Scotland The Brave

Travel to Edinburgh this August, sift through the Everest of reviews, posters, flyers and leaflets for long enough and somewhere at the bottom you’ll find the world’s biggest Fringe comedy festival.

An annual three week binge of belly laughs, over-indulgence in alcohol and sleep deprivation, this year the Fringe has attracted an unprecedented number of Irish acts to the picturesque Scottish capital, with most eager to impress the critics, tellymen and other assorted light entertainment bigwigs. Spotting them is easy: the bigger and more obvious the wig, the bigger the bigwig.

Although it’s impossible to throw a stick in Edinburgh without hitting an Irish comedian, tracking them down from behind a desk in Dublin is an altogether different proposition. Ring too early and you’ll rouse them from their much needed slumber; too late, and they’ll be beyond speech. The general rule of thumb is to assume that they’re not actually in Edinburgh but in New York. Make the necessary allowances for time differences and Bob’s your uncle and Fanny’s your aunt.

My first port of call was the flat of John Henderson and Dara O Briain, who have doubled up this year to perform a show entitled Full Irish Breakfast. At 2:30pm (about 10am “Edinburgh time”) after three rings, the phone is answered:

Dara O Briain: “Ughh?”

Me: “Hello, Dara?”

Dara O Briain: “Whazzuggghhhh? Bugga, bugga, wazzzappenin?”

Me: “Dara, it’s Barry Glendenning. Have I got you out of bed?”

Dara O Briain: “Ugh! Oh Jeshush I feel shit!”

Me: “Look I’ll call back in an hour . . . sorry!”

Dara O Briain: “Ish okay, bu’ Barry . . .”

Me: “Yeah?”

Dara O Briain: “Call back in many hours!”

Whoops! So far, no good. I try Paddy Courtney’s number. Paddy is starring in Just For The Craic along with Brendan Dempsey, Jonathan Gunning, Michael Mee and Deirdre O’Kane. Knowing him to be a teetotaller, there’s a sporting chance he’ll be vaguely coherent. He answers, and he is. I enquire as to how things are going.

“I’m fuckin’ flying, thank Jayzus!” is his unfeasibly chirpy response. “A lot of people seem to be saying: ‘Oh look, there’s Paddy Courtney! Have you seen him?’, so because of that, we’ve been getting good numbers in. I’ve been opening every night and so far the billing has been going well and everyone’s been laughing. I’ve some TV people coming in to see me tonight so I’m quite looking forward to that.”

Has Paddy seen any other acts?

“Well, as far as other comedians are concerned, Johnny Vegas is getting great reviews, although The Herald skinned him yesterday, the bastards. But he got a four star review in The Scotsman. Jason (Byrne) got a four star review in The Scotsman as well, and Tommy (Tiernan) got a five star review in The Observer. There’s nobody that’s really standing out at the moment, although everyone seems to be raving about Sean Cullen, formerly of Corky And The Juicepigs.”

At this point Eddie Bannon, who is sharing the flat with Paddy and his show with American Rich Fulcher, enters the building. For Eddie, the festival is a family affair, as his decidedly better half, Flee, is currently working in her capacity as crack publicist for the Gilded Balloon, the venue where many of the Irish acts are playing. They too, are having a ball.

“Things are going fine,” Eddie expounds. “Meself and Flee are both over, just like last year, and comedy-wise, it’s actually the first time I’ve ever been over here that I’ve felt in total control of what’s going on. I haven’t had any reviews yet, but the reviewers have been in and they seemed to be laughing throughout. I’ve done Late And Live twice: the first time was a bit hairy. I had a bit of fun with a heckler but it was okay. I absolutely stormed the second one; I haven’t done a show like it in ages.

“Apart from that I’ve been up until six o’clock every morning. I’m trying to eat sensibly but I’m absolutely drinking like a fish. Everyone is, it’s unreal.”

Next stop: Brendan Dempsey’s gaff. The jolly green giant is in typically fine fettle: “There’s a lot of the ‘Edinburgh Look’ going on at the moment,” he chuckles, “which is, essentially, people looking shiftily over your shoulder as they talk to you and then saying ‘Well, that’s great, but I really must talk to Channel 4 very soon, so I have to go’. Then they go and clamber up the arse of the nearest telly person.

“But it’s great fun so far. I think people are just trying to adjust their body clocks by staying up later, drinking more and gettting to bed later – it’s tough work. As far as gossip-mongering goes, I’d like to say that I’’m shagging everybody. I’m not too bothered about the reviews but I’m prepared to shag the chief executive of even the smallest cable TV station if it means getting my own chat show (laughs).

“Financially, I’m breaking even. Actually, you can put that in your quotes: ‘Dempsey’s best festival ever: he’s breaking even. He’s not losing too much money and he’s getting the odd shag from not bad looking birds (laughs)! Fuck The Scotsman and The Guardian . . . Dempsey’s breaking even!’. Actually, I think I know what the title of my show next year will be: Brendan Dempsey Is Getting By.”

Several hours later, after a number of fruitless attempts to contact Barry Murphy, Ed Byrne, Tommy Tiernan and Jason Byrne, I gingerly pick up the telephone and, once again, try the O Briain/Henderson residence. An eminently less groggy Dara answers. After providing him with a detailed match report on the drawn Clare/Offaly All Ireland semi-final, talk turns to more frivolous matters: namely, Edinburgh.

“It’s a bit of a drunken grind really, to be honest,” he sighs. “The body clock thing does take a while to change. Late And Live doesn’t start until 1am so you’re up ‘til at least 4am most nights. We haven’t really settled into the beauty of Edinburgh yet, John and I have only visited the shop once.”

Of the Full Irish Breakfast, he has this to say.

“It’s going well. I think I’m about two days away from having it honed down completely. The hardest aspect is actually getting the punters in, but generally, people have been getting smallish crowds so far. Eddie’s been doing well in his show and he did a great Late And Live. Actually, today, Jason got a very good review in The Scotsman, the first line of which was ‘They should forget cloning sheep and clone the Irish comedy gene instead’.

“As I said, pint consumption is fairly savage, so I think I’ll have a quiet night tonight. I got home at six, this morning and the other two (John Henderson and Deirdre O’Kane) arrived in at eight. The most impressive feat of endurance I’ve witnessed so far was from Michael Smiley. He was in the Penny Black (Edinburgh’s only early house – BG.) until one o’clock in the afternoon yesterday, went home and got two hours sleep and then went to do his five o’clock show and by all accounts delivered a stormer. Then twelve hours later he was back in the Penny Black.”

Dara hands me over to an incredibly seedy sounding John Henderson, who asks me to bear with him as he finds a comfortable horizontal position on the floor.

“I can’t stand at the moment, which is a bit of a problem for someone in my job,” he confesses. “The Fringe so far has been good – the attendances at our show have been okay, no better or worse than anyone else’s. We’ve been out flyering but both of us think it’s a complete waste of time. Every night Dara asks the audience if anyone is there because they got a flyer from either of us. So far, one person has been in because they got one from me, so I’m the Flyer King.

“As far as other acts are concerned, Ed Byrne is getting on great, the fuckin’ bollocks. I’d say it’ll be a good year for him. Jason is storming it as well, but you absolutely have to print, for the record, that he had a tough Late And Live because he doesn’t get booed off very often so, being typically begrudging Irish, we’re all delighted (laughs). Having said that, it wasn’t his fault but you needn’t print that bit.”

Tune in next fortnight for more Fringe Festival fun and boll . . . sorry, frolics.