GUV’NER: “Hard For Measy For You” (Wiiija)

You would be forgiven for thinking that Pumpkin Wentzel was the name of the protagonist in some old Czechoslovakian folk tale but students of the New York punk rock scene will tell you that she is actually, along with Charles Gansa, one half of Guv’ner.

But to be honest, the former is far more appealing. Guv’ner are a garage band without the rage and Hard For Measy For You (read: Hard For Me, Easy For You) sounds like a bad demo tape of a bad band on a bad day. You get the impression that somebody recorded the band’s first ever bedroom rehearsal for the laugh and, feeling mischievous, swopped it for the real McCoy in the pressing plant.

Not such an outlandish notion as you might think when you consider that the opening track is called ‘Drummer Want Ad’ and consists of nothing more than a recital of their SOS classified ad for a drummer to relieve them of the ignominy of their drum machine. And that’s the highpoint. Lowpoints include ‘Little Bitch On The Phone’, ‘Red Velvet Chair’ and the other twelve or so songs.

They don’t seem to have mastered even ONE chord yet and all the songs keep stopping and starting with nauseating frequency, before eventually spluttering to a standstill and ending the misery.

And yet a nagging voice in my head tells me that if the great Lester Bangs were still with us he’d probably hail it as the great unsung masterpiece of the age, rebuffing all its detractors as smug, short-sighted charlatans who know now’t about rock ‘n’ roll. In fact he’d probably be their drummer!

• Nicholas G Kelly