’BDSM’ is sex play involving bondage and discipline; dominance and submission; and sadism and masochism. I recently spoke to a long-standing friend, whose penchant for BDSM came to light after the bitter break up of her second, short-lived marriage.

Wren had a burning desire to explore “dom-sub play” and her fantasies included being with other couples. Highly sexual, she lost her virginity at 15, and took five different lovers that year. She has been adventurous ever since. In her adult experience, no one relationship could fulfill her sexual needs, or not for long at any rate.

“I’m not great at monogamy,” she explains. “I married my best friend, Paul. He was so sweet and supportive and loving, and an amazing caretaker. I thought that would be enough. But it turned out that I needed different things. As I learn more about myself, increasingly I feel unapologetic about what I want. Being 40, and realising this, is liberating.”