Mad Hatter: Q & A with Jarlath Regan

Who would be the last person you would invite to your birthday party?
I met a lad in the park last summer who was easily the rudest man I’ve ever met before. Fairly sure I’d invite anyone but him to my birthday party.

Who would be the first person you would invite to your birthday party?
It would be weird not to invite your parents, right? I mean you’re not here without them. They’re
the perfect party guests in so many ways.

Favourite saying?
“Once a gobshite, always a gobshite.”

Favourite record?
Now That’s What I Call Music (any volume).

Favourite book?
The Argos catalogue gets me every time. So many twists you never see coming.

Favourite film?
Adventures In Babbysitting.

Favourite author?
Judy Blume.

Favourite actor / actress?
Matt Berry – truly one of the funniest people ever to have lived.

Favourite musician?
There’s a lad I see drumming in Covent Garden all the time. Right now I’m really into him. Also, Paul Simon.

Most embarrassing moment of your life?
Too many to remember. I have mortified myself so many different ways I should be immune to it by now, but I’m not. I’m still doing it on daily basis, falling over and splitting pants, forgetting names and being a shambles most of the time.

Favourite food/drink/stimulant?
Black coffee. God sent it here so that the days wouldn’t feel so long.

TV programme?
I love a late night talk show of any kind.

Favourite TV personality?
Derek Davis.

Favourite item of clothing?
Runners. I have a small addiction to buying runners.

Most desirable date?
24th of August. 23rd Of December. Both classics.

Favourite method of relaxation?
Started hot yoga. Can’t stop talking about it now. I think it’s one of the side-effects.

If you weren’t pursuing your present career, what other career might you have chosen?
Graphic designer, illustrator type of thing.

Biggest thrill?
When you are staying at a hotel and they say breakfast stops at 10am and you make it at 9.59am and they have to serve. What a rush.

Biggest disappointment?
Adulthood.

Your concept of heaven?
One toasted cheese sandwich in my hand and another on the way. Mug of tea in the other hand.
No pants.

Your concept of hell?
No cheese, no bread, tight pants.

What would be your dying words?
Tell me more about your holiday...

Greatest ambition?
Someday I’d like to say no to someone without feeling the urge to apologise immediately.

Period of history you’d most like to have lived in and why?
No idea.

If you weren’t a human being, which animal would you have chosen to be?
Well looked after dog. Golden retriever. Definitely. Constant compliments, food and snuggles. Christ on a bike. What a life.

If you were told that the world was ending tomorrow morning, how would you react/what would you do?
100% rewatch Game Of Thrones.

Your nominee for the world’s best-dressed person?
Ross from Friends. Style icon.

Favourite term of abuse?
Gobshite.

Biggest fear?
My stuff getting stolen. Always terrified of it. Happens to me all the time nonetheless.

Humanity’s most useful invention?
Google Maps.

Humanity’s most useless invention?
Brexit innit?

• Comedian Jarlath Regan will host An Irishman Abroad at the Dublin Podcast Festival in The Sugar Club, Dublin on November 21.