In Defence of Celia And Bertie

Students of religion will no doubt have been struck by the recent spate of articles concerning the relationship between the Taoiseach, Bertie Ahern, and his partner Celia Larkin. The issue was first raised as a matter of national concern in an editorial in the Church Of Ireland Gazette, which somewhat breathlessly described the sight of Miss Celia Larkin accompanying Mr Ahern at home and abroad, as he goes about State business, as "astonishing". Clearly, the leader writer with the Gazette is rather easily astonished. However, bearing in mind the great strides that Christians of all shades, stripes, tribes and denominations are alleged to have been making on the ecumenical front, there was a piquant little barb in the piece, directed at the Catholic hierarchy. Not only was it remarkable, the astonished editorialist pointed out, that the Taoiseach felt no need to apologise for the public nature of his relationship, but it was even more remarkable that the Roman Catholic Church, until recently the staunch defender of public morality in this country, has been so silent in this instance.

Until recently! So silent! Roman Catholic! Even more remarkable! Ah yes, there was a bit of shit-stirring going on here, a touch of old-fashioned goading, of baiting the Papists. And it worked.

A variation on this line of attack was presented subsequently by Bruce Arnold in the Irish Independent, who gravely suggested that Bertie Ahern's relationship with Celia Larkin runs directly counter to his solemn duties, as head of the Government, in upholding the Constitution. And how? The nub of Arnold's argument is that the Government has a political and legal duty to uphold Article 41 of the Constitution, which pledges "to guard with special care the institution of marriage, on which the family is founded, and to protect it against attack" and that Bertie Ahern's extra-marital relationship with Celia Larkin is incompatible with this pledge. Now whatever about the constitutional niceties, a final moralistic flourish made it clear just how personal this campaign might yet become. Accusing Bertie Ahern of a failure to publicly respect his own marriage, he described this as a matter of deep offence. "Our Constitution does not allow our politicians, when in power, to give scandal," he concluded. "For that we should be grateful, and we should make sure this does not change."

With the Church Of Ireland Gazette staking out the high moral ground and the Irish Independent joining them there, could the Irish Catholic afford to sit idly by? It could not! An editorial in the most recent edition of the journal warmed to the idea that the Taoiseach's relationship is constitutionally untenable before suggesting that there would be only two courses of action open to Mr Ahern: "to divorce and remarry, or to broaden the constitutional definition of the family to include non-marital forms".

But like Bart Simpson, it seems that for the Taoiseach it's a case of damned if you do, damned if you don't. The editorial further warned that even if the Taoiseach were to marry Celia Larkin, the relationship would "not be satisfactory from the point of view of those who subscribe to a more traditional view of morality and society".

Now, as long-term readers will be only too well aware, Hot Press has always maintained a deep interest in religious affairs—especially where they converge with matters of personal morality. So, if this issue is good enough for an editorial in the Church Of Ireland Gazette and the Irish Catholic, then it's sure as hell, so to speak, good enough for Hot Press too.

Thus, having considered the question thoroughly, and weighed up all of the fine political and constitutional nuances, as well as examining it from an ontological, not to mention an epistemological perspective, we in Hot Press would like to say the following to our fellow leader writers: would you ever go and take a running jump at yourselves, you mouldy oul' shower of reactionary gits. To begin with, there is nothing at all astonishing about the sight of Celia Larkin accompanying Bertie Ahern, either at home or abroad. Nor is there, or should there be, any perceived imperative for Bertie Ahern to divorce and remarry. (As if either decision could or should be taken without reference to the women involved.)

The implication from all these articles is that the Taoiseach's relationship with Celia Larkin should be kept hidden, that what happens behind closed doors is one thing but that Bertie shouldn't be seen with her in public.

One of the most important and positive changes that has taken place in Ireland over the past decade or so is that the majority of people no longer have any time for hypocrisy of this kind. Bertie Ahern is not living with his wife. He is involved in a relationship with Celia Larkin. There is no reason for anyone to be in denial in relation to this, least of all Bertie Ahern.

In fact, Irish society has come so far, and the influence of the churches has diminished so greatly on issues of this kind, that I suspect people here would share the view of those polled in the US regarding President Clinton's dalliance with Monica Lewinsky. What's a few blowjobs between friends? If he's doing a good job as President, no one cares.

How Bertie Ahern's government is doing is a question that we'll return to in Hot Press over the coming months—but his relationship with Celia Larkin has little or nothing to do with it.