Who would be the last person you would invite to your birthday party?
Russell Brand.

Who would be the first person you would invite to your birthday party?
The person organising it.

Favourite saying?
The Tories.

Favourite record?
Longest fart.

Favourite book?
Name of the Wind.

Favourite film?
The Prestige.

Favourite author?
Brandon Sanderson.

Favourite actor / actress?
Sam Rockwell.

Favourite musician?
Eminem.

Most embarrassing moment of your life?
One of the many times I’ve bombed on stage.

Favourite food/drink/stimulant?
Weed.

TV programme?
South Park.

Favourite TV personality?
Conan O’Brien.

Favourite item of clothing?
Pink Spongebob hoody.

Most desirable date?
Yes I am.

Favourite method of relaxation?
Weed.

If you weren’t pursuing your present career, what other career might you have chosen?
Boring virgin man.

Biggest thrill?
Stand up.

Biggest disappointment?
Christopher Nolan’s recent work.

Your concept of heaven?
Watching everyone religious being told there is no God, Heaven or Hell.

Your concept of hell?
Kilmarnock.

What would be your dying words?
Carol Vorderman? But why? What did I ever do to you?

Greatest ambition?
I’d like to outlive all my enemies and attend their funerals.

Period of history you’d most like to have lived in and why?
This one. Stick with what you know.

If you weren’t a human being, which animal would you have chosen to be?
Eagle. I’d like to be able to pick off small, poorly trained dogs.

If you were told that the world was ending tomorrow morning, how would you react/what would you do?
I’d probably be pretty gutted tbh, I quite like life. Guess I’d phone people I hated and gloat that they were gonna die too?

Your nominee for the world’s best-dressed person?
Donald Duck.

Favourite term of abuse?
Cunt.

Biggest fear?
Heights.

Humanity’s most useful invention?
Planes, I reckon.

Humanity’s most useless invention? 
Everyone who works in the airport.

• Daniel Sloss performs his Hubris show at 3Olympia Theatre, Dublin on Saturday, January 15, 2022.

Photograph: iona wolff