Mad Hatter Q&A: 'Clear History's' Joanne McNally

Who would be the last person you would invite to your birthday party?
J–Lo. Two green teas and she’d be spinning her way around the place. I can’t risk being upstaged like that.

Who would be the first person you would invite to your birthday party?
Lindsay Lohan. I’ve heard rumours she now speaks with an Arabian accent and I’d like to see this for myself.

Favourite saying?
Brunch.

Favourite record?
A parrot opened 35 cans with his beak in one minute in California which I thought was impressive.

Favourite book?
Changes all the time. Currently reading Girl, Woman, Other which is excellent.

Favourite film?
Anything with early Goldie Hawn like First Wives Club and Death Becomes Her. I also love Toni Collete and horrors so Hereditary was completely amazing.

Favourite author?
Nora Ephron. Heartburn is one of the best books I’ve ever read.

Favourite actor/actress?
See above! I’m also a massive fan of Jodi Comer, how the hell she does all those accents when I struggle to do my own? Every accent I do starts strong and ends Australian, it’s an affliction. I have a stiff tongue unfortunately.

Favourite musician?
Currently Dermot Kennedy. Roisin Conaty loves him and I was embarrassed I hadn’t heard of him, so I started listening – and it was all up hill from there.

Most embarrassing moment of your life?
They’re all documented on Clear History! Most of them involve men or alcohol, usually both.

Favourite food/drink/stimulant?
I’m strung out on sparkly water, I take my SodaStream with me wherever I go. I took no interest in Brexit till I tried to get new gas canisters in Argos in Dublin, and they said they couldn’t get any because of Brexit, I went home and contacted Nigel Farage directly.

TV programme?
Game Of Thrones

Favourite TV personality?
Claudia Winkleman

Favourite item of clothing?
I have a flurorescent orange combat jacket that I got in a vintage shop in London, which I’m fond of.

Most desirable date?
Darts. I’m very good at it.

Favourite method of relaxation?
Washing things, myself, my sheets. I have a Jo Malone candle that I like to light but since I discovered it cost €150, I now only light it in emergencies. A xanax prescription would be cheaper.

If you weren’t pursuing your present career, what other career might you have chosen?
Journalism.

Biggest thrill?
Stand up

Biggest disappointment?
Stand up

Your concept of heaven?
A buffet in a five star hotel in Spain.

Your concept of hell?
The Oxygen music festival.

What would be your dying words?
“Have me stuffed and erected inside a wine bottle like one of those boats.”

Greatest ambition?
Probably getting erected inside a wine bottle.

Period of history you’d most like to have lived in and why?
Pompeii just before Mount Vesuvius erupted in 79AD. I love drama.

If you weren’t a human being which animal would you have chosen to be?
A dog. They’re amazing and adored and I’d be waited on hand and foot.

If you were told that the world was ending tomorrow morning, how would you react/what would you do?
I’d try and finish Game Of Thrones. I’ve three seasons left and don’t want to leave this world with any regrets.

Your nominee for the world’s best-dressed person?
Gwen Stefani.

Biggest fear?
A man who identifies as his horoscope.

Humanity’s most useful invention?
Zara.

Humanity’s most useless invention?
The Mini-Disc.

Clear History airs on RTÉ2 on Thursdays at 9.30pm and is repeated on RTÉ One on Sundays at 10.30pm.