Hammer of the Underdogs

My name is Stuart Clark and I’m a recovering heavy metal addict. There, I’ve said it. When punk went horribly wrong in 1978, I briefly crossed over to the dark side.

It was safety-pins out and bullet-belts in as I sampled the previously forbidden pleasures of such devil-horn saluting outfits as Angel Witch, Praying Mantis, Ethel The Frog, Tygers Of Pan Tang, Witchfynde and Anvil who I instantly fell in love with when I saw their mainman, Lips, play his Flying V at Dalymount Park in 1983 with a 12” vibrator.
“The vibrator came from me as a kid running a little battery-powered car along the strings of my guitar and thinking, ‘Wow, what a great fucking noise!’” Lips, now a 53-year-old elder statesman of metal, reveals. “A Dinky Toy wasn’t going to cut it visually on stage, so we indulged in some creative thinking, and came up with something else that was battery operated. The guys thought it was funny and the girls wanted their own private performance. You wouldn’t believe where I got asked to stick that thing!”
I can make an educated gynecological guess. The vibrator certainly went down, and possibly up, well that August afternoon at Dalier.
“It was a great fucking show!” enthuses Lips who’s better known to the taxman as Steve Kudlow. “To this day, it was the best monitor sound we’ve ever had. We were on before Twisted Sister who were awesome, and Motörhead who were less so. It was the first time they’d toured with Robbo (Brian Robertson, ex-Thin Lizzy) instead of Fast Eddie Clarke and it wasn’t working out the way they’d hoped. Lemmy was in a filthy mood backstage telling everyone, ‘The cunt won’t even play ‘Ace Of fucking Spades!’ What’s he trying to do to us?’ Robbo is an immense guitarist, and I love him, but he was the wrong man for the Motörhead gig.”
Which, before Brian Robertson accepted it, was offered to Lips.
“Lemmy’s always been like an older brother to me,” he says, getting quite dewy-eyed. “He knew that I’m a big fan, so pretty much straight after Eddie quit they asked me to join. I was in the middle of writing and recording the third Anvil album, Forged In Fire, so I couldn’t do it.”
With HIV still idiotically considered a ‘gay disease’ back then, Anvil’s ‘80s tour diary read like a chapter out of Hammer Of The Gods.
“It was ridiculous. I almost lost complete and all respect for women. What they were prepared to do… I was really shocked. They were worse than men.”
Saying precisely that in 1989 on Canada’s The Shirley Show – think Seoige but with even bigger hair – and having songs with titles like ‘Pussy Poison’ and ‘Butter-Bust Jerky’ made Lips and his band feminist hate figures.
“Man, the Shirley Show fallout was incredible,” he reminisces none too fondly. “That interview happened 20 years ago, but I still feel the same way which is why it ended up in the movie.”
The movie he’s referring to is, of course, Anvil! The Story Of Anvil, which received its Irish premiere a fortnight ago as part of the Jameson Dublin International Film Festival. A documentary run through of the 35-years Lips and his best buddie Robb Reiner have been rocking and rolling together – “We’ve been friends since high school” – it really is as good as all the rave reviews you’ve been reading, not least from Tara Brady of this parish who’s given it a whopping five stars out of five.
For all of the Toronto trio’s cartoon metal buffoonery – unchastened by the Shirley Show experience they’ve added to their politically incorrect canon with the likes of ‘Hair Pie’ and ‘Show Me Your Tits’ – theirs is a story which resonates on many different levels.
“One critic described it as a ‘chick flick’, which I thought was way off target at first, but he’s kinda right,” Lips reflects. “It’s about love, loyalty and staying true to your dreams, no matter how hard other people try to fuck them up for you. We’ve signed way more bad deals than good ones, but never lost the hope that somewhere down the line things are going to get better. You could be a Celine Dion fan and relate to that!”
While pleased to confirm that I don’t know any Celine Dion fans, I did watch Anvil! The Story Of Anvil with a Snow Patrol one who boo-hoo-hooed like a baby at the end when they go to Japan and, well, I won’t spoil it for you. As for me, well, I just had something in my eye.
“I cried my fucking self, man,” Lips reassures. “Anvil is as much family as our wives and kids are, so to have that story told by someone who’s also family is extremely moving.”
Lips is referring to documentary-maker Sasha Gervasi, a former Anvil roadie – “He ran away on tour with us when he was 16” – who’s gone on to write such Hollywood blockbusters as The Terminal, Comrade Rock Star and How To Marry A Millionaire.
“He has respect for us and the music, which is important because we didn’t want The Story Of Anvil to be Spinal Tap 2,” drummer Robb Reiner (no relation) interjects. “When all the fuss about the documentary has died down, we’ll still be out there gigging and making records because that’s what we do. It’s like almost a religious experience for us. This is what we derive the most enjoyment from in our lives, and we want to hold on to that for as long as we can.”
In many ways the straight man to Lips’ Animal from The Muppets-style persona, Reiner does his best during our chinwag to steer the conversation back to music.
“I’m really buzzed being in Dublin ‘cause I’m a diehard Thin Lizzy fan,” he proudly declares. “The one thing we absolutely have to do today is check out Phil’s statue. I partied all night with him and Brian Downey. We were young then and I couldn’t believe I was out for Greek dinner with these idols of mine. He was a great guy, really clued in. There was a connection in that Chris Tsangarides’ next project after producing Thin Lizzy’s Renegade was our 1983 record, Metal On Metal.”
Tsangarides also gets to exercise his fader-fingers on the current Anvil album, This Is Thirteen.
“It’s really important to me that the record gets flagged as much as the movie,” says Reiner, who one fears is going to be disappointed. Those Celine Dion fans might buy into the idea of The Story Of Anvil as a buddy movie, but they’re not about to risk getting their white stilettos scuffed moshing to their music.
If Lips shares Robb’s concerns about people laughing at Anvil rather than with them, it doesn’t show as he enthuses about meeting Keanu Reeves, Matt Dillon, Ozzy Osbourne, Gordon Brown’s wife missus Sarah – “Her brother’s a technician on the film” – and, holy of holies, Slash.
“He’s in the film saying how much he loves Anvil, which is a massive endorsement,” Lips beams. “One of the proudest moments of my life was jamming with him and Scott Ian of Anthrax at the Sundance Film Festival. Slash says, ‘Okay, let’s do Ted Nugent ‘Cat Scratch Fever’’, and he’s the only one hitting the wrong chords! He still managed to sound like a total fucking guitar god though!”
The evidence is there for all to hear at www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hx50U31qA8. Documentary plugging duties completed, Anvil embark on a marathon tour, which includes a June 14 stop-off in the Dublin Academy – their first Irish gig in over quarter-of-a-century.
“We’ve been at this a long fucking time but, you know what, I still feel like a kid. Men don’t grow up, they just get old!”