said ‘yes’.
“I arrived at their place. I was asked if I wanted to smoke something from a piece of tin foil. Initially I refused, but eventually agreed. It was consensual of course, just stupid. The night then became me slowly getting higher while a very strange threesome ensued. Time passed quickly and very little sex actually happened, but it just felt wrong. I had no idea where in Dublin I was, or who I was with. My phone was dead and I suddenly became paranoid.
“They didn't want me to leave, I think mainly because I couldn't quite get the words out how I was feeling. They were confused but didn't stop me. One of them was going to work high (a lawyer, I believe) and offered to give me a lift. I said I had a friend who lived around the corner and left as quickly as I could.
“It was something like 10am. I had been there all night, hadn't slept and found myself walking around Ballsbridge alone. I found a bus to the northside and just sat on it feeling terrible trying to comprehend what had happened. I went back onto Grindr to see what was said. I wasn't making much sense when messaging them but they were obviously keen. I also did not agree to any drugs, and there was no mention of it outside of his bio. I was coming down and had to deal with people. I didn't tell anyone exactly where I'd been as I was still trying to work it out myself.
“I felt almost like I had been coaxed into the situation, so I wrote a long message to this guy about how irresponsible it was of them to bring me into that situation, when I was clearly so drunk. It was fucked up but, although I should have left immediately, I feel like a lot of guys would do the same as me. I also realised that he came to pick me up after having smoked a lot of whatever that stuff was. I still don't really know, presumably amphetamines of some kind. The comedown was hell.
“Unfortunately, this wasn't even the end of it. After blocking both guys after they tried to message me again, I started to receive messages from fake profiles. The pictures would change but I could generally spot them. Apparently, after that night, their relationship went south. Possibly because I called them out for their drug addiction, but who knows.
“One of them blamed me, in any case. He wasn't threatening or abusing, but kept resurfacing. I was just so angry to see them using fake profiles to potentially pick up guys that, again, I wrote a very long, detailed message about how fucked up everything that he was doing was and how he needed to stop.
“I heard from them only once more, a few months later, to tell me that they had broken up and given up drugs. That experience made me reevaluate a lot of my decisions in relation to sex and drugs in the future. I am not against either, by any means, but I think it's important to realise the world that you're stepping into. Impulsive decisions like mine can lead you into situations that you really don't need to be involved in.
“Gay men definitely know how to have fun, so this is where I bring back the distinction between the party scene and chemsex. If you're going to have sex or do drugs, do it safely and with people you are comfortable around. If the two combine, this only becomes more important.”
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