Holy Trinity

It s (almost) Christmas time and there s no need to be afraid. At Christmas time, we let in light and The Nualas do a five week residency in Dublin s HQ. The new show put on by the all-singing, all-wisecracking trio is titled Snowy Belly and here in the Westbury Hotel to discuss this and many other unrelated topics are the three N s themselves, who for the duration of the interview are happily immersed in cloud Nualaland.

A snowy belly is a belly that s been put in the fridge longer than it should be, explains Nuala, as if touching on a problem common to all womankind.
Once memorably described as the agricultural Spice Girls on acid , The Nualas s ever-increasing popularity has never been higher, with a new video out on Sony for Christmas of their last show, Big Shiny Dress, which itself had lengthy runs in both Dublin and London last year.
Sony paid us 3 million for the songs, lies Nuala Eile. Mr Sony himself came down to the show in Clondaingean.
He s a mad fella, continues the third Nuala. He wears big silver suits a huge big hat
and he looks like a Buddha.
No-one has ever actually seen Mrs. Sony but she is his dresser.
Kerr-razeee streams of consciousness is the Nualas forte in interviews, each finishing the other s sentences, and taking them on ever more surreal flights of fancy flights where the cabin crew are on strike and it s every baggage handler for themselves.
So what do they have to say about the impending HQ residency?
We re not going to say anything about HQ headquarters being a front for anything FBI, CIA whispers Nuala. For the record it is a bona fide cabaret venue. There is nothing more going on behind the scenes in that place.
Nuala Eile pipes up. We saw a mummified Maxwell Smart in the dressing room. Hmmm.
We did a week s run once, says the third Nuala, where the same audience came back every night but it didn t work out people started bickering. This time there ll be a new audience every night.
Her fellow Nuala adds: There was the time we did a week of shows in a Trappist monastery. The same monks every night. They started bickering.
Over bread, continues the other Nuala it was all about who was going to have the biggest chunk of bread at the intermission. The thing was they had a vow of silence and so they weren t allowed clap at the gig which was very weird. They just farted their appreciation.
Nuala: At the end of the night, Nuala lit a match and the whole place went up!
When they re on the road, do they never pine for male company?
Well, there s always a bellhop in the darkest night. Either that or The Samaritans, says Nuala.
Nuala: I have to say that The Samaritans kept me in great company when I was on tour. I d call them every night. We d call Childline too. We d put on a very high voice and pretend we were seven.
And now that they ve achieved a degree of fame, do they find other celebs flocking backstage after their gigs and pressing their collective flesh?
Nuala: As soon as there s a smell of celebrity off someone, they all know each other. It d make you sick. We re not into that: Bow-no and Sinead and Brian and Dodi
Those of you who saw the Big Shiny Dress tour may notice that one of The Nualas has changed since. She is the fourth girl to become the third Nuala since their inception at the International s Comedy Cellar all those moons ago. What, I ask, happened to the last Nuala?
Nuala: An opportunity came up and she just went
Nuala: to the factory.
Nuala: Tights.
Nuala: She had been on the waiting list for the Pretty Polly tights factory for fifteen years and it came through. Her mother put her down when she was born.
Nuala: It s a pensionable job and you get a year s supply of tights.
Nuala: She had to wear tights over her head when she started because everyone would have recognised her as a Nuala, what with our posters all over town.
And the new Nuala?
Nuala: She did an audition. We said give us an A! . She gave us a D but we went with it anyway.
Very well. Any other words of wisdom you d like to pass on to your many adoring fans?
Can I just say to my uncle Frank that I don t think it was Mad Cow Disease. Stick it out, Frank don t stick it up.

The Nualas Snowy Belly Christmas Show runs at HQ at the Irish Music Hall Of Fame from November 21st to December 22nd